Dr Louise Mansell – Clinical Psychologist, Innovator, Mum of Two Boys (and a Teddy Bear)

“Make Yourself Irrelevant: Ian Prior on Coaching Teens to Think, Perform and Lead for Themselves” At some point, junior sport changes. The scoreboard starts to matter. Selection becomes more competitive. Training becomes more structured. Some kids simply want to keep playing with their mates, while others begin wondering whether sport could take them somewhere much further. So how should our coaching change with them? In Part Two of this Building Resilient Kids conversation, host Tim Curtis sits down again with former professional rugby player Ian Prior to explore the transition from participation-focused junior sport into the more competitive teenage years. And Ian introduces a powerful idea: The ultimate job of a good coach is to make themselves irrelevant. Not because the coach doesn't matter. Quite the opposite. A great coach progressively gives young athletes the knowledge, confidence and decision-making ability to solve problems for themselves—because when the game starts, the coach can't make every decision for them. That shift—from instruction to independence—sits at the heart of this episode. Ian explains that as children mature, coaching should move beyond simply teaching how to perform a skill. Coaches increasingly need to teach why. Why did that option work? What cues did you notice? What other options were available? What will you do differently next time? Those questions don't just create better athletes. They build mental models for decision-making, adaptability and problem-solving that young people can carry into school, work, relationships and life. But teenage athletes present another challenge: their bodies are changing rapidly. Ian discusses peak height velocity—the period of rapid adolescent growth—and why coaches need to understand that the teenager standing in front of them may temporarily be less coordinated, more susceptible to injury and physically very different from the athlete they were only months earlier. That means managing training load, recovery and skill development intelligently rather than simply assuming that harder training is always better. Ian then offers a practical framework for skill development: Isolated → Controlled → Chaotic. First, practise the skill. Then introduce decision-making. Finally, recreate the unpredictability of competition. It's a simple coaching progression that allows young athletes to build competence before learning to execute under pressure. From there, the conversation moves into one of the most important areas of teenage sport: Pressure. How do we teach young people to handle it? How do we build confidence without creating entitlement? How do we help them win well—and perhaps more importantly, lose well? Ian argues that confidence should be grounded in preparation and repetition rather than simply telling a teenager to “be confident”. Do the work. Build the repetitions. Prepare properly. Then take confidence from knowing you've done what you can—while recognising that the opposition, environment and circumstances still get a vote. Ian also shares the grounding techniques he developed during his professional career. At one point during a game, that could be as simple as picking up a piece of grass and feeling it between his fingers—a tactile cue that brought him back into the present moment. Other athletes use breathing, visual focus or physical grounding. These aren't just tools for professional athletes. They're practical emotional-regulation skills teenagers can use before a game, during competition—or walking into an exam. One of the episode's most practical examples comes from Ian's time captaining the Western Force. After a score—whether his team had scored or conceded—the players would deliberately reset. They would come together. Pause. Breathe. Connect. Receive only a small number of key messages. Then finish with a synchronised clap. That clap became a psychological bookend: What's happened has happened. What's my next job? It's a professi

“Coach the Kid, Not Just the Sport: Ian Prior on Belonging, Effort and Keeping Kids in the Game” Episode Show Notes What makes a great junior coach? Is it technical knowledge? Winning games? Developing the most talented players? Or is there something much more important happening every time a child turns up to training? In Part One of this two-part Building Resilient Kids conversation, host Tim Curtis sits down with former professional rugby player Ian Prior to explore what good coaching looks like during the crucial childhood and early adolescent years—and why the lessons learned through sport can extend far beyond the field. Ian spent 14 years playing professional rugby, having progressed through elite junior pathways himself. But he is also now a dad and coach, giving him a very different perspective on the sporting environments we create for children. Looking back on his own childhood, Ian remembers parents who were enormously supportive but never forceful. They drove him to training, helped him practise and created opportunities—but the motivation to improve remained his. That distinction becomes one of the central themes of the episode: Support the child. Don't own the child's sporting journey. Ian and Tim explore the role coaches, parents, teachers and instructors play in creating belonging and psychological safety. For Ian, sport provided somewhere he felt at home as a child. It gave him a way to connect with others, communicate and form relationships—regardless of background, ability or social confidence. That makes the role of the junior coach far bigger than teaching someone how to kick, throw or catch. A good coach notices the child who hasn't touched the ball. They learn names. They ask questions. They create opportunities for different ability levels. They recognise effort and teamwork—not simply the kid who scores the most points. Most importantly, they make kids feel seen, heard and valued. Ian identifies three behaviours he believes coaches should deliberately develop and reward: being a good teammate, communicating well and demonstrating work ethic. His philosophy is simple: children can't completely control outcomes, but they can control their effort. The conversation also tackles something central to resilience: losing. Ian wasn't always selected as a junior. He missed representative teams and experienced the disappointment of being close but not quite good enough. Looking back, he believes those early failures may have helped prepare him for the inevitable setbacks of professional sport. Crucially, home remained psychologically safe. There wasn't more love when he won or less love when he lost. His parents were supporters rather than judges—and that gave him somewhere safe to return after disappointment.Tim and Ian then broaden the discussion beyond competitive athletes. What about the kid who doesn't think they're sporty? The child who is there because their friends are? The late bloomer? The kid on the wing who rarely sees the ball? Ian argues that coaches need to understand why each child is there. Some want to compete. Some want to master a skill. Some simply want to belong to the tribe. All of those motivations are legitimate. The goal—particularly when children are young—is to help them discover forms of movement and sport they genuinely enjoy. Because forcing children into a parent's preferred sport may produce participation for a while, but it rarely produces a lifelong love of being active. And the benefits extend well beyond physical fitness. Sport can teach teamwork, communication, empathy, delayed gratification, work ethic and how to recover after failure. It can provide a social bridge for children who struggle to communicate in other environments. And movement itself supports learning, cognition and wellbeing. Tim and Ian also explore free play and risky play—running, jumping, climbing, falling, getting back up and discovering what your body is capable of. These experiences don't

"Sleep Is a Ninja: Michelle Cyril on Helping Busy Brains Feel Safe Enough to Sleep" Episode Show Notes In this practical and reassuring episode of Building Resilient Kids, host Tim Curtis is joined by Michelle Cyril—The Family Sleep Specialist, an advanced paediatric sleep specialist, children's nurse and mum of two neurodivergent children. Michelle knows the exhaustion of childhood sleep difficulties from both sides of the equation. One of her twins slept; the other didn't. After three and a half years of chronic sleep deprivation, her personal search for answers eventually developed into a professional specialisation in helping children and families for whom conventional sleep advice simply doesn't work. The conversation explores why sleep is such a fundamental building block for resilience and why improving a child's sleep can have effects far beyond bedtime—from emotional regulation and concentration to eating, movement, relationships and the wellbeing of the entire family. Michelle describes sleep as a "golden chain" running through our lives: when sleep improves, other areas have an opportunity to flourish. For neurodivergent children in particular, Michelle challenges the traditional one-size-fits-all approach to sleep. Rather than simply enforcing stricter routines, she encourages parents to understand the individual child's nervous system, sensory needs, anxiety and need to feel genuinely safe. One of her central ideas is beautifully simple: sleep can't be forced. Telling an anxious child to "just go to sleep" is asking them to consciously perform something that happens naturally. Instead, Michelle tells children that "sleep is like a ninja"—it creeps up on you when your brain and body are ready. Tim and Michelle explore practical techniques for helping children develop that sense of safety and independence, including Michelle's "excuse me" game, where parents gradually build trust by briefly leaving the room and reliably returning. The aim isn't simply separation—it's teaching the child's nervous system that Mum or Dad can leave, come back as promised, and I am still safe. They also unpack why a rhythm may work better than a rigid routine for children with demand-avoidant profiles, how sensory input before bedtime can actually help a busy body settle, why screens aren't necessarily the enemy, and why teenagers need daylight, movement and clearer separation between their bedroom as a living space and their bed as a place for sleep. Importantly, the episode isn't only about the child's nervous system. Michelle explains how exhausted parents can arrive at bedtime already dysregulated after months or even years of difficult evenings. Her concept of brief "off-duty time"before bedtime gives parents permission to regulate themselves first, so that children can borrow their calm through co-regulation. The result is a refreshingly compassionate conversation about sleep that moves away from blame, battles and endless lists of things parents "should" be doing. Because sometimes the answer isn't trying harder to make a child sleep. It's understanding what this particular child needs to feel safe enough for sleep to come. Key Themes and Takeaways

"Our Kids Should Fight to Be Happy: Why Resilience May Be the Foundation of a Flourishing Life" In this thought-provoking episode of Building Resilient Kids, host Tim Curtis is joined by former Australian SAS officer, leadership expert, bestselling author and long-time friend Ben Pronk to explore one of life's biggest questions: What does it really mean for our kids to be happy? While many parents say they simply want their children to be happy, Ben challenges us to reconsider what happiness actually is and whether modern life has quietly led us astray. Drawing on philosophy, neuroscience, psychology and positive psychology, Ben argues that lasting happiness isn't found through comfort, achievement or material success. Instead, it emerges from a balance of pleasure and purpose, meaningful relationships, gratitude and the willingness to embrace struggle. Together, Tim and Ben unpack why resilience may not simply support happiness—it may be one of its essential foundations. They explore why today's children are growing up in a world of unprecedented comfort, comparison and digital distraction, yet increasing rates of anxiety, loneliness and poor wellbeing. The conversation also examines why failure is an essential teacher, why parents should resist removing every obstacle from a child's path, and how modelling gratitude, curiosity and presence shapes children's understanding of what a good life looks like. Blending ancient philosophy with practical parenting, this episode offers a refreshing reminder that our goal is not to raise children who avoid hardship—but children who develop the confidence, character and resilience to flourish because of it.

"Character Before Culture: Daniel Principe on Raising Good Humans in a Noisy World"