Kayaks Are Divorce Boats: What a Wilderness Trip Reveals About Love Under Pressure

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"Why do I treat my partner worse than I treat my friends?"

"Why do couples fight more under stress than everyday life?"

"How do I stop assuming my partner sees things the way I do?"

On this episode of Sex, Love & Elephants, Dr. Cheryl Fraser takes you along on two very different kayaking trips — one a whisper-fight-filled disaster with her husband, the other a hard-won triumph with her best friend — to explore why so many of us treat our partner worse than we'd ever treat a stranger or a friend.

Cheryl unpacks why pressure exposes the cracks in a relationship, how a simple communication habit she calls "looking at the other side of the clock" can defuse conflict before it starts, and what the fears we "pack" into our relationships as commitment deepens really say about us. Along the way, she shares sobering research on divorce regret, a hard truth about how couples therapists are (and aren't) trained, and real stories of couples who turned their relationships around after decades of struggle.

In This Episode, You’ll Learn:

(00:00) Why Dr. Cheryl calls kayaks "divorce boats" and the story of the trip that started it all

(04:05) The whisper-fight in the kayak — and what it reveals about how we treat our partner under pressure

(07:25) "The other side of the clock": the simple question that turns conflict into cooperation

(11:26) A second trip puts the lesson to the test — and a couple proves they're not a "divorce boat"

(15:32) Why we're often kinder to friends than to our own partner, and how to change the pattern

(19:40) The truth about couples therapy: what to look for — and what to avoid — when seeking help

(24:16) The fears we "pack" into a relationship as commitment deepens

(28:00) Real couples' stories of turning things around after decades of disconnection

(31:07) The surprising research on divorce regret — and why giving up isn't always the answer

(33:28) Today's LoveByte: how you handle the cracks that show up under pressure

Want to learn more about Buddhism and relationships? Cheryl’s book Buddha’s Bedroom is a great resource!

Follow @drcherylfraser on Instagram

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