EP 70: What Men Need To Know About "The Change"

Surprise! This one’s a BONUS Embodied Love Lounge episode. Aaron Michael and Dr. Saida were so excited about this topic, they just couldn’t wait to share it! They get honest about ‘woman on top’: why it hurts for so many women...You climb on top. His hands clamp onto your hips. Then a sharp, crampy hit deep inside steals your breath. Maybe this is just me. Maybe this is how it's supposed to feel. So you brace. You hold back. You keep your hips careful so he can last, and you never find out what your body would do if you let it go. Aaron Michael and Dr. Saida Desilets have a name for that moment: a signal. Your body telling you to stop, reset, and move another way. And when you do? Your hips are free. The pleasure builds until it shudders through you. Dr. Saida calls what comes forward "my own erotic wildness." In this Embodied Love Lounge episode, they get honest about woman on top: why it hurts for so many women, and why it's so often the one position where a woman who struggles to climax with a partner finally can. You'll discover: • What your body is telling you when your breath stops and your hands brace • Why the hottest moments on top show up when you're rolling and tangled together • Why women who can't climax from penetration so often find it on top • What it feels like to take your pleasure and then surrender to it • The slow-building pleasure that ends in full-body shudders, and why this position reaches it Here’s a sneak peek into what you’re missing… In the members-only episode... Dr. Saida gets personal about what she learned in her twenties, because she wanted pleasure to last way longer. Then she says the words so many of us needed years ago: “Go at your pace.” And in the erotic insert, recorded separately and layered in, the conversation becomes an experience. It starts on an ordinary workday, two people distracted and disconnected. What happens next is for members only. Want to open the door? → GET THE FULL EPISODE + EROTIC INSERT → JOIN EMBODIED LOVE UNIVERSITY FREE

Your partner reaches for you, and your whole body braces. Your breath stops. Your stomach knots. You want to be close, and some part of you is getting ready for a fight. Afterward come the stories: “I'm sabotaging myself. I'm too damaged for this. Why can't I just relax?” Somatic trauma therapist Barbara Collier has a different name for it: an adaptive response. Your nervous system learned long ago that closeness could cost you something, and it's still protecting you from the there and then while you're trying to live in the here and now. In this episode, Dr. Saida and Aaron Michael sit down with Barbara, a former intensive care nurse who has spent two decades as a somatic trauma therapist, to explore what happens in your body when triggers hijack intimacy, and how you find your way back. You'll discover: • Why arousal can feel like alarm, when anxiety and excitement run on the same charge • Why calling it a "pattern" keeps you stuck in shame, and why curiosity changes everything • What living with one foot on the gas and one on the brake does to your health over years • Why trauma that happened before you had language rarely shifts through talk alone • The first small step back toward pleasure when you feel numb, tense, or in pain Then it gets personal in the members-only section. Barbara shares how, decades into her career and freshly divorced, she had decided she didn't care if she ever had sex again, and what she found when she questioned that. You'll hear the difference between your body's yes and the "social yes" you were trained to give, the early warning signs your body sends before an argument starts, and what to do when your partner gets triggered and every instinct says run or fix it. And in the members-only guest insert, Barbara guides a short practice you can take anywhere. Dr. Saida said afterward the world felt "friendlier and less pokey." Then Barbara shows how the same attention can reach the places where pain lives, including the pelvis and old scar tissue. 👉 GET THE FULL EPISODE + BARBARA'S GUIDED PRACTICE: https://learning.embodiedloveuniversity.com/podcasts

Walk toward the lions. Read the wind. Trust your senses. Know when to lead. Know when to follow. And NEVER assume you know what happens next. That’s how Big C moves through the African wilderness. Now bring those same instincts into sex, love and relationship. Fresh from 10 days in the wild, Dr. Saida and Aaron Michael sit down with Sicelo “Big C” Mbatha, wilderness guide and author of Black Lion, and discover just how much the wild has to teach us about being human. Why do we stop truly seeing someone we’ve loved for years? Why can trying to recreate great sex get in the way of great sex? And what can lions and elephants teach us about power, protection, cooperation and leadership? As Big C shares how he navigates a world where everything is alive, changing and communicating, Dr. Saida stops him: “Every word you said can be translated to the bedroom.” Lions. Sex. Power. Intuition. Partnership. The wilderness. This conversation goes places you won’t expect. We put it into practice. Aaron Michael had just tried intimate waxing for the first time. He was tender, turned on, and suddenly some of our usual ways of playing were off the table. So what do you do when you want each other... but the usual trail is closed? You’ll listen in as we negotiate new boundaries, read each other’s bodies in real time, adapt when something doesn’t feel the way we expect, and get creative with the pleasure that IS available. The lesson of the wild, made flesh: Stop assuming you know the trail. Pay attention. Adapt.

Let’s kill this tired idea that women simply want sex less than men. If a one-night stand offered you a tiny chance of orgasm and a much bigger chance of pregnancy, disease, judgment, shame, pain, or disappointment, would you be excited by the invitation? Exactly. Men and women are not being offered the same meal. One may expect a ”four-star” experience. The other is being handed “cold ravioli” from a can and told she must not be hungry. In this episode, we examine what college sex and the orgasm gap reveal about desire. More importantly, we show you why this problem does not end when college does. The same pattern follows people into long-term relationships, where years of unsatisfying sex can look like a mysterious “death of libido.” Maybe your desire didn’t disappear. Maybe your body simply learned that what comes next isn’t worth getting excited about. We break down the five foundations that can change that: • Understanding your anatomy as a living system of pleasure• Moving your body instead of waiting for someone else to perform pleasure on you• Building relaxed arousal instead of racing toward release• Feeling your yes, your no, and your way through a maybe• Using your mind to intensify pleasure instead of watching yourself perform Then we take the gloves off in the members-only section. Aaron Michael reveals why his early sexual experiences were radically different from the three-minute encounters his college friends described. Dr. Saida shares how she explored one-night stands without surrendering her pleasure, safety, boundaries, or dignity. We talk about choosing someone for an erotic experience without pretending it must become a relationship, and why clear beginnings, middles, and endings make it easier to be fully present. We also share what happened when our own body mechanics failed during sex on an unstable riverbed, and how changing the environment turned a painful experience into pleasure. That’s the point. Good sex is not magic. Bad sex is not destiny. Your body responds to what is actually happening. And in the erotic audio insert, you’ll hear what happens when two people stop performing sex and begin creating it together.

She hated it for years. Not "wasn't sure about it." Hated it. This is Dr. Saida telling you exactly why. Two bodies, tangled, mouths where mouths politely shouldn't go, it looks like the peak of intimacy. Then you try it, and your neck aches, and you're choking, and you start wondering what's wrong with you. Nothing is. This episode is Dr. Saida finally telling the whole truth. As the commercial says, “But wait, there’s more!” Let’s have a peek behind the paywall of the Member’s only episode… Get the exact hip and hand signals that turn 69 from clumsy into electric