How to Deal with Book Publishing Rejection, & Tips for Landing the Book Deal with Allison Lane
My Rejection StoryShow Notes
Why does book rejection feel so personal—so final? Why does a book rejection letter have the power to stall a project for years, even when the idea still matters? And how do some authors seem to land book deals—sometimes before the book is even written—while others stay stuck in endless rejection cycles? In this episode of My Rejection Story, Alice is joined by Allison Lane, founder of Allison Lane Literary, a former PR executive turned book strategist who has helped every one of her clients land an agent and secure a book publishing deal. Together, they unpack what rejection in the publishing world actually means—and why it’s rarely about your worth, talent, or intelligence. Allison reframes rejection as a strategic signal, not a dead end. Drawing from decades in PR, brand strategy, and publishing, she explains why most aspiring authors misunderstand how the industry works, why writing the full book too early can actually hurt your chances, and how to become “book rejection proof” by thinking like a business—not a hopeful artist waiting for approval. Throughout the conversation, Alice and Allison explore how childhood rejection, shame, and trauma shape creative ambition, why nonfiction books are sold on proposal (not passion), and how authors can learn how to get a book deal with no money, without an agent, or before writing the book—if they understand the real rules of the game. In this episode, they explore: Why book publishing rejection is usually a signal—not a verdict
What a book rejection letter is actually telling you (and what it’s not)
How to deal with rejection when writing books without losing momentum
How to get a book deal without an agent—and when an agent actually matters
How to get a book deal with a publisher by pitching the idea, not the manuscript
Why nonfiction authors should learn how to get a book deal before writing the book
How to get a book publishing deal by widening—not narrowing—your audience
Why “being good” isn’t what sells books, and what does
How authors with small platforms still land major deals (including lessons from Allison Lane books and clients)
Rather than romanticizing rejection or offering empty encouragement, this episode gives listeners a clear-eyed look at the publishing ecosystem—where books are products, authors are brands, and rejection is part of the filtering process, not a personal failure. If you’ve ever asked yourself how do you get a book deal? or how can I get a book deal without burning years on the wrong strategy? this conversation will fundamentally change how you approach publishing—and rejection itself. Connect with Allison Lane: Website: https://lanelit.com LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/allisonlanelit/
Chapters 00:00 Rejection as Redirection—and Why Publishing “No’s” Aren’t Dead Ends 03:30 Saying Yes Early: Why Idealism Can Quietly Stall Creative Careers 08:45 What PR Teaches You About Pitching—and Why Most Book Pitches Fail 13:30 ADHD, Trauma, and Why Rejection Cuts Deeper for Some Creators 18:00 Shame, Silence, and the Stories We’re Afraid to Write 23:00 Why Some People Grow After Trauma—and Others Get Stuck 27:30 Imposter Syndrome, Ambition, and the Fear of Being Left Behind 32:00 Standing Out Without Credentials: How Alison Learned to Be Unignorable 37:00 Why Writing the Full Book First Is a Mistake in Nonfiction 41:00 How Publishers Actually Decide Which Books to Buy 46:00 The Myth of “Too Niche” vs. the Reality of Audience Expansion 51:00 Why Books Don’t Sell Because They’re Good—and What Actually Makes Them Sell 56:00 Becoming the Marketer of Your Own Book (Without Doing Everything) 01:00:30 Building a Platform Before the Book—and Why Timing Matters 01:02:00 Final Thoughts: Becoming Book-Rejection-Proof and Taking Action
More from My Rejection Story
What if coping with rejection is less about surviving the loss and more about surviving what you decide the loss says about you?
This episode discusses genocide, war, racism, death threats. Listener discretion advised. What if the rejection that cuts deepest isn't a stranger's hatred — but the silence of the people who swore they loved you? Alice is joined by Lena Derhally — licensed trauma-informed psychotherapist, bestselling Palestinian American author, and a white-passing Christian Palestinian who ended friendships of forty years when the people closest to her went silent about Gaza. Lena grew up the daughter of a Bethlehem-born father and a small-town Indiana mother, with a message about her Palestinian identity: be careful who you tell. What makes her story impactful is her refusal to hide. Lena's reframe: the sharpest rejection she's known came not from enemies but from friends of forty years who went silent when it mattered — what she calls "the great betrayal." She traces the messaging that first taught her to disappear (a father whose name changed from Odeh to Eddie in high school), and the day her son asked her to take the signs out of the yard. Her answer to all of it: "Integrity is bearing witness." Whether you've hidden a part of yourself to fit in or watched people you trust go quiet when it counted, this is a raw reframe of what solidarity looks like. In this episode: "The great betrayal" — why Lena ended friendships of four decades over silence
What if the person you can't stop craving after a breakup isn't a lost love — but a drug you're still detoxing from? Alice is joined by Dr. Cortney Warren — board-certified clinical psychologist, TEDx speaker, and the researcher who studies self-deception, love addiction and coined the term "exaholism." Alice opens with her own pandemic situationship: the man she'd never met in person yet couldn't stop texting at 5 a.m. But her real gift is the reframe underneath — falling in love is an addiction, and a bad breakup is withdrawal. Cortney's core idea: your ex isn't a person you lost, they're a stimulus your brain is still craving — "the non-relationship relationship." She explains why romantic love evolved to be addictive, why intermittent reinforcement (breadcrumbing, love-bombing, the on-again-off-again) hooks us harder than consistency, and what it takes to stop using your drug of choice. If you've ever wondered about the truth about situationships, or found yourself stuck on emotionally unavailable men/women, this is the neuroscience behind why. The turn comes when she argues the goal of a brutal breakup isn't to get over someone — it's to see both your ex and yourself in "stark reality," until the relationship becomes "just a version." Forgiveness, she says, isn't letting them off the hook; it's the ultimate act of self-love, including forgiving yourself for the values you compromised. Whether you're deep in a no-contact detox or you just want to build emotionally healthy relationships, this compassionate reframe explains the purpose of heartbreak and is essential listening for anyone thinking about relationships in the 21st century. In this episode they explore: Why falling in love is biologically engineered to be addictive
What if the deepest rejection isn't one loud "no," but the quiet ones that pile up until you stop noticing them? Alice is joined by Tiffany Yu — CEO and founder of Diversability, three-time TEDx speaker, and author of The Anti-Ableist Manifesto — who was nine years old when a car accident took her father's life and permanently paralyzed her arm. She grew up being picked last in gym class every single day, and internalized a quieter verdict underneath it: that she wouldn't get chosen in the rest of her life either. But what makes Tiffany fascinating isn't the résumé — it's the reframe underneath: that the deepest wounds don't come from one big rejection, they come from "chronic exclusion," the micro-exclusions that stack up until you seat yourself on the sidelines before anyone else can. Tiffany's reframe: exclusion is rarely loud. It's the party you weren't invited to, the captions no one added, the comment asking if your hand "can be fixed" — one remark is fleeting, but at the scale of 7 million views it starts to rewire how you feel about your own body. Her way out wasn't toughening up; it was community. She traces how co-founding a Taiwanese American club at university gave her the template that she then rebuilt as Diversability, and how one member's adaptive climbing invite became the start of a "redemption journey" that now includes the USA Paraclimbing team, a half marathon, and a surfing lesson she took the day before recording. In this episode they explore: • "Chronic exclusion creates irreversible trauma" — the line from her 2018 TEDx talk that keeps finding people, and why micro-exclusions do more damage than any single "no" • What a microaggression actually is — the subtle "I don't think of you as disabled" that quietly props up much bigger structural inequities • The gym-class wound — being picked last every day, and sitting on "the sidelines of the gym and the sidelines of life" • How a TikTok about her paralyzed arm hit 7 million views • Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, ADHD, and the research that a child can absorb 20,000 extra negative messages by age 10 • Assimilation as erasure — hiding her Taiwanese American identity, and how co-founding a culture club unlocked her courage Connect with Tiffany Yu: Website: https://www.tiffanyyu.com Book (The Anti-Ableist Manifesto): https://www.tiffanyyu.com/book Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/imtiffanyyu TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@imtiffanyyu LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tiffanyayu Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/imtiffanyyu Chapters: 00:00 "Chronic exclusion creates irreversible trauma" 00:57 The car accident at nine, and the gym class that became a core wound 03:29 What a microaggression really is 06:00 7 million views and "can it be fixed?" — comments that rewire self-image 08:25 RSD, ADHD, and 20,000 extra negative messages by age 10 09:11 Assuming friction everywhere — and being surprised when access is seamless 11:20 From the sidelines to the redemption journey — surfing, half marathons, paraclimbing 12:05 Assimilation, erasure, and the Taiwanese American club that started it all 15:00 The climbing wall, January 2016 16:48 Internalized ableism and the friction of just showing up 19:42 Searching a Facebook group for "surf" 21:10 The oxytocin of being in the room — why proximity reduces fear 22:57 Defining assimilation as erasure — not acknowledging what makes you different 25:02 Three things that made it easier 28:00 The message is bigger than me — the surgeon who added a mental-health provider 34:32 The 10-minute story vs. the one-sentence version 35:22 NATO — not attached to outcome — vulnerability vs. oversharing, and small wins 41:24 Creating your own opportunity — disability, hiring bias, and a "jungle gym" career 43:00 Getting fired, the "March 3rd anniversary," and the shame we don't talk about 47:43 Building community from nothing 51:33 Where to find Tiffany, the book, and Diversability
What if the loneliest rejection isn't losing a partner but losing a friend? Alice Draper is joined by Dr. Kimberly Horn, internationally recognized research psychologist, public health scientist who spent nearly 30 years studying addiction and health inequalities, and author of Friends Matter, For Life: Harnessing the Eight Tenets of Dynamic Friendship (endorsed by Mel Robbins). After the pandemic, Kimberly watched her own research play out in real time: people suffering less from the virus itself than from deep loneliness. But what makes her fascinating isn't the credentials, it's the reframe underneath: friendship isn't a nice-to-have, it's the most accessible tool we have against a crisis the US Surgeon General declared a public health emergency in 2023. Kimberly's reframe: rejection is data, not a verdict. Friendship loss is real grief but because we choose our friends, with no scripts, no casseroles, no paid leave, it's a lonely, invisible kind of pain society hasn't learned to hold. She and Alice unpack why social atrophy since COVID has left us more sensitive to rejection, why "accessible" doesn't mean "easy," and how self-friending becomes the antidote to the stories we tell ourselves. Whether you've quietly let a friendship fade or you're still stinging from one that ended without explanation, this is a clear-eyed reframe of what friendship is actually for. In this episode they explore: Social atrophy and rejection sensitivity — how losing our social "buffer" during COVID made rejection hurt more