#11: Why Most Habit Change Fails (And How to Get Good at Feeling Bad) | Ryan Soave
Two Percent with Michael EasterShow Notes
Sobriety isn't just "not drinking"—it's learning how to live without needing relief on demand. In this episode, Michael Easter sits down with therapist Ryan Soave (18+ years sober) for a sweeping conversation on why addiction often acts like a solution to deeper pain, how fear and shame quietly run the show, and what it takes to break the compulsion loop for good.
They dig into habit change that actually sticks, how to rebuild identity and community, and practical ways to regulate your nervous system so you don't have to numb yourself.
Ryan Soave is a licensed mental health counselor, transformational coach, and person in long-term recovery. He has spent nearly twenty years and over ten thousand clinical hours working with people navigating trauma, addiction, and the survival patterns that quietly run their lives. His approach brings together modern neuroscience, body-based therapies, and ancient wisdom traditions, all built around one idea: most of us confuse discomfort with threat and spend our lives reacting to things that aren't actually dangerous. Learning to feel bad is the first real step toward living well. Ryan has sat on both sides of the therapeutic relationship, which shapes everything about how he works.
To go deeper with Ryan or learn more about his work:
Website: ryansoave.com
Free course: Sign up for "How to Feel Bad (and Love Your Life)" at ryansoave.com
Book a one-on-one consultation: ryansoave.com
Instagram: @Ryan.Soave
YouTube: @rjsoave
Two Percent is hosted by Michael Easter. Today’s episode was produced by Joey Fischground, Robbie Hiser, Dana Brawer and Julia Nutter. From Kaleidoscope, our executive producers are Mangesh Hattikudur and Kate Osborn and Julia Nutter. From iHeart, our executive producers are Katrina Norvell and Nikki Ettore. Our Head of Video is Maria Paz Mendez Hodes. This episode was edited by Ryan Mulhern. Our theme music is by the Heater Manager.
GET A FREE GUIDE TO EXAMPLES OF MISOGI. GO TO https://www.twopct.com AND ENTER YOUR EMAIL.
I share similar insights around health and wellness here:
https://substack.com/@michaeleaster
https://instagram.com/michael_easter/
https://linkedin.com/in/michael-easter-b208848/
https://facebook.com/easter.michael
https://tiktok.com/@michael_easter6
Chapters:
00:00:00 Cold open
00:02:11 Sober at Phish / fun without substances
00:03:47 Relearning fun + giving up one thing for everything
00:06:04 The order water moment (social anxiety + self-obsession)
00:07:22 Sober wedding story + being a model for others
00:11:00 Walk us up to your sobriety + early roots
00:20:24 Addiction is not the problem, it's the solution
00:25:33 What people do when they decide to get sober
00:33:04 Defining addiction + signs it's out of control
00:36:55 Fear, shame, and emotion-driven behaviors
00:39:39 Fixed beliefs and the Michael Jordan analogy
00:49:56 Where Ryan starts with a new client
00:52:18 Nervous system regulation + the space between stimulus and response
01:03:09 When healthy behaviors become compulsion (exercise / triathlon)
01:14:17 Process addictions (food, sex, money, gambling)
01:23:33 Michael Singer / falling in love as distraction
01:26:55 Social media, Pascal, and the Yoga Sutras
01:39:22 Good at feeling bad + how antidepressants get prescribed
01:44:04 Addiction redirected as a superpower
01:46:30 Purpose vs. what you do
01:48:23 Community, 9/11, Tribe, and the bar
01:55:27 Power greater than yourself
01:59:38 Final two questions (30-day stop test + dream live show)
02:04:13 Michael's outro Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
More from Two Percent with Michael Easter
Up to half of Americans say their sleep is bad, and the rules for fixing it keep piling up. Michael speaks with David Samson, an evolutionary anthropologist at the University of Toronto and author of The Sleepless Ape, about why modern people sleep longer and better than hunter-gatherers yet worry about it far more, why our body clocks are the real mismatch, top sleep myths, and which sleep advice is worth following. They discuss:
Most of us avoid anything we might fail at. Michael speaks with Dr. Marcus Elliott about Misogi, his yearly challenge with about a 50 percent chance of failure, and why we overestimate the cost of failing, the benefits of Misogi, and what the data on elite athletes still can't measure. In addition to creating the modern Misogi, Marcus founded P3, the world's top sports science lab. They discuss:
Brian Driscoll became acting director of the FBI through what he believes was a clerical error in 2025. He was then asked to hand over the names of thousands of FBI employees who worked the January 6 investigations, which would have placed their careers and safety in jeopardy. He resisted and became a legend in the bureau. Brian told Michael what pushing back cost him, and why he calls "it is what it is" the most accepted form of surrender. They discussed:
Michael speaks with Harvard evolutionary biologist Dan Lieberman, author of Fed Up. They talked about how humans didn't evolve to think about what to eat, the history of food and humans, what Dan learned trying popular diets for the book, biggest diet myths, and where Dan lands on exercise and weight loss. They covered:
A lot of us think of quitting as a path to failure. Michael speaks with Lindsay Crouse, the former New York Times writer, editor and producer, lifelong distance runner and author of The Case for Quitting, about when perseverance backfires, how to tell meaningful suffering from the pointless kind, and the signs it's time to walk away. They discuss: