Show Notes
Any time someone is learning something new, they go through certain phases.
The first phase is 'unconscious incompetence'. This is where we don't know what we don't know. In this phase, we may not even realize how much the things we don't know are holding us back.
The second phase is 'conscious incompetence'. This is where we become aware of what we don't know. In this phase, we start to realize how what we don't know is keeping us from what we want.
This phase is HARD. It requires us to acknowledge what we don't know, and in order to move forward we have to seek help.
This is where a lot of kids have a hard time when it comes to social skills. They have become aware of what they don't know (they don't know how to make friends, they don't know how to talk to other kids, they don't know how to regulate their emotions, etc) but they don't know what to do differently.
Accepting help means changing and growing. It means letting go of some things and being willing to try new things. It means not always getting it right and being willing to try again.
In this week's podcast/YouTube episode, I'm sharing everything that went on during our second week of summer camp.
There were challenges, there were frustrations, there were big emotions and frustrations and disappointments.
And there were huge wins! And the wins only come as a result of all the challenges.
Here's a clip from the episode:
There are definitely times, especially for new students, where when they first come to Starfish, it is a lot because this is the kind of stuff we do. As I say, this is why we're here. So some kids go home having had a rough day or a rough week when they first start, because this is what we're doing. We're working on being more flexible, being more adaptable, being with a group, hanging out with other people, we've got personality conflicts. It's a group of almost exclusively autistic and ADHD kids. So if you think about your kiddo times 10, right, that's what it is. So sometimes when kids first come, it's hard. It is hard for them. Sometimes they're getting a lot of feedback from other kids and that's hard for them. Sometimes they're missing out on things and that's hard for them. Sometimes they're bothering people and the other kids don't want to play with them. But as long as we keep coming and keep working, it always, always, always gets better. Always gets better.
More from Social Skills is Canceled
Once upon a time, there were autistic, ADHD, and anxious students who struggled with thinking about others during conversations. Sometimes they would say things that hurt other people's feelings or were perceived as rude or disrespectful, or even things that other people didn't really want to talk about or hear about. Sometimes these students would stop listening when people talked about things that they didn't care about. Sometimes they would even tell people they weren't interested in what the group or the person was talking about. I created the lesson I'm sharing today for all of these students. In this lesson, our students learn what a social filter is, how it's different than lying, and when and why using a social fake is a good idea. We also practice taking some of our common complaints that we might have and turning them into problem-solving opportunities.
Once upon a time, there were autistic, ADHD, and anxious students who didn't know how to initiate a social conversation with someone that they knew. Some students weren't able to think of something that the person they were talking to liked or liked to talk about, so they ended up using generic conversation starters like, "Hey, what's up?" Or, "How's it going?" Some students were able to think of things they knew about the other person, but they didn't know how to use that information to start a conversation, so they didn't say anything. I created the lesson I'm sharing this week for all of these students. In this lesson, students learn the difference between an informational and a social conversation, and how to initiate a conversation with someone they know based on things they know about them.
Once upon a time, there were autistic, ADHD, and anxious students who didn’t recognize that there were some things that should be ‘alone behaviors’, or things we do whenwe are by ourselves. Some students had developed habits around ‘picking’, likepicking their nose, picking their skin, and/or picking at their pants or underwear. Other students didn’t realize that most people don’t want tohear someone burp or fart, so they didn’t know how to respond when they did it accidentally, OR they didn’t put any effort into trying to not do these things in front of others. And then there were students who often complained to others, even about situations and experiences that those around them were also going through at the same time.
Once upon a time, there were autistic, ADHD, and anxious kids and teens who struggled with staying on topic during a conversation. Some of the kids in this group continued talking about something, even when it was clear to everyone else that no one was interested in continuing to talk about that topic. Some students changed the topic every time they asked a question, unaware that others in the group had a hard time keeping up with all the changes and randomness, and that it really wasn't a conversation, it was more like an interview. And some of the kids had a hard time recognizing when others changed the topic, so they continued making comments about topics that the group had moved on from. There were also students in this group who got frustrated when the topic changed, because they still wanted to keep talking about that topic, and so they weren't able to change and shift with the group when the topic changed, as it always does. I created the lesson I'm sharing this week for all of these students. In this lesson, students learn how and when to change the topic appropriately, why they or others may choose to change the topic, and how to handle topic changes that they weren't wanting or expecting.
Once upon a time, there were autistic, ADHD, and anxious students who didn't know that there are stages or levels between strangers and friends. Sometimes these students treat people they kind of knew like they were strangers, not acknowledging them when they saw them. Sometimes they didn't know how to engage in small talk with people they kind of knew, so interactions were pretty awkward. And some students thought everyone they knew was their friend, which meant they were often too friendly or too personal with people they only kind of knew. And the reality is that most people in our lives are people we only kind of know. I created the lesson I'm sharing on this week's podcast for all of these students. In this lesson, I teach students that an acquaintance is someone we recognize from somewhere or something. We usually know their name, but not always. This can include students in our class or our group, neighbors, teachers, and friends of our parents. We also talk about what the social expectations are when we are around acquaintances, like small talk and introductions to other people.