Show Notes
In this episode of Raising Men, Shawn sits down with Lisa Johnson, a high-conflict divorce strategist, certified domestic violence advocate, and co-founder of Been There, Got Out. After enduring a decade-long legal battle with her ex-husband—including more than 100 court appearances—Lisa transformed her painful experience into a mission to help parents navigate high-conflict divorces and protect their children from emotional harm. She shares the lessons she learned about parental alienation, emotional resilience, and how parents can stay grounded and supportive for their children even when a former partner becomes an adversary.
Key Takeaways Children in high-conflict divorces often express anger or aggression as a fear response and a test of whether their remaining parent will stay emotionally present. Defending yourself when a child repeats accusations from the other parent can deepen the conflict, while validating their feelings helps preserve trust. Protecting children sometimes means shielding them from the legal and emotional chaos while seeking support and therapy for yourself. Consistent connection rituals—even just ten minutes of focused attention—can strengthen the parent-child bond and provide emotional security. A strong, judgment-free relationship with your child is the best long-term protection against alienation and manipulation. Top Quotes from Lisa Johnson
“One of the worst things you can do when your child repeats accusations from your ex is try to correct the record immediately.”
“Kids usually love both parents, so when they hear two completely different versions of the truth, it creates cognitive dissonance.”
“The most important thing is building a relationship with your child where they feel they can tell you anything without being judged.” Chapter Markers
00:00 — When Kids Parrot the Other Parent 00:35 — Parenting Through a High-Conflict Divorce 01:14 — Meet Lisa Johnson 01:54 — Discovering a Double Life 03:07 — Staying to Protect the “Intact Family” 04:10 — “This Will Be a Really Bad Divorce” 05:29 — Representing Herself in Court 06:20 — When Divorce Never Really Ends 07:01 — A Father Walks Away 08:20 — The Fear of Father Absence 08:55 — Scrambling for Support 09:45 — Finding the Right Therapist for Her Son 11:02 — Aggression as a Cry for Connection 12:13 — Why Kids Test if You’ll Stay 12:51 — Aggression as Fear Response 13:45 — When the Fighting Finally Stopped 14:28 — The College Battle 15:35 — Financial Abuse Through the Courts 16:47 — Why High-Conflict Cases Defy Logic 18:15 — Why People Don’t Believe These Stories 19:06 — Turning Trauma Into Advocacy 19:50 — What She Would Do Differently 21:54 — Why Coaching Matters in High-Conflict Cases 22:12 — Avoiding Barstool Legal Advice 24:05 — How Trauma Shows Up Differently in Sons 25:23 — Shielding Kids From the Conflict 26:41 — “She Kept It Together” 27:30 — The Power of Male Role Models 28:18 — A Grandfather Steps In 28:47 — Debate as a Path to Belonging 30:45 — When Coaches Become Father Figures 31:00 — When an Ex Turns Kids Against You 33:02 — How Parental Alienation Begins 34:26 — Why Defending Yourself Backfires 36:31 — Validating Feelings Before Facts 38:07 — When Humor Becomes Avoidance 39:00 — Planning Responses Before the Storm 40:12 — Parenting From the Calm Brain 42:28 — The 10-Minute Rule 44:43 — Why Rituals Matter 46:29 — Making Time Count as Kids Grow 47:06 — Building a Relationship That Lasts 48:59 — One Principle for Raising Strong Men 50:01 — Closing Reflections Books, Links, and References Mentioned When Your Ex Turns Your Kids Against You – Lisa Johnson https://beentheregotout.com/ Been There, Got Out – Support and strategy for high-conflict divorces https://beentheregotout.com/ Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder – Bill Eddy https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/bookstores/splitting High Conflict Institute – Founded by Bill Eddy https://www.highconf
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