494: Helping Teens Grow Up: Boundaries, Phones & Real-Life Responsibility
Wire Talk with Karen StubbsShow Notes
Today Karen is tackling your questions about navigating the teenage years, from motivating strong-willed teens to handling independence, changing relationships, and the ever-present “that’s not fair!” Karen shares what worked in her home, including how to stay connected to strong-willed teens, helping boys who are pulling away, and parenting through the ever-changing norms of phones, jobs, and freedom. Episode Recap: You can be strict in the teen years and have great relationships with adult kids (4:00) Give them a “no, because…” during the teen years (5:54) How do I motivate my 15 year old to help out around home? (7:25) Help! My 13 yr old thinks he knows everything! (11:37) My teenage son is pulling away, I feel sad and rejected (15:35) How do you handle keeping things “fair” during the teenage years? (18:40) We have to remember our teens are growing up and that’s messy (22:01)
Scripture: James 1:5 (NIV) “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.”
Discussion Questions: Where do you struggle most in balancing independence and safety with your teen? Are you naturally stronger in boundaries or connection? What needs strengthening? How does remembering your teen is still maturing affect your responses to them? Who supports you during the teen years, and how can you invite more support?
Resources: Reach out to https://birdsonawiremoms.com/book-karen-to-speak to have Karen come speak in your community! Join our private FB group, BOAW Moms: https://www.facebook.com/groups/BOAWmoms
More from Wire Talk with Karen Stubbs
What if making life easier for our kids is actually making it harder for them to grow up? Counselor David Thomas joins Karen and Emily to explain why struggle is GOOD for our kids and how doing hard things builds confidence and capability. Listen in and you’ll be challenged to resist the urge to rescue your kids and give them room to grow! Episode Recap: The pace of life has drastically changed in the last 30 years (3:00) Capability and confidence are built in the struggle to do hard things (7:15) We put too much emphasis on happiness (10:57) Why David intentionally signed his son up for a losing team one season (14:31) Narrating our own capability helps kids learn what it looks like in the real world (17:33) How can parents re-train their brains to allow more struggle in their kids’ lives? (24:47) A challenge for moms of boys! (30:30)
What if one of the best things we can do for our kids is let them struggle? Mom of eight and founder of The Exchange, Elizabeth Pehrson, joins Karen and Emily to talk about parenting for the long game. If you have a hard time watching your child fail, forget, or face the consequences of their choices, this conversation is for you! We hope it will encourage you to loosen your grip and trust God with the outcome. Episode Recap: Your job as a parent is to make sure they don’t need you - the hardest part is accepting your success (4:26) Long game parenting asks, “Who do I want my child to be at 25, 35, 45?” (6:45) How do we get more comfortable with watching our kids struggle? (9:37) Allowing them to experience natural consequences is loving (12:02) Practical examples of starting out small with independence (16:00) Trusting the Lord is the foundation of success in parenting (19:29) You are preparing them for leaving you (22:00)
Parenting a neurodivergent child can feel lonely, especially when the people around you don’t understand what everyday life looks like. Counselor Dr. Chinwé Williams joins Karen and Emily to unpack neurodivergence, executive functioning, and the important difference between “won’t” and “can’t.” Whether you’re raising a neurodivergent child or want to better understand a friend who is, this conversation will help you respond with more empathy and grace. Episode Recap: What does neurodivergent mean and who falls under that umbrella? (2:56) How do I know if it’s an actual skill deficit or simply a will deficit?’ (4:41) What is executive functioning and how do I know if my kid struggles with it? (7:53) Don’t get into unnecessary power struggles (13:08) How do we advocate for our child without removing all obstacles for them? (14:50)
Big emotions can leave even the most confident mom wondering, Is this normal… or should I be concerned? Counselor Dr. Chinwé Williams joins Karen and Emily to explain what’s happening in our kids’ brains when they completely lose it and how we can partner with them to teach coping skills so they can move toward handling hard emotions on their own. Episode Recap: Are kids struggling with mental health more these days or are we just better at recognizing it? (2:32) As young as age 5, kids are struggling with ‘task persistence’ (4:41) Anxiety is a sign - it’s not the enemy (8:54) Understanding the upstairs vs. downstairs brain (15:48) How do we help our child via co-regulation? (20:04) Where’s the line between attachment science and gentle parenting? (22:50)
Working moms carry a lot, and sometimes we make the load even heavier by carrying things God never asked us to! Erin Mashaw joins Karen and Emily to talk about mom guilt, comparison, and that nagging feeling that you’re always disappointing someone.If you’re constantly wondering whether you’re doing enough at work or at home, we hope this conversation will help you put down some of that weight!