Show Notes
This book we are talking about today is so authentic and vulnerable and I really appreciated the authors being willing to open up like they did. In their new book The Fight for Us: Overcome What Divides to Build a Marriage That Thrives, Rebekah and Gabe Lyons share their personal journey of overcoming challenges in their marriage, discussing how writing the book together was a vulnerable process that forced them to confront their own issues and communication problems. Join me as Rebekah and Gabe highlight how early trials in their marriage -- such as having a child with Down Syndrome -- could have torn them apart but instead brought them closer together. They stress the importance of leaning on and supporting each other during difficult times rather than retreating. The Fight for Us explores the "four dysfunctional dances" couples can find themselves in - avoidant, anxious, silent, and intense - and offers readers some guidance on how to recognize and break out of these unhealthy patterns. A key theme that we discuss is the need to look inward and take responsibility for our own contributions to marital problems, rather than automatically putting all of the blame on the spouse. Rebekah and Gabe encourage couples to better understand how past experiences shape their current behaviors and reactions, and they share how this self-reflection has been so integral to strengthening their own marriage over nearly three decades. Throughout our conversation, the Lyons are refreshingly honest about their own struggles, missteps, and growth, highlighting that even strong, long-term marriages require constant work, structure, and recommitment, especially during major life transitions. The Fight for Us offers practical tips for prioritizing the relationship and creating the emotional safety needed for vulnerable conversations – a relatable resource that I highly recommend grabbing a copy of! In This Episode
[0:35] - I am excited to welcome Rebekah and Gabe Lyons, authors of The Fight for Us, to the show! [1:59] - For Rebekah and Gabe, sharing their story via writing deepened their healing, clarity, faith, and connection as a couple. [4:43] - Gabe and Rebekah chose to face hardship together, building resilience via community and shared commitment. [6:15] - We hear how Rebekah and Gabe leaned on each other when their son's diagnosis changed so much for them. [8:11] - Gabe stresses looking inward rather than blaming your partner, while Rebekah stresses communicating hurt without automatically assuming harmful intent. [11:14] - Hear how the book identifies four conflict patterns in couples, urging awareness for deeper emotional connection. [14:43] - Despite initial incompatibility, the Lyons’ marriage succeeded via humility, growth, and choosing to fight together. [16:12] - Learn how vulnerability and honest conversation helped the Lyons push through hopelessness instead of giving up. [18:04] - Emotional safety ultimately requires mutual commitment and honesty, or vulnerability becomes difficult. [21:29] - Understanding generational patterns clarified Gabe’s and Rebekah’s roles and helped them redefine emotional and parental expectations. [23:46] - Reflecting on past wounds taught Gabe how vulnerability can lead to deeper connection in marriage. [26:07] - Rebekah argues that every stage of life brings fresh conflict but that awareness and honesty help couples navigate it better. [27:45] - Gabe has realized that, instead of fixing emotions, men must learn to validate their partner’s pain with empathy. [30:14] - Rebekah reflects on how saying yes to too much nearly cost them their intimacy, forcing them to reprioritize. [32:24] - Gabe argues that healthy marriages require structure, planning, and dreaming, even if it feels unromantic at first. [34:13] - Hear how a calendar audit helped the Lyons prioritize connection and value relationships over material things. [36:48] - Kids tend to feel safer when parents nurture joy and connection away from d
More from Crystal Paine Show
Have you ever walked into your house and felt overwhelmed by all the stuff staring back at you or felt guilty about the books that you haven’t read, the hobbies that you haven’t pursued, or the projects that you haven’t finished? If so, then this conversation is for you! I am so excited to have today’s guest in the studio again, especially since she was actually my first ever guest on this podcast! Listen in as I welcome Myquillyn Smith to The Crystal Paine Show. She is the author of House Hushing: The Simple Method to Declutter and Decorate for a More Peaceful Home, and I relate to SO much of what she shares in her book and in this episode! We talk about how our homes can become visually overwhelming without us even realizing it and how all that visual noise can leave us feeling exhausted instead of refreshed. With six kids and a baby in our care three days a week, I know what it’s like to have a gloriously full life, and I love the idea that our homes don’t have to add to the noise! Hear Myquillyn share her brilliant backwards decluttering method, which takes about twelve minutes and allows you to experience a room with less stuff before deciding what to keep or let go. We also talk about quiet decorating and how to make a space feel cozy without adding more clutter. We also explore soulful styling, or displaying sentimental items in ways that give them the attention they deserve, and creating boundaries around collecting things so that not everything competes for our attention. Plus, Myquillyn shares her approach to living seasonally, including how to evaluate what matters most in each season of life instead of feeling obligated to repeat traditions just because that’s what you’ve always done. This conversation gives me so much to think about, especially how our homes need to change as our families and lives change, and it will surely leave you thinking about this as well, so if you’re ready to create a more peaceful, welcoming home without feeling like you have to tackle everything at once, you won’t want to miss this episode! Also, don’t forget that my new book The 7 Habits of Financially Healthy Women comes out very soon on October 27th, so be sure to preorder yourself a copy to get yourself access to free goodies such as the money toolkit, resources for having conversations about finances with your spouse, and my five-lesson 5 Days to a Financially Healthier You course!
Listen in to this episode of The Crystal Paine Show as Jesse and I talk about something that I have been working on for a long time: my sixth book, The 7 Habits of Financially Healthy Women, which comes out very soon on October 27th! The release date was originally September 15th, so having it pushed back six weeks at the last minute has made for an interesting fall. Between running our business during its busiest season and suddenly having all these podcast interviews lined up, I have had plenty to keep me on my toes but I am so excited to finally share this book with you! I’m telling the story behind the book, including why I believe this may be my last one, what I learned from writing my very first book, and how this project became something completely different from my original idea. I wanted to create something more intentional than a collection of blog posts: a short, story-driven book that combines practical financial guidance with the personal experiences that shaped my approach to money, which includes lessons from my parents, the influence of my grandparents, and the legacy that they have left behind. I share stories that I haven’t told publicly before, along with some of the creative, outside-of-the-box ways my family learned to save money and build financial freedom. We also discuss what financial health actually means to me. It’s not about having a huge bank balance, owning a home, or being debt-free. It’s about finding peace and living intentionally with whatever resources you have. I want you to see how budgeting can help you spend on what matters to you, whether that’s a vacation, a concert, or a special dinner, without the guilt and/or stress. I am also sharing the resources available to help you put these ideas into practice, including my free five-day budget makeover and the exclusive bonuses that come with pre-ordering the book. We talk about the money toolkit, resources for having conversations about finances with your spouse, and my five-lesson 5 Days to a Financially Healthier You course. My hope is that you’ll walk away feeling encouraged, equipped, and confident that financial health is possible right where you are. You don’t have to have everything figured out to start making meaningful changes! I hope that you enjoy this episode, and please be sure to preorder a copy of the new book!
I am honestly truly honored to have Lysa TerKeurst joining me for this conversation! Lysa has been such a meaningful mentor in my life for many years, and in her new book, Making Peace With What I Can’t Control, she tackles something that I think so many of us wrestle with: the exhausting desire to fix, manage, and control the people and circumstances that we love. This conversation with Lysa helped me see control in a way that I hadn’t really considered before – sometimes, our struggle with control doesn’t come from wanting power; it comes from responsibility, capability, and care. We love people so deeply that we don’t want to watch them make choices that could hurt them, but there’s a difference between helping someone and trying to control their outcome, and Lysa explains how trying to rescue others can eventually lead to anxiety, exhaustion, and codependency. Listen in as we discuss parenting, including a story from my six-year-old’s first cross-country race that helped me understand the difference between supporting someone and controlling them. That conversation leads into something that has been especially significant in my own life: our desire to control how other people perceive us. We talk about approval, overthinking conversations, replaying what we said, and how a mistake can become a label we believe about ourselves. Lysa also opens up about some of the most painful seasons of her life, including betrayal, divorce, disappointment, and moments when she questioned whether she could truly trust God, and she opens up about what it means to hold onto faith when God doesn’t do what we thought He would do and why accepting reality isn’t the same thing as giving up. If you’re in a season in which you feel like you’re trying desperately to hold everything together, I really hope that this conversation feels like someone throwing you a rope and saying, “Just hold on for today!” You are not alone, and you don’t have to control the outcome to be okay. I hope that you enjoy my conversation with Lysa, and, as always, please feel free to reach out to me with any thoughts or questions! I would love to hear from you!
This episode of The Crystal Paine Show is honestly a little bit of everything - from chaotic travel stories to some really meaningful reflections from my recent trip to Focus on the Family, but I have to start off by telling you all about my travel adventures because I am apparently incapable of taking a trip without something happening. My flight to Focus on the Family was surprisingly uneventful, but another recent trip involved traffic, completely full airport parking garages, a frantic search for a parking spot, a shuttle bus, and me running through the airport trying to make my flight. Then, of course, there was the rental car that I genuinely thought wasn’t starting, only to discover that I had apparently been driving a hybrid before I realized it was already on! Underneath all those stories, however, there were some things happening in my heart that I really wanted to share. My time at Focus on the Family gave me a chance to reflect on what God was doing, some of the opportunities He was opening up, and the ways He was taking care of me in little moments when I felt overwhelmed. I also got to do something that was outside my usual comfort zone: talk about marriage and money on a marriage podcast. That combination can bring up a LOT of baggage, and I open up about why I was nervous about having that conversation and why, once I got into it, I realized just how passionate I am about helping couples have healthier conversations about money. Jesse and I also talk about my new book, The 7 Habits of Financially Healthy Women, the preorder bonuses we’ve created, and why I wanted those resources to be genuinely practical rather than just another thing to consume and forget, and finally, I get to share how meaningful it was to have my assistant, Jenny, travel with me for the first time! There was a lot packed into these few days, and I’m grateful for the opportunity to bring you along for all of it, so grab your coffee, settle in, and come hang out with us. As always, feel free to also reach out with your thoughts!
Author of the brand new book This Moment Matters: 100 Ways to Cultivate a Grace-Laced Life, Ruth Chou Simons comes back on the podcast, and I am so excited to have her back! The last time that we tried to record together, I was such a hot mess that we ended up doing an Instagram story and Facebook Live instead, so when she agreed to come back, I was thrilled, and this time, we actually have a podcast episode! I truly love Ruth's new book. There is so much practical wisdom in its pages and so many moments when I found myself saying, “Yes!” while also getting my toes stepped on a little bit. In this episode, we talk about what it means to cultivate beauty and grace in the middle of our very ordinary, very full lives. Ruth is a mom of six boys, and I could not stop asking her how she has managed to create such a beautiful home, but what I especially love about her approach is that it's not about having more money, buying more things, or waiting until life is less chaotic. It's about stewarding what God has already given us and learning to notice the beauty that's right in front of us. We talk about creating rhythms that help us start our days well, making space for God's Word, and even setting up a little scripture memory station. Ruth shares why small acts of faithfulness matter more than big accomplishments and how making room for inefficiency can lead to the conversations and relationships that we might otherwise miss. We also talk about motherhood, enjoying our kids, and the importance of leaving room in our calendars for nothing because, after all, sometimes the most meaningful moments happen when we're not rushing off to the next thing. If you're feeling overwhelmed, distracted, or like you need to get your life together before you can enjoy it, then this conversation with Ruth is definitely for you. Ruth reminds us that we don't have to wait for a better season to live a grace-laced life, that we can start right where we are, with what we have, today. Enjoy my conversation with Ruth Chou Simons, and, as always, please feel free to reach out to me with your thoughts!