Show Notes
For years, I asked my wife to initiate sex more often because I wanted to feel chosen and desired. Instead, my requests created pressure, scorekeeping, and a cycle that made genuine desire even harder. In this episode, I explain why I stopped asking, what I misunderstood about responsive desire, and how shifting from initiating sex to initiating connection transformed our intimate relationship. We'll talk about desire discrepancies, obligation sex, sexual entitlement, emotional connection, and how to express what you want without treating your spouse's body—or desire—as something you're owed. Resources: Couples Retreat Waitlist Men's and Women's Only Coaching Spark'd App Intimately Us App
More from Get Your Marriage On! with Dan Purcell
Have you ever been intimate with your spouse, but instead of enjoying the moment, you're stuck in your head? Wondering if they're enjoying it, worrying about your performance, or feeling pressure to make everything go just right? What if all that effort to make intimacy better is actually making it worse? In this episode, Dan shares a surprisingly vulnerable story from his own marriage about how his determination to be a great lover backfired—and what finally changed things for him and Emily. You'll discover why trying harder isn't always the answer, what might be getting in the way of the connection you crave, and how to get back to truly enjoying each other. Want to take your connection even deeper? Join Dan and Emily for their Virtual Lovemaking Retreat, November 6–7, where you'll learn to slow down and experience intimacy in a whole new way. https://getyourmarriageon.com/next-levels-virtual-lovemaking-retreat/
Has sex started to feel more like a responsibility than something you actually look forward to? Somewhere along the way, many couples stop playing together. Sex becomes serious, intimacy feels like work, and differences in desire create pressure instead of connection. In this episode, Dan sits down with returning guest and relationship coach Tammy Camp to talk about building an adult playground in your marriage—a place where both spouses feel free to explore, laugh, and enjoy each other. You'll discover why play matters in a healthy sexual relationship, how to bring back the fun when you have different desires, and simple ways to make intimacy feel less like an obligation and more like an invitation. Because great intimacy isn't just about what you do together. It's about how you feel together.
Do Christians really have worse sex lives—or is that just a story we've been told? After seeing conflicting claims online, Dan went straight to the data. What he found was surprising: churchgoing couples are having slightly more sex than those who rarely attend religious services—but both groups are having significantly less sex than couples did a generation ago. So what's really going on? In this episode, Dan separates Christian theology from the cultural messages about sex many of us grew up with. He shares three beliefs from Christian faith that can support a healthy, fulfilling sex life, plus three practical ways to build more intimacy, pleasure, play, and connection in your marriage. You'll also learn how to recognize beliefs about sex that may have come from culture rather than your faith—and why your faith might actually be one of your greatest advantages in building the sex life you want. Resources Virtual Retreat (November 6-7, 2026) In-person Couples Retreat (April 7-11, 2027) Our apps
What if your sex life is good—but you still sense there could be something more? Sex therapist Dr. Emily Jamea kept hearing this question from couples who had overcome their sexual struggles but still longed for the passion and intensity they once felt. Her search for answers led her to study sexual flow—the experience of becoming so immersed in intimacy that distractions disappear and time seems to stand still. In this episode, Dr. Emily shares five research-backed skills that can help couples move beyond "good enough" and experience deeper connection, greater pleasure, and sex that may be even better than the honeymoon stage. Want help putting these ideas into practice? Get my free eight-page guide to the five steps of sexual flow here. or Register for one of our retreat options: Virtual Retreat or In-Person Retreat
Has sex in your marriage become a yes-or-no question: "Are we having sex tonight?" For one spouse, that question may bring hope and anticipation. For the other, it may feel like a test they're about to pass or fail. When every flirtation, touch, or attempt at closeness seems tied to one expected outcome, both spouses may eventually stop reaching for each other. In this episode, Dan shares how this pass-or-fail dynamic affected his own marriage and introduces a different approach: the "menu mindset." You'll learn three practical ways to create more choice, flexibility, and genuine desire in your intimate relationship—without denying what you want or waiting for your spouse to change first. You'll learn how to: • Build a broader menu of physical and emotional connection • Replace "Are we having sex tonight?" with a better question • Respond to disappointment without withdrawing or applying pressure • Make intimacy feel more playful, pleasurable, and freely chosen Resources Get the Intimacy Menu in the Intimacy Vault--only available until September 30! 323: Roommate Marriage Episode 321: Why Your Libido Disappeared After the Honeymoon Next Level Couples Coaching Program Couples Retreat (April 2027)