It Wasn’t The Avoidant: Healing The Parts That Made You Lose Yourself with Alix B. (Client Stories)
LET’S TALK ATTACHMENTSShow Notes
In this episode, I sit down with a former coaching client to unpack the all-too-common experience of losing yourself in a relationship, especially when you have an anxious attachment style.
We talk about what happens when you prioritize your partner over your own needs, slowly sideline your friendships, and stay committed to someone whose words say one thing but whose actions say another. She shares her journey of loving the “nice” avoidant (the kind who isn’t malicious, but deeply unavailable) and the painful uncertainty of realizing that even a kind partner may still be unable to meet your needs.
Together, we explore how every relationship becomes a mirror for what you truly want, especially if you didn’t grow up with healthy role models… and how stepping into secure attachment requires both courage and accountability.
She also shares the tools that helped her rebuild her confidence, navigate singlehood with empowerment, and finally create a relationship with herself that feels trusting, grounded, and whole.
Learn about 1:1 Attachment Coaching with Jessica here.
More from LET’S TALK ATTACHMENTS
You know your attachment style and understand your triggers, but still fall into the same patterns. In this episode, I share personal experiences and relatable examples to explore emotional awareness versus emotional maturity, and how to move from explaining your reactions to pausing, communicating, and repairing.
Are you asking for too much or asking someone who can’t give you what you need? In this episode, we explore the difference between valid needs and unrealistic expectations, how to ask without pressuring, and when to accept someone’s limits or walk away. Your needs matter. So does their capacity.
What does your attachment style cause you to sacrifice in order to keep a relationship? In this episode, I explore how anxious, avoidant, and fearful-avoidant attachment can influence what we tolerate, give up, or mistake for “healing” in relationships, and how to tell the difference between healthy compromise and losing yourself. We’ll also explore one important question: What is this relationship costing me to stay? --> Work with me: Apply for 1:1 Attachment Coaching --> Go deeper: Join my What Would Secure Me Do? Substack for attachment exercises, prompts, and practical tools to help you build more secure relationships.
Dating after loving an avoidant can change the way you experience connection, chemistry, and even security. In this episode, I’m sharing what I’ve learned personally and professionally about dating more securely—without letting old attachment patterns choose for you. Ready to go deeper with your attachment patterns? Learn more about 1:1 Attachment Coaching with me.
In this episode, I’m talking about what it looks like to date securely after loving someone with anxious attachment. We’ll explore how an anxious relationship can shape the way you experience closeness, independence, reassurance, and even another person’s disappointment—and how those experiences can follow you into future relationships. I also unpack the difference between healthy relational needs and emotional overdependence, where avoidant patterns may need accountability too, and how to stop carrying old relationship fears into new connections. Because healing isn’t about finding someone who needs nothing from you—it’s learning how to create interdependence, where you can love someone, honor their needs, and still remain connected to yourself. If you’ve ever wondered, “Was I abandoning myself, or was intimacy simply asking me to stretch?” this episode will help you begin separating the two—and come back to the question: What Would Secure Me Do?®