Show Notes
Be Kinder to Yourself (Why Self-Criticism Isn’t Helping You Win) This week, Michelle takes a break from guest interviews to speak directly to something that stopped her in her tracks. After sending out a listener survey, one result hit hard: 80% of women said they struggle to be kind to themselves. Including Michelle. In this solo episode, Michelle unpacks how self-criticism sneaks in, why it feels productive (but isn’t), and how being relentlessly hard on yourself can quietly hold you back — even when you’re achieving on paper. This isn’t about fluffy self-care or letting yourself off the hook. It’s about awareness, honesty, and learning how to move forward without constantly tearing yourself down.
Key Talking Points & Timestamps 00:00 – Why this needed to be said Michelle explains why she felt compelled to pause guest episodes and talk openly about kindness — and what triggered this realisation. 01:08 – The survey result that changed everything 80% of women said they struggle to be kind to themselves — and why that statistic is both comforting and alarming. 02:41 – Catching the inner voice first thing in the morning How negative self-talk was showing up before Michelle had even opened her eyes — and why that matters. 03:25 – The ‘holy socks’ analogy Why we treat other people with more respect than we treat ourselves — and what that says about self-worth. 04:42 – When being “hard on yourself” backfires Michelle reflects on imposter syndrome in construction and how self-criticism limited her confidence and progression. 06:22 – Building the podcast without trusting herself Growing a podcast from scratch, hitting big milestones — and still being unable to acknowledge progress. 07:41 – When your worth gets tied to achievement Why high-achieving women never feel like they’ve “arrived” — and the cost of chasing constant validation. 09:00 – Starting from ‘I am enough’ (without losing your drive) Insights inspired by Joe Hudson on separating self-worth from outcomes. 09:35 – Fear, paralysis, and second-guessing How being unkind to yourself fuels procrastination and decision fatigue. 10:45 – The 9-day awareness exercise A simple but powerful way to notice, track, and challenge self-critical thoughts. 11:58 – Three ways to reframe unkind thoughts • Acknowledge without agreeing • Laugh at the ridiculous ones • Reframe with evidence and context 13:43 – The real cost of self-criticism Why it doesn’t make you better — just more disconnected, anxious, and distrustful of yourself. 14:58 – Chasing relief instead of alignment Why achievement doesn’t bring peace if you’re running from fear instead of moving with intention. 16:18 – “My story isn’t good enough” Why even the most impressive women downplay their journeys — and how common this mindset really is. 17:54 – Living in fight-or-flight without realising it How self-kindness helped Michelle regulate her nervous system and feel more grounded week to week. 18:43 – A quiet invitation, not a challenge Michelle encourages listeners to start with one thing: not being unkind to themselves. 19:22 – What’s next with Dare Club How this work around kindness, alignment, and self-trust is shaping the future of Dare Club.
Key Takeaways Being hard on yourself isn’t discipline — it’s often fear in disguise Self-criticism doesn’t fuel progress; it creates paralysis High achievement without self-kindness leads to disconnection You can accept emotions without agreeing with them Awareness is the first step — not perfection Starting from “I am enough” doesn’t kill ambition, it steadies it
Sign up to Dare club Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
More from She Who Dares, Wins.
In this episode of She Who Dares Wiggles, I'm joined by Stephanie, Olympic marathon runner, one-to-one run coach and mum. She never dreamed of the Olympics, but after a marathon ballot she expected to lose, a pandemic and a run of injuries, she ended up on the start line in Tokyo. We talk about the races, the setbacks, and why starting her own business may have been the bigger dare.
This week on She Who Dares Wins, I'm joined by Squash: adventurer, speaker and high-performance coach.
For twenty years, Leesa was deeply immersed in the corporate rat race—running global sales teams, traveling the world, and earning a living in a high-stakes, money-driven career. But behind the scenes, she was pushing herself to the absolute limit. When her mother passed away suddenly from lung cancer just nine months after diagnosis, and lockdown hit, Leesa faced a severe mental breakdown, burnout, and a prescription for one hundred and fifty milligrams of antidepressants that left her feeling like a zombie. Realizing life was far too short to stay trapped in a career that didn't serve her, she walked away from corporate sales with zero safety net.
In this exclusive mini bonus episode, host Michelle Hands catches up with world-record endurance runner Christine Hobson to ask for one simple, powerful dare for women looking to take control of their health without feeling overwhelmed. Despite running marathons, Christine shares her startling discovery after wearing a continuous glucose monitor: even active athletes can experience major blood sugar spikes after regular meals. Christine reveals how experimenting with a simple 20-minute brisk walk straight after eating completely transformed her glucose levels and metabolic health. Together, Michelle and Christine unpack the power of compounding daily micro-habits, why walking around the block while listening to an audiobook beats sporadic workout intensity, and how stepping out your back gate into nature can bring you right back to basics.
In this completely raw, unscripted, and single-take solo episode, I’m pulling back the curtain on a massive internal battle I’ve been fighting over the last six months: the paralyzing trap of external noise, over-strategizing, and quietly losing your true voice in the social media scroll. After 2.5 years of hosting this show and building a career on storytelling—from construction site cabins to high-production film sets—I recently realized I had fallen into a dangerous vortex. I was buying the courses, reading the books, obsessing over "traditional business formulas," and trying to force my creative brain into boxes where it just didn't fit. In the pursuit of perfection, I forgot who I was, how I wanted to show up, and why I started this journey in the first place.