435: Moving Past infidelity & Coping with Sudden Medication Changes
The Hardcore Self-Help Podcast with Duff the PsychShow Notes
In this episode, I address two deeply personal listener questions that highlight the complex nature of anxiety and emotional healing in relationships. The first question comes from a listener who has struggled with anxiety for most of their life, recently facing severe limitations due to Generalized Anxiety Disorder and medication changes. We talk about the genetic components of anxiety, the risks of benzodiazepines in older adults, and the importance of advocating for the right care—even if that means seeking new providers or considering higher levels of treatment. The second question dives into the emotional fallout after infidelity. A listener is working to rebuild their marriage after their wife's emotional and physical affairs but finds themselves overwhelmed by anger and trauma in the aftermath. I explore the importance of time, trauma-informed coping strategies, and how rebuilding trust is possible with consistent effort and support. Whether you're dealing with anxiety yourself or navigating complex relationship dynamics, this episode offers validation, practical advice, and hope. Key Discussion Points Question 1: Genetic Anxiety and Benzodiazepines Anxiety can be partially genetic—up to 50% of risk may be inherited.
Environmental factors, early life experiences, and chronic stress also play key roles.
Long-term anxiety can even change brain structures like the amygdala.
Benzodiazepines such as Xanax and Klonopin can be risky for older adults, but abrupt changes in medication are harmful and inappropriate.
Importance of finding the right provider—psychiatric care may be more appropriate than primary care in severe cases.
Options like partial hospitalization, intensive outpatient programs, or even voluntary hospitalization if suicidal thoughts worsen.
Consideration of alternative treatments like TMS, ketamine therapy, EMDR, or comprehensive medical workups.
Encouragement and validation that meaningful change is possible—even later in life.
Question 2: Healing from Infidelity Emotional and physical infidelity can lead to feelings of inadequacy and intense emotional reactivity.
The resurfacing of past wounds during present-day arguments is a trauma response.
Healing takes time; both partners must commit to rebuilding trust.
Grounding, breathing, and self-regulation tools are essential in emotional moments.
Individual therapy and journaling can help process complex feelings and trauma.
Couples therapy with a specialist in infidelity recovery can provide structure and support.
It's possible to rebuild a stronger relationship—but it takes honest effort from both sides.
Timestamps 00:00 – Intro 01:12 – Listener question: Is anxiety genetic? 03:22 – Genetics vs. environment in anxiety development 05:10 – Medication history and benzodiazepine concerns for older adults 08:45 – Advocating for appropriate psychiatric care 12:30 – Suicidal thoughts and higher levels of support 14:50 – Exploring alternative and emerging treatment options 17:15 – Words of encouragement and validation 19:45 – Listener question: Coping with infidelity and feeling inadequate 21:20 – Emotional fallout and trauma from betrayal 24:10 – Regulating emotional responses during arguments 26:00 – The role of time, patience, and couples therapy 28:20 – Journaling and individual processing for long-term healing 31:10 – Rebuilding a stronger relationship after infidelity 33:00 – Closing thoughts and takeaways Resources & Links Website: http://duffthepsych.com
Email: [email protected]
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@duffthepsych
Instagram: https://instagram.com/duffthepsych
If today's episode resonated with you, consider leaving a review or sharing it with someone who could use the support. Your stories and questions continue to make this podcast what it is—thank you for being here. Until next time, take care and keep pushing forward. You've got this.
More from The Hardcore Self-Help Podcast with Duff the Psych
We talk a lot about parenting. But we don't talk nearly enough about being a daughter. In this episode, I sit down with Dr. Allison Alford — communication scholar, professor at Baylor University, and author of Good Daughtering — to unpack the hidden emotional labor adult daughters carry inside their families. We explore the invisible work, the guilt, the pressure to be "enough," and how daughters can set boundaries without walking away from the people they love. This isn't about cutting family off. It's about understanding your role, recalibrating it, and finding pride instead of burnout. If you've ever felt like you're doing a lot… but it's never quite enough — this one will hit. What We Cover What "daughtering" actually means (and why it's invisible)
Dating and relationships have never been simple — but in today's world of apps, algorithms, and endless options, it's easy to feel overwhelmed and disconnected. In this episode, I speak with Dr. Justin Garcia, Executive Director of the Kinsey Institute, evolutionary biologist, sex researcher, and author of the upcoming book The Intimate Animal. We talk about what our biology can (and can't) tell us about love and desire, how technology is reshaping intimacy, and why breakups can hit so hard. We also get personal — sharing stories about grief, recovery, non-monogamy, and navigating love in the real world. Dr. Garcia brings a refreshingly nuanced perspective, blending science, lived experience, and a deep respect for the complexities of modern relationships. Topics Covered The biological basis of pair bonding and why love is a survival strategy
In this episode, I'm honored to welcome Dr. Tracy Hicks, a dual-certified family and mental health nurse practitioner with over two decades of clinical experience—and a deeply personal connection to serious mental illness. Dr. Hicks is both the daughter of a parent and the mother of a child with schizophrenia spectrum disorders. Her perspective blends professional expertise with lived experience in a way that is both deeply compassionate and refreshingly practical. We talk about what schizophrenia really is (and isn't), the impact of stigma on individuals and families, and the importance of person-centered, empathetic care. Dr. Hicks shares her personal journey—raising a daughter with serious mental illness while navigating barriers in the healthcare system—and offers guidance for both providers and caregivers who want to better support those living with schizophrenia. This is a powerful and deeply human conversation for anyone touched by serious mental illness. Topics We Cover What schizophrenia is and how it's commonly misunderstood
In this episode, I share the absolute honest truth about my life at the moment. I also talk about my focus for this year, the phrases I can't get out of my head, and the things I'm grateful for from the last year. Let's do this. Got a question for the show? Email [email protected] or head over the http://duffthepsych.com/contact. Watch the video at http://youtube.com/duffthepsych Follow me on Instagram at http://instagram.com/duffthepsych and Facebook at http://facebook.com/duffthepsych More writings and additional podcast content over at https://robertduff.substack.com/
In this deeply informative episode, I'm joined by licensed marriage and family therapist Melissa Mose, LMFT, who brings 30 years of clinical experience to the table and a unique approach to treating OCD by integrating Internal Family Systems (IFS) with traditional methods like Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP). Melissa shares how a personal experience—her daughter's sudden-onset OCD—propelled her into the world of OCD treatment and changed the direction of her career. We talk through how OCD manifests, why traditional ERP can be both life-changing and difficult for people, and how IFS can offer a more compassionate, effective way to approach healing by helping clients access their internal "Self." We also discuss Melissa's new book for clinicians, her training work, and the upcoming OCD SoCal Conference happening online on November 15–16, 2025. 🧠 What We Discuss in This Episode: Melissa's unexpected path from literature and mythology to psychotherapy