70s/80s Trash TV! The Battle of the Network Stars
PAST 10s: A Top 10 Time Machine - Music of the 70s, 80s and MoreShow Notes
Ladies and gentlemen, what you are about to experience is nothing less than a rollicking romp through the gilded pantheon of televised tomfoolery! In this extraordinary edition of “Past Tens: The Top 10 Time Machine,” your indefatigable host Dave, with the unparalleled, inimitable chartmeister Milt sidelined by injury, in steps a stupendous subsititution, the incomparable Mark Gerber! The duo embark upon a triumphant return to that most spectacular, most ludicrous, most magnificently melodramatic of American institutions: The Battle of the Network Stars! Dave and Mark seize the moment, diving headlong into the swirling waters of nostalgia. They revisit — with the reverence of historians and the joi de vivre of carnival barkers — the unforgettable competitions of the '70s and '80s: the sinew-straining tug-of-war battles, the kayaking cataclysms that defied physics, the controversies that shook the nation, and the races that left audiences gasping for breath. Marvel as Debbie Allen storms back from adversity on the obstacle course! Tremble as kayak after kayak — piloted by celebrities who had no business in watercraft — spirals into beautifully chaotic disaster! Relive the titanic clash between Gabe Kaplan and Robert Conrad, a showdown that echoed through the annals of competitive fluff! And through it all, you’ll hear the resonant ghost of Howard Cosell himself, narrating each triumph and tragedy with Olympian gravitas and trademark incredulity. This is no mere recap, friends — it is a celebration of Trash TV in its purest, most incandescent form. A reminder of why this bizarre, charming, star-studded spectacle remains etched into the hearts of millions.
Topics 00:53 Declaring the Golden Age of Trash TV 01:12 Enter Mark Gerber — a man ready for battle 02:28 Time Machine engaged: Destination, Network Stars 04:35 Celebrity titans reviewed 10:23 The Voice of God: Cosell’s commentary 13:54 Countdown ignites 26:39 Crystal vs. Letterman — an unlikely duel 32:34 Debbie Allen triumphs heroically 36:02 Ow! Injuries aplenty 36:49 Debbie Allen’s unquenchable spirit 37:03 Celebrity connections revealed 38:25 Mark Harmon: athlete among mortals 40:02 “Summer School” reveries 42:48 Kayaks of chaos 1:00:02 Tug of war tension mounts 1:07:21 The climactic heave-ho 1:08:30 A plunge into Real People 1:10:36 CBS vs. NBC — a struggle for the ages 1:15:45 Cosell’s iconic crowning moments 1:30:28 Conrad vs. Kaplan: The myth, the matchup 1:38:09 A wistful farewell to the magic of Network Stars
More from PAST 10s: A Top 10 Time Machine - Music of the 70s, 80s and More
Dave (coughing through the cold open) and chartmeister Michael “Milt” Wolfe take Past 10s back to the week ending Oct. 2, 1999, detouring through Adam Yas singing the national anthem at a Patriots game, listener mail about forgotten “best claps” songs, and why Polish jokes exist. They set the scene with Freaks and Geeks premiering, Double Jeopardy topping the box office, and ER ruling TV, then dive into a late-’90s Latin crossover-heavy countdown.
Dave and Milt record a special episode focused on ranking the best hand-clap songs, defining picks as songs where clapping is a crucial, compelling element that makes listeners want to clap along (not just a brief moment). You know, clapping. … Why are we overexplaining this? Sorry. … They discuss postponing recording due to Milt attending a Yankees playoff game, announce that Dave’s brother Adam Yas will sing the national anthem on the field before Sunday’s Patriots game (with related family coincidences), and note Milt’s AI-assisted birthday song for Dave (appended to the episode). Using combined rankings from over 50 candidates plus listener suggestions, they count down the top 10.
Dave and Milt revisit the rock chart for the week ending Oct. 6, 1984—after initially and repeatedly calling it 1983 and later admitting the error. After banter about ice cream habits, a contrived Willy Wonka competition show, and brief history/pop-culture notes (Richard Noble’s 633 mph “Thrust 2” land-speed record, Carl Yastrzemski’s final at-bat, Lech Wałęsa’s Nobel Prize, The Big Chill, and AfterMASH), they count down the rock Top 10: Krokus “Midnite Maniac,” Billy Idol “Flesh for Fantasy,” Survivor “I Can’t Hold Back,” Honeymoon Suite “New Girl Now,” U2 “Pride (In the Name of Love),” Lindsey Buckingham “Go Insane,” Bruce Springsteen “Cover Me,” David Bowie “Blue Jean,” The Fixx “Are We Ourselves,” and John Cafferty & the Beaver Brown Band “On the Dark Side.” They discuss trivia (Miami Vice placement, Bowie’s Jazzin’ for Blue Jean film, Bono lyric correction, Springsteen dance remix), play a “blue/blues” quiz, pick U2 as winner, and swap out Survivor and Buckingham for Twisted Sister “I Wanna Rock” and KISS “Heaven’s on Fire,” then plug social channels and a future “Freedom Rock” episode invite.
Dave and Milt revisit the famously corny-but-great Freedom Rock compilation, tackling side two track by track while rating each song’s “Freedom Rock” authenticity in a Cheech-and-Chong-style “vans” scale of 1-5 via ChatGPT. They banter about pet allergies, the ad’s cultural afterlife, and whether Freedom Rock could’ve become a movement like yacht rock. Also, Dave makes a simply miraculous run “guessing the vans.” Song SPOILERS below.
Dave and Milt slip into their glowing white socks and travel back to September 22, 1979—when albums mattered, packaging was an art form and apparently everybody owned a synthesizer. [EPISODE SPOILERS IN LIST OF TOPICS BELOW. In case you care. … You probably don’t. Sigh.] Before entering the time machine, the guys wade into the Macklemore–Robert Kraft controversy, debating free speech, private venues, “Free Palestine,” antisemitism and whether anybody emerges from the whole mess looking particularly good.Then it’s on to the week’s Top 10 albums: Robin Williams unleashes his manic mind, The Cars avoid the sophomore slump, Earth, Wind & Fire decline to release “September” in September, and The Commodores prove there was more to them than Lionel Richie. Michael Jackson steps Off the Wall, Chic battles the disco backlash, Supertramp serves breakfast, Bob Dylan finds Jesus, The Knack discovers that overnight success has an expiration date, and Led Zeppelin delivers one final studio album—with six covers, a paper bag and a surprising amount of synthesizer. Plus: the Winner of the Week, two substitutions and the continuing criminal exclusion of the B-52’s from the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. Topics 00:00 Cold open: Lunch in Libya, glowing socks and compulsory Knack listening01:00 Welcome—and Milt’s controversial decision to wear a tie04:00 Macklemore, Robert Kraft and the Ed Sheeran tour controversy08:00 Free speech, private venues and the right to say—or refuse to host—something12:00 Does shutting down speech help the cause or create a martyr?15:00 Why has “Free Palestine” captured so much attention from young Americans?19:00 The time machine lands on September 22, 197921:00 No. 10: Robin Williams — Reality… What a Concept33:00 No. 9: The Cars — Candy-O42:00 No. 8: Earth, Wind & Fire — I Am49:00 No. 7: The Commodores — Midnight Magic54:00 No. 6: Michael Jackson — Off the Wall1:10:00 No. 5: Chic — Risqué1:21:00 No. 4: Supertramp — Breakfast in America1:31:00 No. 3: Bob Dylan — Slow Train Coming1:39:00 No. 2: The Knack — Get the Knack1:46:00 No. 1: Led Zeppelin — In Through the Out Door1:58:00 The complete Top 10 recap2:00:00 Winner of the Week: Who else?2:01:00 Milt’s substitution: Talking Heads — Fear of Music2:04:00 Dave’s substitution: The B-52’s — The B-52’s2:08:00 Spotify frustrations, contact information and one final bowl of NyQuil