
68. The Biggest Myth in Horse Training: Dominance
The Thinking Horse and Rider: Helping Riders Understand Their Horses | Anna FoxShow Notes
What does it really mean to be a leader for your horse? For decades, riders have been taught that safety depends on being the “boss”—that horses need a dominant leader who controls every situation. But is that how horses actually live? In this episode of The Thinking Horse and Rider, I sit down with Kim Hallin of Unbridled LLC, author of Horse Wisdom, to explore what horse ethology tells us about leadership, dominance, and the complex social lives of horses. Together, we discuss why wild horse herds don’t operate the way many of us were taught, how fear and control have shaped traditional horsemanship, and what we can learn by observing horses with curiosity instead of judgment. We also explore how our relationships with horses often mirror our relationships with ourselves and others, why autonomy and emotional regulation matter, and how true leadership is built on trust, clarity, and connection—not force. If you’ve ever questioned the advice to “show your horse who’s boss,” this conversation will challenge you to think differently about partnership, leadership, and what horses have been trying to teach us all along. In this episode you’ll learn: • Why dominance theory doesn’t accurately describe horse society • How wild horses share leadership and adapt to changing situations • The difference between leadership and control • How fear influences both riders and training methods • What horses can teach us about relationships, community, and living with greater awareness Chapters and Timestamps 00:00 Welcome Kim Hallin of Unbridled 01:05 What “Unbridled” Really Means 03:10 Horses, Humans, and Domesticated Beliefs 05:35 Are Humans Still Learning From Nature? 08:20 Where Dominance Theory May Have Started 10:15 Why Horse Herds Aren’t Dominance Hierarchies 13:35 Resource Guarding vs True Leadership 16:20 Why Riders Cling to Control 19:10 Fear, Trauma, and “Get Back On” Culture 23:40 When Riding Stops Feeling Joyful 27:30 How Fear Affects Horse and Rider Safety 30:45 Are We Rebranding Control as Leadership? 34:10 Boss vs Leader in Horse-Human Relationships 37:30 What Wild Horses Teach About Cooperation 41:05 Why Force Is Rare in Natural Herds 44:15 Stallions, Fighting, and Misunderstood Behavior 48:20 What Changes When Horses Aren’t Confined 51:10 Scarcity, Hay Piles, and Domestic Herd Stress 54:35 Shiloh the Mustang and Herd Education 59:45 What Young Stallions Actually Need to Learn 1:04:20 The Myth of the Alpha Mare 1:07:15 How Herds Help Raise Foals 1:11:10 Why Autonomy Matters for Horses 1:14:25 Micromanagement and Learned Helplessness 1:18:40 Naming Hard Truths Without Shame 1:21:15 10-Minute Experiment: Watch Spinal Alignment 1:26:30 Kim’s Retreats and Online Community 1:30:10 Horse Wisdom, Ownership, and Consent 1:34:45 Holding Complexity Without Getting Triggered To learn more about Kim Hallin’s work, visit kimhallin.com, where you’ll find information about her immersive retreats, online courses, membership community, and her book, Horse Wisdom: Life Lessons for Humanity. Kim also shares thoughtful essays exploring horse behavior, relationships, and the wisdom of nature through her Substack, My Unbridled Life. Whether you’re looking to deepen your understanding of horse ethology or explore the parallels between horses and human relationships, her work offers a unique and thought-provoking perspective. Get the FREE Awareness workshop www.equusenlightened.com Find me on social media as @equusenlightened. Join the Horse and Rider Lab on Skool. It’s free! https://www.skool.com/equus-enlightened-8966/about Watch on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@equusenlightened Read blogs or find more links @ https://linktr.ee/equusenlightened Find out more about Reconnect, Rebuild, and Ride with Heart https://equusenlightened.com/reconnect-rebuild-horse-human-partnership
Email me at [email protected] Happy Riding!
More from The Thinking Horse and Rider: Helping Riders Understand Their Horses | Anna Fox
Could you ask your horse to walk exactly seven steps—and stop on the seventh? It sounds simple, but Daniel Dauphin explains why slowing down can reveal the gaps we rush past. In Beyond the Bit: Slow Down to Learn Faster with Daniel Dauphin, I’m joined by the horseman, clinician, and host of Adult Onset Horsemanship for a conversation about better learning at both ends of the reins. We explore what bits can—and can’t—do, why the walk deserves more attention, and how stepping outside our horse-world bubbles can make us more thoughtful riders. Daniel also shares his vision for the Best Horse Practices Summit and discusses Buck the Trend, a mental-health initiative supporting people in the horse community. Along the way, expect a few dad jokes and practical exercises for this episode’s ten-minute experiment. Explore Daniel’s work and the organizations mentioned: • Dauphin Horsemanship: https://dauphinhorsemanship.com • The Bit Course: https://thebitcourse.com • Best Horse Practices Summit: https://besthorsepracticessummit.org Content note: This episode includes discussion of suicide and mental health.
What happens when the plan falls apart? In this episode of The Thinking Horse and Rider, Anna Fox talks with Adam Trenk, CEO of Genuine Billy Cook Saddles, about horses, leadership, pressure, resilience, and rebuilding an iconic Western brand. Adam shares the story of acquiring Genuine Billy Cook after years of decline, slowing production down to restore craftsmanship and quality, and then rebuilding the company again after a devastating tornado destroyed the factory in Sulphur, Oklahoma. But this conversation goes far beyond saddles. Anna and Adam explore the parallels between horsemanship and entrepreneurship: taking small wins, rebuilding trust, staying patient under pressure, learning from failure, and knowing when to adapt instead of forcing the original plan. They also talk about saddle fit, Western versus English riding, leadership, nervousness, and one of the most important questions we can ask before working with a horse: What’s the mission? Because the right tool, the right amount of pressure, and even the right plan depend on the horse, the situation, and what you’re actually trying to accomplish. In this episode: • The rebirth of Genuine Billy Cook Saddles • Rebuilding after the 2024 Sulphur tornado • Why patience and small wins matter in horses and business • Using the least amount of pressure possible • Saddle fit and choosing the right tool for the job • What horses teach us about leadership • Failure, resilience, and getting back on • Situational awareness and knowing when to change the plan Whether you ride Western, English, dressage, hunters, jumpers, or just want to become a more thoughtful partner for your horse, there’s plenty here to take back to the barn. 🎧 Listen now and ask yourself: What’s today’s mission? Learn more about Genuine Billy Cook Saddles at genuinebillycook.com. Want to go deeper into awareness, trust, timing, and communication with your horse? Find Reconnect, Rebuild & Ride with Heart in the show notes.
Can changing the way you move help your horse move with greater ease? Feldenkrais Method practitioner and Debono Moves creator Mary Debono joins us to explore how a rider’s balance, breathing, tension, and movement habits shape the horse–human conversation. We discuss why familiar patterns aren’t always comfortable, how curiosity can be more effective than correction, and why trying harder can sometimes make movement more difficult. Mary shares a gentler approach to rider pain, horse stiffness, compensatory movement, and nervous-system learning. She also guides us through a short seated movement experience designed to increase awareness, ease, and choice. Please wait until you are seated somewhere safe—and not driving, riding, or operating equipment—to try it. Learn more about Mary at marydebono.com. Get your free videos here: https://www.marydebono.com/rider
We pay the bills. We buy the feed. We schedule the vet. We rearrange our lives around our horses. It’s easy to start feeling like the horse should give us something back. A good ride. Good behavior. Effort. Compliance. But horses don’t think about relationships that way. In this episode of The Thinking Horse & Rider, we’re talking about relational tension—the tension that develops when expectations, control, trust, communication, and partnership all collide. We’ll explore why “my horse should do this for me” can quietly change the way we ride, why compliance is not the same as partnership, and what happens when we stop asking whether the horse was “good” and start asking how the horse actually felt that day. We’ll also talk about: • Why caring for your horse does not purchase obedience • The difference between compliance and true partnership • Why horses need clear communication, not constant management • How predictability builds relational trust • Why agency, choice, and control matter to horses • How entitlement can creep into horse training without us realizing it • Why a “good horse” is not always a happy horse • How to redefine trust so it doesn’t mean “my horse will never surprise me” • What it means to listen without immediately trying to control the outcome One of the biggest questions in this episode is: Can you allow your horse to make a small choice without treating that choice as a threat to your authority? Get the FREE Awareness workshop www.equusenlightened.com Find me on social media as @equusenlightened. Join the Horse and Rider Lab on Skool. It’s free! https://www.skool.com/equus-enlightened-8966/about Find out more about Reconnect, Rebuild, and Ride with Heart in the Skool Classroom You can also view videos of the riding episodes or listen to all of them on YouTube under Come Ride with Me Riding Videos. My channel is https://www.youtube.com/@equusenlightened Read blogs or find more links @ https://linktr.ee/equusenlightened Walk to Partnership Meditation https://assets.cdn.filesafe.space/9ckgbm3alzfPQK2HDqho/media/6aac819d867721cb57117360.mp4 Reference Articles https://www.mdpi.com/2076-2615/11/6/1798 https://www.mdpi.com/2076-2615/11/10/2782 https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/animal-welfare/article/opportunities-for-agency-in-domestic-horses-applying-the-behavioural-domain-to-increase-equine-welfare/B79F7F53E2E15FE65DF4EEC3D078C58D Email me at [email protected] Happy Riding!
What happens when trying harder actually makes riding harder? In this episode of The Thinking Horse & Rider, we’re digging into emotional tension—the pressure riders put on themselves to do everything correctly, remember every instruction, fix every mistake, and manage every part of the horse at once. That tension doesn’t just make riding feel harder. It can also make your cues less clear, your body less sensitive, and your horse less certain about what you’re actually asking. We’ll talk about: Why emotional tension often looks like overthinking instead of obvious fear How too many simultaneous cues can confuse the horse Why rewarding the right answer matters just as much as asking the question How pressure, release, repetition, and pauses affect learning Why “more” is not always better How tension narrows attention and reduces your ability to feel subtle information Why curiosity is more useful than immediately labeling something right or wrong How to stop correcting every little thing before your horse has a chance to respond You’ll also get this week’s 10-Minute Experiment: a simple walking exercise where you count the horse’s footfalls, quiet the noise, and start developing better feel. The goal isn’t to ride perfectly. It’s to become quiet enough—physically, mentally, and emotionally—to actually hear what your horse is already telling you. Sometimes your horse isn’t ignoring you. Sometimes they just can’t find the question in all of your noise. Get the FREE Awareness workshop www.equusenlightened.com Find me on social media as @equusenlightened. Join the Horse and Rider Lab on Skool. It’s free! https://www.skool.com/equus-enlightened-8966/about Find out more about Reconnect, Rebuild, and Ride with Heart in the Skool Classroom You can also view videos of the riding episodes or listen to all of them on YouTube under Come Ride with Me Riding Videos. My channel is https://www.youtube.com/@equusenlightened Read blogs or find more links @ https://linktr.ee/equusenlightened