42: GUEST | Attachment Styles Aren't Personality Types - They're Survival Strategies with Bev Mitelman, M.A.

Season 2 is here! And it's not all theory but it is all truth. I didn't get into anger work because I had it figured out. I got into it to fix my husband. Spoiler: I was a really big part of the problem too. We were drowning: reactive, defensive, resentful, barely holding it together, and we nearly didn't make it. It was in the darkest stretch of our marriage that I realized anger wasn't our villain. It was our signal. And if we didn't learn how to understand it, we were going to pass it down. So I studied it. Built frameworks around it. Tested it in my own marriage and my own parenting. Not only did we thrive, my clients have continued to, too. That's how Anger Intelligence™ was born. And this season, we're going deeper than we ever have. We're learning the language of anger: the archetypes, the patterns, the nervous system wiring underneath it all. We're building the literacy most of us were never taught but absolutely should have been. And we're doing it because we are transitional characters. We break cycles. We change what the next generation inherits from us. This isn't about becoming calmer. It's about becoming literate about the emotion that's been trying to protect you all along. Your anger isn't going away. But this season, it becomes your compass. Let's talk some SHIFT.

Some secrets protect us. Others keep us from healing. In this profoundly honest episode, I sit down with author, mental health advocate, and suicide loss survivor Lisa Sugarman. Lisa shares how she discovered (35 years later) that her father’s sudden death was actually suicide, a truth her mother kept hidden to protect her 10-year-old heart. We talk about grief, parenting, secrecy, and how Lisa transformed her personal pain into The Help Hub, a free mental health resource center. We also talk about how sharing our stories, even the hardest ones, can literally save lives. This episode is open, emotional, and deeply human. It’s about connection, empathy, and why telling the truth, in the right time and way, can be the beginning of real healing. 🧨 In This Episode, We Talk SHIFT About: 00:00 – Lisa’s mission: “What’s more powerful than knowing you kept someone here?” 01:27 – Her background in writing, parenting content, and mental health advocacy 02:52 – Losing her father suddenly at 10… and learning the truth decades later 06:06 – Why her mother kept the suicide a secret, and how she found out 10:17 – Rebuilding trust and deepening their mother-daughter relationship 14:48 – Featuring her 86-year-old mom in her next book 16:57 – Advice for anyone feeling betrayed by a family secret 18:23 – Davina shares her own story: her husband's suicide plan and sobriety journey 21:21 – What makes a suicide attempt not about wanting to leave loved ones 25:49 – Challenging shame and silence around suicide and mental illness 30:44 – The dangerous myth that suicide is a “selfish” act 33:48 – Launching The Survivors podcast with an attempt survivor co-host 43:30 – Building The Help Hub as a free, searchable mental health resource 55:25 – How Lisa manages the emotional weight of helping others 1:24:16 – The moment Lisa realized she had truly saved a life 1:28:03 – Her upcoming book on surviving her father’s death… twice

Most parenting books tell you what to fix. This one tells you why it’s broken. In this deeply grounded episode, I sit down with Richard O’Keefe: father of six, grandfather of 23 (!), great-grandfather of four (!!), and author of 9-1-1: What Is Your Parenting Emergency?. Richard teaches parenting skills to incarcerated fathers through Utah State University and has created a simple, powerful framework based on four core emotional needs every child has. We talk about how unmet emotional needs in childhood often lead to incarceration, addiction, and relational breakdowns in adulthood and what every parent can do now to stop that cycle. This episode is calm, clear, and rich with lived experience. It’s not about shaming or strategy overload, it’s about understanding what makes a child feel whole, and what happens when they don’t. 🧨 In This Episode, We Talk SHIFT About: 00:00 – The four core emotional needs all children share 03:10 – 15 parenting skills that meet those emotional needs 05:50 – Richard’s breaking point (and the mashed potatoes incident) 08:20 – Why most parenting books overwhelm and overcomplicate 10:40 – Teaching incarcerated fathers how to reconnect with their kids 13:35 – Why most people in prison didn’t have their emotional needs met 16:15 – The power of teaching values (and how it starts at dinner) 20:42 – How traditional masculinity shuts down emotional connection 23:00 – The "fixer" instinct vs. emotional attunement in relationships 27:15 – Parenting as a team (even when co-parenting is complicated) 31:20 – Why his students should be motivational speakers 33:05 – What led Richard to write 9-1-1: What Is Your Parenting Emergency? 35:20 – The iceberg metaphor of behavior and emotional needs 38:00 – What it means to make “positive deposits” with your kids 42:20 – Raising boys into men as a single mother 45:00 – The values his students wish they’d been taught 47:00 – Anger management and the “upstairs/downstairs brain” 50:00 – How Davina’s own parenting moments led to repair and growth 54:00 – Helping dads raise children from behind bars 57:10 – What to do when only one partner wants to do the work 59:30 – Why we weaponize emotional growth in relationships and how to stop 01:02:00 – Unconditional love, earned trust, and realistic expectations

You’re not selfish. You’re not broken. And you’re damn sure not failing. You’re just a single mom living in a world that applauds your exhaustion and punishes your boundaries. In this powerful and validating episode, I’m joined by licensed therapist and Solo Shift podcast host Wedeh Guar, a woman who's not only raising kids solo but raising the standard for what thriving can look like after heartbreak, depletion, and identity loss. We talk about co-parenting with inconsistent partners, letting go of who people want you to be, and how to rebuild your sense of self when you're done performing but still showing up for your kids. Wedeh brings the grounded truth, gentle humor, and the kind of "seen and soothed" energy every overwhelmed mom deserves. 🧨 In This Episode, We Talk SHIFT About: 00:00 – Parenting through emotional fatigue 04:23 – Redefining what “good mom” even means 08:15 – Letting go of external validation + role performance 12:40 – What happens when the co-parent is inconsistent, absent, or unavailable 19:01 – The grief and guilt of needing space from your child 22:18 – Co-parenting with a ghost (or a situationship) 26:07 – How healing often triggers the people who benefit from your burnout 31:55 – “You get to be petty and peaceful.” 36:14 – How delulu phases sometimes save single moms 40:29 – Owning your parenting wins without needing applause 45:02 – Parenting through loneliness and longing 49:35 – What to do when your kids reflect the pain you’re still holding 54:50 – Reclaiming identity beyond “Mom” 58:10 – Wedeh’s message for moms who feel like they’re drowning

He thought money would fix it. It didn’t. In this open-hearted and deeply honest episode, I sit down with Kevin Palmieri, co-founder and CFO of Next Level University, to unpack the silent suffering so many men carry, and the identity death it takes to finally come alive. They talk about everything men are rarely allowed to say out loud: Rock bottom moments and intrusive thoughts Rage masked as self-reliance Identity wrapped up in performance The loneliness of male friendship, Rebuilding after feeling worthless …plus Kevin walks through the SHIFT Framework™, sharing how men can rebuild their sense of self, heal without shame, and start showing up with integrity AND without losing their edge. This one’s for every man who wants more, and everyone who loves one. 🔍 In This Episode, We Talk SHIFT About: 00:00 – Meet Kevin 02:15 – Why success didn’t feel like success 04:30 – The cost of achievement without alignment 06:40 – The podcast that saved his life: Hyperconscious to NLU 08:20 – What led him to the edge—and the moment he called for help 10:15 – Meeting Alan, building trust, and why men need safe male friends 13:00 – Loneliness in male friend groups, locker room talk, and internal conflict 15:30 – How father wounds shape emotional safety 18:10 – Why men don’t go first and why they need to 20:00 – Discomfort with being different (and learning to own it) 22:40 – The danger of over-identifying with pain as power 25:10 – Meeting his father at 27—and releasing the villain story 28:00 – Why savior energy is unsustainable (and how to tell it’s showing up) 30:40 – Letting people down without betraying yourself 33:10 – Why “being your own boss” doesn’t always mean flexibility 35:20 – The SHIFT Framework: Kevin breaks it down for men    45:00 – Why emotional growth isn’t sexy but it’s essential 47:10 – How Kevin and Alan coach men through meaning, purpose & identity 49:00 – Final message: nobody else will believe in you until you do