232. Impulse Control vs Distress Tolerance | Which Skill Matters More?

Self-monitoring is the skill that quietly changes everything: focus, impulse control, distress tolerance, and even conflict at home and school. In this Overpowering Emotions episode, Dr. Caroline teaches educators, parents, and mental health professionals how to build self-monitoring as a trainable skill—not a sticker chart, not a punishment, and not a “catch them when they’re already melting down” plan.

You’ll learn how to start with behaviours kids already know (think: a task they can do on autopilot), set a clear target using Dr. Caroline’s SOAP criteria, create a simple tracking system, and use cues like timers or classroom chimes to help kids “pause and check.” You’ll also hear how to reinforce the right thing early on: accurate awareness, even when the child wasn’t on task.

If you support kids with ADHD, anxiety, big feelings, classroom disruptions, or sibling conflict, this episode gives you practical language, ready-to-use examples, and a step-by-step way to grow independence—without nagging, shame, or power struggles.

Homework activities for adults (plus resources to prep) Homework A: Pick the “easy win” target Choose a behaviour during a task the child already knows well (not new learning). Write the target using SOAP: Specific: exactly what they will do Observable: you can see/hear it Appropriate: fits the setting Personal: fits the child’s level

Resource: a one-sentence target + a short list of examples/non-examples. Homework B: Build a simple self-monitoring form Pick ONE method: Checklist (multi-step tasks like chores/writing) Rating scale (how well did I stay in my seat?) Tally count (each time I raised my hand)

Resource: a paper tracking card or a simple note page; add smiley faces/stickers for younger kids. Homework C: Add a cue Use a timer, smartwatch, chime, or an adult signal (thumbs up). Start frequent (short intervals), then stretch it out gradually.

Resource: phone timer or classroom chime; choose a cue word (“focus check,” “chore check”). Homework D: Reinforce accuracy, not perfection When the cue goes off, compare adult rating + child rating. Reward matching ratings, even if the child marked “No, I wasn’t on track.”

Resource: a small, immediate reinforcer list (attention, short break, points, sticker, choice). Homework E: Baseline + graph (optional, powerful) Track the behaviour for 3–5 occasions across several days. Graph it so the child can see progress.

Resource: a simple bar chart on paper, or dots on a chart.

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Want to learn more about helping kids strengthen their emotion regulation skills and problem-solving brains while boosting their confidence, independence, and resilience? Check out my many training opportunities! https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/upcoming-events/