Show Notes
Why does silence feel so uncomfortable in relationships? In this episode of Codependency Alchemy, I explore the hidden reason many of us rush to fill the space when our partner gets quiet, withdrawn, or dysregulated. In this episode, we explore: - Why silence feels triggering - The urge to seek reassurance - External vs. internal processors - How space creates deeper connection - Emotional regulation in relationships - Why trying to control someone else’s emotions creates more conflict Your invitation... Take a moment to ask yourself this shadow work prompt and share in the comments: If you don’t fill the space… what are you afraid will happen? Notice what comes up for you. Take time to actually write it out (or type it out)… even if you don’t hit post, the act of writing it out offers you a type of healing and witnessing that thinking it can’t give you. And if you’re wanting a space to practice this kind of reflection in real time alongside others who are also learning how to soften, receive, and build more secure relationships, you’re always invited into the Codependency Alchemy membership on Substack. It’s a space for shadow work, inner child practices, and honest conversations like this one… where you don’t have to do it alone. You can click here to join as a free subscriber or upgrade your subscription to explore the membership for deeper support.
This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit alyssaaazander.substack.com/subscribe
More from Codependency Alchemy: The Podcast
Why do we sometimes get emotionally attached to someone so quickly? In this throwback episode, we’re going underneath anxious attachment to explore what you might actually be attaching to when someone starts to feel impossible to lose. We’ll talk about why someone pulling away can trigger the urge to chase, fix, or overgive, the questions that can help you uncover what’s underneath your attachment, and how to begin tending to yourself when the fear of losing them takes over. Ready to finally learn how to build a safe and secure relationship alongside a community of 500 others doing this inner work together every week? Click here and join the Codependency Alchemy membership!
This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit alyssaaazander.substack.com
Have you ever looked back at the way you acted in a relationship and thought… oh my god, was I the toxic one? In this throwback episode, I’m sharing one of the most vulnerable stories I’ve ever told on the podcast: the situationship that exposed some of my deepest patterns around anxious attachment, codependency, overgiving, fear of abandonment, and trying to control connection. We’re talking about what happened when someone else’s attention became responsible for how I felt about myself, the things I thought were “love” that were actually being driven by anxiety, and how this relationship ultimately became one of the greatest mirrors of my life. Click here to learn more or join our Codependency Alchemy community on Substack.
This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit alyssaaazander.substack.com
Are you really good at taking care of everyone else... but wildly uncomfortable when someone tries to take care of you? In this episode, I'm sharing what happened when Justin told me, “I'm going to take care of you,” and instead of simply feeling loved, it brought up fears around dependence, losing my freedom, being a burden, and eventually being resented. We talk about hyper-independence, overfunctioning, the need to be needed, and what it can look like to stop carrying everything yourself and let the people who love you actually support you. This episode is for you if… * You’re the person everyone describes as strong. * You rarely ask for help because you can probably just do it yourself. * You deeply want to feel supported in your relationships but notice yourself becoming uncomfortable when someone actually steps in. * You worry about being needy, dependent, or a burden. Or you’ve ever thought: If I need too much from someone, eventually they might resent me for it. Your invitation… Take a moment to write the following shadow work prompt in the comments: “If I let someone take care of me, then…” (what am I afraid will happen?) Notice what comes to mind, and write it out. And if you want to go another layer deeper: If that happened, what would I make it mean about me? You don’t have to share what you write if you don’t want to, but I would love for you to at least give yourself the opportunity to witness what’s there by writing it for yourself. If you want support practicing this in real time, the Codependency Alchemy membership is where we go deeper through live Shadow Work + Inner Child Healing sessions, monthly AMAs, community support, and our full library of guided practices that will help you learn how to build safe and secure relationships. → Click here to learn more and subscribe on Substack