Show Notes
This is for complicated relationships with complicated boundaries, for example when you are stuck in a relationship you dislike, or you are dating but have gone through a life shift, so you fear choosing the wrong person. The reason I chose this topic is often when we are not fully activating our boundaries around the concepts of what we want and what rewards us, we allow a situation or another person to decide our future, for us. So something external will push us into a long-term situation that we never actively wanted or designed. When we are not fully solved as individuals, we may not know why we are not happy, what is not sitting right, and whether or not that’s “valid” for us to feel what we feel. In other words – there is a vagueness to our own feelings and we question ourselves, which keeps us more stuck in a situation.
We may be emotionally ambivalent or have opposite feelings in a relationship, like dating when you are a single parent: any new relationship might bring up opposing priorities that need to be defined for a first time. Although the situations I discuss are very different, walking into them with awareness of how you feel and simply giving yourself an opportunity to process feelings can be incredibly helpful and enlightening. Heads up there are TONS of journaling prompts in this one!
Support our sponsors:
Gabb: gabb.com/helpmebme - for the best deals sign up today, no contract required.
BetterHelp: betterhelp.com/helpmebeme to get 10% off your first month
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
More from Help Me Be Me
When we are feeling seated in our own value and worth, we can be guided by our highest hopes for ourselves. This is about navigating from a constant place of course-correction toward our “highest compass” which I am loosely defining as that awareness we have when we first wake up in the morning. This has tools for navigating relationships that are formed on codependent terms: growing out of trigger-based loops. It is also about overcoming the self who is energetically depleted and reacts from a place of lack. We can always choose higher if we can recall our higher goals and use tools to jump the train tracks toward that higher goal. Sending love!
Yes, you think you can, but should you? If you are a “doer” who tends to do lots for everyone else, there is likely a part of you that is stuck in that position. It’s one that feels bound by duty and the expectations of others, yet it’s conditioned and created by us. But it almost feels as if we don’t have a choice. If you’re feeling overworked and threadbare, the first step is to recognize that you are living at the cost of yourself versus designing life based on the truth of who you are. This is a small lens shift. I think a lot of people live from a state of urgency and must – I must do it all, I cannot say no. This condition is sometimes referred to as “too perfect parenting” or being “high functioning" or "type A." For a recovering codependent, there’s an almost invisible line between being productive and being dysfunctional. I think the key question to ask yourself is “is it still working?” Sometimes in life– it is working. Sometimes it is too much and we need to take a step back to reassess.
The hardest thing to do is be guided by the highest self versus the weakest, triggered self. The weakest self wants a fix: wants to self-soothe in the face of a low feeling. When we can create a strong routine and a safe container, we can be guided by our highest, wisest self and we will witness our life be guided by what we actually want.
Your attention is your superpower means that whatever you give attention to will grow. That is the simple takeaway I want to give you with this episode. The most powerful force in your life is your attention: what you focus on, what you grow with your focus, and what you move past with deliberate soothing very much dictates what the dominant trajectory is in your life. You can alter every situation with what you intend: it’s what creates outcomes in your relationships, and in the way you choose to view the world. This is an episode inspired by a training I recently attended about enhancing intuition and being able to channel yourself toward your highest self. What it boils down to is not being driven by fear and shadow: remembering to lead from the good and trust that you can act from this place and let the doubt go. Sending much love! Support this week’s sponsors:
This episode is for creating emotional relief and soothing. I have tools for healing unhealthy loops, tools for giving yourself kindness and calm, and clearing your energy in the moment something old arises. I am pretty excited about this episode because it’s something I have been practicing myself frequently and I think it’s pretty magical. It’s about giving your brain external feedback to alter the hold of runhealthy energy. I think one thing that people often underestimate is visual feedback: how your space being clear and open translates directly to how calm you feel, for example. I have some visual practices that I will describe but if it helps you can also watch this on YouTube.