DA458 | FROM THE VAULT: Motorboat Dads vs. Sailboat Dads, Your Family Is Getting Your Leftovers, and the Helium Yoke (Matt Fogle)
DadAwesomeShow Notes
Most dads are living with a motorboat mentality, gripping the throttle and telling God how fast and in what direction the family should go. In this conversation from the vault, recorded on a hike in Arizona, Matt Fogle invites you to hoist your sails instead and learn the unforced rhythms of grace that Jesus offers to tired and burned out fathers. You will hear how a Quaker practice called a clearness committee helped his family discern a cross country move, why lazy dad games and unhurried evenings shape your kids more than ambitious Bible plans, and why you cannot pour living water into your kids while you are parched.
Key Takeaways Jesus describes his own heart as gentle and humble, and dads are invited to carry that same posture toward their kids. It does not have to go my way, and God, not me, is the primary agent of my child's spiritual formation. You can live with a motorboat mentality, controlling the speed and direction of your family, or you can hoist your sails every day and let the Spirit of God set the pace. Sailing is slower, but it keeps you awake to what God is doing. Big decisions are best discerned slowly: a monthly day alone with God, months of prayer with your spouse, and a handful of friends with no stake in the outcome asking hard questions until it seems good to us and to the Holy Spirit. The smallest things take up the most room in a child's heart. Phone free dinners, lazy dad games, laying out clothes the night before, and acting out Bible stories will shape your kids more than a heavy program you cannot sustain. If you want your kids to overflow with life, you have to be connected to living water yourself. That means saying no to good things like late night Netflix and extra shifts so God's bigger yes has room in your life. GUEST Matt Fogle is a pastor, spiritual director, and companion to leaders navigating the demands of life and ministry. He grew up as a wild middle child in rural Illinois. He and his wife, Jen, have four kids. With over two decades of experience and three master's degrees, in Organizational Leadership, Spiritual Formation, and Missional Theology, Matt serves with ministries including Harbor Ministries and is passionate about helping leaders create space to slow down, listen deeply, and notice God's presence in the ordinary and often overlooked moments of leadership.
Key Quotes "Maybe God is the primary agent of my kids' spiritual formation, not me. And so it's my job to ask good questions and listen and be patient along the journey." (Matt Fogle) "Are we hoisting up our sails every day and saying, God, however you want to blow into my sails, however you want to blow into their sails, help me to be a good, nonanxious, cooperative friend?" (Matt Fogle) "We put these heavy things on ourselves that God is not laying on us at all. And we put pressure where there doesn't need to be pressure." (Matt Fogle) "Nothing is more important than being fully present with you right now." (Matt Fogle) "If you want your kids to overflow with life, you've got to be connected to living water. And you are parched." (Matt Fogle)
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Harbor Ministries (Matt Fogle): https://harborministries.com/
Parker Palmer on the Clearness Committee (short video): https://vimeo.com/139027540
Imaginative Prayer: A Yearlong Guide for Your Child's Spiritual Formation by Jare
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