Show Notes
Welcome to part THREE of the Jean-Claude Van Damme marathon! This week, four roundhouse-loving maniacs dive into a triple feature so stacked it could only be held together with sweat and slow-motion spin kicks while it fights to resist spontaneously combusting from a denim overload and sheer gluteal power! 👊 Lionheart (1990) – Directed by Sheldon Lettich, writtenpartially by JCVD’s ego. Starring Jean-Claude Van Damme as Leon “Lionheart” Gaultier, a French Foreign Legionnaire who quits his job as a desert soldier and becomes a full-time underground fight club God in mom jeans. This movie has it all: dudes fighting in racquetball courts, dudes fighting in slacks, dudes fighting in turtlenecks, the world’s most enthusiastic hype man, and a slow clap ending so powerful it might restore your faith in cinema. 🔊 Quote of the day: "You've got a big heart, Lionheart." (Said no fewer than 137 times) 👊 Death Warrant (1990) – Directed by Deran Sarafian, writtenby baby David S. Goyer before he sold his soul to Batman. Van Damme plays Louis Burke, a French-Canadian cop sent undercover in a prison so corrupt it makes Shawshank look like a Marriott. Highlights include: •A shirtless flying kick into fire (naturally) •JCVD roundhouse kicking someone within 60 seconds of arriving at jail •A weird-ass conjugal visit seduction scene •A flaming roundhouse kick so HARD that it would make Steven Seagal cry in his caftan 👊 Nowhere to Run (1993) – Directed by Robert Harmon (TheHitcher, now THIS)Starring Jean-Claude “The Sexiest Cryptid West of the Mississippi” Van Damme, Rosanna Arquette, and a baby Kieran Culkin (now an Oscar winner). This was supposed to be a gentle drama called Pals… and instead we got "What if JCVD was a shirtless farm god with a heart of gold and ass of steel?" Highlights: •JCVD living in a tent with no food, just porn and vengeance •A chase scene on a motorcycle so good it distracted us from the emotionally scarring skinny dip •More ass shots than plot points •And the greatest dude-fight ever put on film, complete with shotgun blasts, shirt-ripping, and strategic jumps into the line of fire for no reason 💥BONUS MADNESS: •Philosophical debates on whether anyone is truly “enough strong to be jail” •Conspiracy theories about JCVD’s contractually obligated butt shots •Letterboxd lists for “Most Dude Fights,” “JCVD Gets Blinded Again,” and “Movies Where JCVD Shows His Ass (As a Treat)” •An emotional tribute to high-waisted jeans and the men bold enough to wear them So slap on your tightest jeans, flex those glutes, and hit play—because this episode is pure roundhouse chaos from start to finish. CREEP-O-RAMA is: Store:CREEP-O-RAMA YouTube:@creep-o-rama Josh:@joshblevesque Artwork: @bargainbinblasphemy Theme: @imfigure Audio:@stranjlove
More from The CREEP-O-RAMA Podcast
We return this week with a special episode featuring Theo Rossi (Come with Me, Bruton, Sons of Anarchy), who sat down with us for an absurdly unhinged conversation about horror movies, practical effects, childhood nightmares, and movies that permanently damage your ability to sleep throughthe night. A Staten Island native, Rossi brought his own history with horror into the conversation, with discussing growing up in the 1980s seeing films like The Howling, The Omen, being terrified by A Nightmare on Elm Street, and the completely rational childhood decision to put a giant Freddy Krueger poster above his bed as a form of psychological warfare against his own nightmares. Naturally, it didn’t go as planned. We celebrate our love of what makes horror scary, comparing supernatural monsters and traditional slashers with the more realistic, cerebral terror of The Strangers, Vacancy, and The Poughkeepsie Tapes, along with why Achilles tendon injuries might just be the most skin crawling thing in horror. It wouldn’t be a CREEP-O-RAMA episode without random tangents, either. From discussing the upcoming AI meets Mad Max apocalypse, Antarctica, aliens, and why the correct survival strategy for the end of civilization is to equip the appropriate boots, this episode’s got em’. Join us as we gush blood over our favorite horror tropes, VHS nostalgia, and a childhood filled with monsters come to life. CREEP-O-RAMA is: Store: CREEP-O-RAMA YouTube: @creep-o-rama Josh: @joshblevesque Artwork: @bargainbinblasphemy Theme: @imfigure Audio: @stranjlove
Gotham needs therapy, Batman needs a concussion protocol, and we're apparently the idiots qualified to diagnose both. This week the CREEP-O-RAMA crew throws themselves headfirst into Christopher Nolan's The Dark Knight Rises (2012) before descending into the rain-soaked crime-noir nightmare of Matt Reeves' The Batman (2022), proving once again that three movie nerds with microphones are significantly more dangerous than The Riddler with a carpet tucker. First up, Christian Bale's Batman spends half the episode accidentally giving Gotham's criminal population lifelong CTE because, remember kids... "NO GUNS." Why shoot a criminal when you can instead launch him face-first into a brick wall at Mach 3 and financially assassinate him with six-figure hospital bills? Meanwhile, Tom Hardy's Bane delivers dialogue so unbelievably poetic that we become convinced he spends every evening alone in a subway bathroom rehearsing villain monologues in the mirror. "You merely adopted the dark..." wasn't improvised—that man practiced it 4,000 times while his henchmen awkwardly waited outside wondering why taking over Gotham was behind schedule. Then it's time for Matt Reeves' The Batman, starring Robert Pattinson, Zoë Kravitz, Paul Dano, Jeffrey Wright, Andy Serkis,and Colin Farrell, where we ask the truly important questions: Is this a Batman movie? Is it Se7en with bat ears? Is it Zodiac wearing combat boots? Why does Batman introduce himself as "I'm Vengeance" ONE. TIME and the entire city knows about it? We also investigate Batman's astonishing ability to contaminate every crime scene with gloves containing approximately forty seven different criminals' DNA, debate why Gordon thought plugging an anonymous USB drive into a work computer was a solid cybersecurity strategy, question whether Paul Dano's Riddler spent more time solving riddles or fighting with duct tape that folded over on itself and argue over whether that wingsuit was actually a good idea. We’re still undecided on that one. By the end of the episode, we’ve somehow transformed two Batman films into discussions about municipal infrastructure, sports franchises, workplace IT violations, and catastrophic healthcare debt. It’s movie criticism. It’s forensic analysis. It’s us adoringsome of our favorite characters of all time. CREEP-O-RAMA is: Store: CREEP-O-RAMA YouTube: @creep-o-rama Josh: @joshblevesque Artwork: @bargainbinblasphemy Theme: @imfigure Audio: @stranjlove
Holy Aerosol Spray, Batman! Gotham’s on drugs! This week we're diving into Batman Begins (2005) and The Dark Knight (2008), both directed by Christopher Nolan, and what starts as a straightforward celebration of two of the greatest superhero movies ever made ends up going places we may or may not have wanted to go. Thanks, Jonathan. We start by praising Batman Begins but the convo quickly spirals faster than Gotham’s insurance premiums. We celebrate Cillian Murphy's Scarecrow for committing city-wide chemical warfare before casually going back to selling drugs like the most overqualified pharmacist in comic book history. Seriously. Imagine turning an entire city into a nightmare hallucination... and then showing back up six months later like: "Hey guys... anybody need drugs?" AND PEOPLE BUY THEM. We harp on why Wayne Enterprises invested millions into developing a wrist-mounted Van Opener™, memory-cloth capes, and sonar surveillance technology instead of, you know... starting with functioning neck mobility. Somewhere in Gotham, Lucius Fox is trying to cure cancer while Bruce Wayne keeps asking if his grappling hook can also be used as a can opener. Then we arrive at The Dark Knight, where Heath Ledger's Joker once again reminds us that he isn't just one of the greatest comic book villains ever put on film—he's a sleep paralysis demon that somehow learned improv comedy. We refuse to believe Joker's bank robbery happened without seventeen planning meetings, four whiteboards, three Google Calendars, a shared Dropbox folder, and at least one henchman getting yelled at because the shipment of bazooka’s weren’t delivered before lunch. There had to be a clown accountant. There HAD to be. Elsewhere we celebrate Mark Hamill's legendary Joker, Jack Nicholson, discuss Barry Keoghan, not-so-politely acknowledge Jared Leto's... attempt... gush over Batman: The Animated Series, the Harley Quinn animated series, question Gothamites incredible inability to recognize billionaires wearing armor, and wonder how on earth did Batman get in that interrogation room. Where does he get those wonderful toys, indeed. CREEP-O-RAMA is: Store: CREEP-O-RAMA YouTube: @creep-o-rama Josh: @joshblevesque Artwork: @bargainbinblasphemy Theme: @imfigure Audio: @stranjlove
Our crime fighting trio voluntarily hurls themselves into Joel Schumacher's radioactive fever dream this week by revisiting Batman Forever (1995) and Batman & Robin (1997), where every streetlight is apparently a blacklight, every criminal belongs to a themed fashion gang, and Val Kilmer is unanimously crowned the hottest Batman to ever brood beneath a cowl. Sorry, George. The gang breaks down why Kilmer somehow nails both Bruce Wayne and Batman, why Clooney spends most of Batman & Robin sounding like he's reading cue cards held hostage just off camera, and why Arnold Schwarzenegger's Mr. Freeze deserves either an Oscar or a lifetime ban from speaking in public. Somewhere between ice pun #47 and ice pun #72, the conversation evolves into the realization that Batman could have ended the movie 15 different times if he'd simply thrown literally anything at Mr. Freeze instead of politely waiting for him to finish his stand-up routine. Of course, no Schumacher discussion would be completewithout celebrating Jim Carrey's beautifully deranged Riddler, Tommy Lee Jones' aggressively theatrical Two-Face, Gotham's inexplicably fabulous glow-stick street gangs, and the discovery that every supervillain in the city must share the same criminal seamstress. Seriously... who keeps making these immaculatecustom henchman uniforms? Is there a union? Is there a rewards program? Does Riddler get 15% off after ordering matching jackets? We demand answers. Along the way, we ask Gotham’s most important questions: Why is Riddler Island covered in giant glowing questionmarks if nobody is supposed to know where the Riddler lives? Why does every gang member look like they just got kicked out of a goth laser tag tournament? And perhaps the greatest mystery in comic book history... who approved all those bat nipples? Come for the Batman discussions, stay for the cinematic nonsense that somehow just keeps getting better. CREEP-O-RAMA is: Store: CREEP-O-RAMA YouTube: @creep-o-rama Josh: @joshblevesque Artwork: @bargainbinblasphemy Theme: @imfigure Audio: @stranjlove
This week, the CREEP-O-RAMA crew dives face-first into Tim Burton's Batman (1989) and Batman Returns (1992), and what begins as a thoughtful retrospective immediately crashes through the roof of Wayne Manor like the Batwing after somebody gave Bruce four Red Bulls and a head injury. We celebrate Michael Keaton's legendary Batman, Jack Nicholson's gloriously deranged Joker, Danny DeVito's sewer-goblin Penguin, and Michelle Pfeiffer's absolutely untouchable Catwoman while asking the questions Warner Bros. cowards were too afraid to answer: Who was strapping military-grade rocket launchers onto penguins? Alfred? Did Gotham's OSHA office simply burst into flames before construction began? Why is there an abandoned Arctic theme park hidden beneathGotham City, and why did literally nobody notice it? Why does Batman own enough surveillance equipment to make the NSA blush but still can't turn his own neck? Why is every vat of acid sitting completely uncovered like it's complimentary office coffee? We spiral into increasingly unhinged theories about Catwomanactually being a zombie resurrected by emotionally supportive alley cats, Bruce Wayne secretly importing six cases of champagne from Japan just because he's rich enough to be legally confusing, and Batman patiently sitting alone in thedark for hours waiting for Commissioner Gordon to finally flip on the Bat-Signal like a Labrador waiting for someone to throw the tennis ball. Along the way we compare Burton's gothic masterpiece tolater takes from Christopher Nolan and Matt Reeves, argue over Joker's ever-changing origin story, defend the comic-book insanity of Burton's universe, declare that the rocket-pack penguins somehow feature better underwater cinematography than Jaws 3-D (1983), and accidentally spend an alarming amount of time debating Batman's nipples, rubber cowl strength modifiers, VHS surveillance technology, and whether Gotham's building inspectors were simply paid in riddles. Look. It’s Batman, We’re GOING to passionately overanalyzetwo of our favorite films until the conversation evolves into Alfred operating a black-market military contractor ring out of Wayne Manor. It’s inevitable. CREEP-O-RAMA is: Store: CREEP-O-RAMA YouTube: @creep-o-rama Josh: @joshblevesque Artwork: @bargainbinblasphemy Theme: @imfigure Audio: @stranjlove