Show Notes
Jenny Bates Heaton is the founder of Bates Leadership and has a brilliant new TEDx talk. What really blew me away during our chat was how Jenny used her personal journey facing a massive medical decision after a cancer-risk mutation diagnosis to completely rewrite the script on how we make choices. It got me thinking about my own life and how often we make decisions based on what we think we should do, rather than what aligns with our deepest values. For me, everything comes back to fairness, justice, and a whole lot of strength. When things feel off-balance in the world, my mental health definitely takes a hit with serious anxiety, but anchoring into those core values is what keeps me grounded. Jenny's framework isn't just a clinical exercise. It's a warm, slightly humorous, and deeply practical guide to finding your own word—whether that's power, strong, or serenity—and letting it do the guiding when life is A LOT. Key Themes From the Conversation The Power of Personal Reflection Prompts: True decision-making frameworks cannot be imported from someone else. Decisions must be organically mined from an individual's unique motivations and joys. "I started circulating my questions to everyone, and I didn't really get any reaction from people. because they weren't their questions. They didn't focus on their values. Now, I guide people through exercises to pull out their word to guide their decisions." — Jenny Bates Heaton
The Intersection of Imposed Limitations and Good Intentions: Well-meaning colleagues often inadvertently sideline individuals, particularly from historically marginalized groups, by assuming their needs or limitations rather than asking them directly. "People with the best of intentions trying to protect me said, 'Oh gosh, I know you're going through a lot so let's catch up in a couple of months.' I had to advocate for myself quite a bit to convince them like, 'No, no, I'm good.'" — Jenny Bates Heaton
Shifting toward Employee-Led Talent Management: Organizations must move away from paternalistic, closed-door succession and promotion processes and actively integrate the employee's voice to reduce systemic bias. "Think about how many times you don't have the employee's voice in the room for talent review and for promotions. Most companies do not allow an employee to put their name in the box for the roles that they would like to apply for. That's weird." — Jenny Bates Heaton
Embracing the "Good Day, Bad Day" Culture: Cultivating psychological safety in a corporate system requires acknowledging that organizations, like people, will have off days without those mistakes defining their permanent identity. "The good day, bad day is one of my favorite exercises because it gives you permission to talk about the bad because it's just a day. It doesn't mean that you're always going to be bad, everyone has a bad day. Corporate culture personas are very much that way with good days and bad days just like humans." — Jenny Bates Heaton
Actionable Takeaway Audit your favorite activities to find your decision-making anchor. Take a notebook and write down one or two hobbies you love to do consistently (like gardening, skiing, or reading). Ask yourself: What is the underlying feeling or motivation that compels me to keep doing this? Distill that feeling into a single core word—such as strength, control, or connectedness—and actively use that word as a litmus test for the next major professional or personal decision you have to make. Connect with Jenny at https://www.batesleadership.com/
More from Allyship in Action
If you have ever caught yourself second-guessing how you navigate a delicate conversation around race at work, trust me, you are not alone. This week, I had the absolute joy of sitting down with the brilliant Dr. Evelyn Carter, social psychologist and author of Was That Racist? We geeked out over the fascinating science of human behavior, laughed about our shared moments of awkwardness, and got real about why true inclusion requires us to drop the polished corporate scripts. Dr. Carter brings a refreshing blend of research-backed clarity and vivid personal storytelling that makes you feel both deeply challenged and surprisingly hopeful. We talked about how bias sneaks into our everyday micro-behaviors, why the traditional business case for diversity falls flat, and how we can empower the next generation to stand firm in their values. Unconscious Bias Leaks Into Physical and Social Spaces. Even when we do not consciously endorse biased beliefs, implicit social cognition leaks into our non-verbal behavior, influencing how we interact with others and navigate shared spaces. "Those feelings of disgust, those feelings of wariness come through in the way that we decide what we want to physically keep close to us or not. We often opt for comfort over discomfort."
By the time the fourth quarter rolls around, most of us in leadership are running on coffee, sheer willpower, and a quiet prayer that our calendars don't spontaneously combust. We rush to cross off every single goal set in January, regardless of whether our teams actually have the bandwidth left to carry it. In my latest chat with the incredible Dr. Jolander Headley, we unpacked why this year-end frenzy is a recipe for disaster and how we can lead with a lot more intention and a lot less chaotic exhaustion. We laughed about our own high-octane DISC profiles, because it turns out two driven, influential leaders in one room can produce some serious sparks, but the core message was clear: if you want to retain your best talent and build a workplace that actually lasts, you have to lead yourself first. That means taking a deep breath, dropping the perfectionism, and asking ourselves what truly matters before we ask our people to do one more thing. Key Themes Prioritization Starts with Self-Awareness: True alignment begins when leaders drop the denial and look inward to understand how their own behavior and blind spots impact the rest of the team. "You cannot improve what you refuse to acknowledge... If you can't lead yourself well, it's challenging to lead others well. So you want to lead yourself well. Start with self-awareness." Retention Decisions Are Made in Q4: The end of the year creates heightened anxiety and prompts employees to evaluate their career trajectories, making it critical for managers to reassess workloads rather than pushing teams to the breaking point. "As quarter four approaches, retention risks can increase. This is a time that leaders push their teams to accomplish every remaining annual goal that had been established, regardless of capacity, forcing burnout." Shift to Sustainable Performance Over Burnout Culture: Building an enduring organization requires sustainable leaders who create proactive burnout prevention models and focus on intrinsic motivators like autonomy and personal growth. "Employees will increasingly expect their organization to demonstrate that high performance can be maintained without chaotic exhaustion. We cannot build sustainable organizations without developing sustainable leaders." Prioritization Activities to Do with Your Team: Managers need to create space for intentional recalibration, such as evaluating team bandwidth, throwing "stay celebrations" to recognize current value, and carrying non-critical tasks into the next year. "The idea of a stay party is that you're giving the flowers while they're still there. Eelebrating the progress of the organization without being complacent." Actionable Takeaway for Listeners: Set aside 60 minutes this week for a Q4 Priority & Capacity Audit with your team: review every remaining annual goal together, identify who is quietly becoming the go-to person for everything, and explicitly choose at least one low-impact project to pause or carry over into the new year. Follow Dr. Jolander Headley at https://jolanderheadley.com/
Every now and then, a book comes along that completely stops me in my tracks. My conversation with Dr. Corinne Low—Wharton professor, economist, and author of Having It All—was one of those instances where data validated everything so many of us feel daily. I loved blending storytelling with hard research as we unpacked why so many high-achieving working parents feel so exhausted. As a working mom myself, hearing the data prove that working mothers today spend more time with their children than stay-at-home mothers did a generation ago was a massive aha moment. We realized the progress made for women in the workplace hasn't been matched by a revolution for men at home, leaving us playing with half a deck of cards. Together, we explored how shifting our workplace norms, setting clear boundaries, and reimagining partnership roles can build a system that actually works for everyone. Key Themes Why the Workplace Is Not Working for All Genders. The traditional workplace model was built around an outdated era where employees relied on a stay-at-home partner to manage home life. While women have made huge strides entering the corporate world, men haven't experienced a parallel revolution at home, leaving working women disproportionately burdened by domestic labor. "We had a gender revolution for women, and we did not have a gender revolution for men. We are showing up as equals in the workforce, but men are not showing up as equals at home."
Scott Curran is a social impact lawyer, advisor, and educator who spent ten years in the All-Star game of global philanthropy at the Clinton Foundation . When I sit back and look at the wacky headlines and persistent headwinds in our world right now, it can be really easy to throw up our hands . But Scott brings us right back to the science: human beings are naturally wired for good, and our brain chemistry practically throws a party of dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, and endorphins whenever we do something kind or even just watch someone else do it ! Scott candidly shares how a middle-of-the-night couch conversation with his wife turned into a mission to give away a decade's worth of hard-earned tools to help leaders scale their impact . Purpose isn't just a fluffy concept. Purpose drives profits, sparks employee joy, and connects us to our shared humanity . Key Themes & Highlights Humans Are Science-Backed and Wired for Good. Human beings are fundamentally built for reciprocity and community care . Despite negative news cycles, basic brain chemistry releases feel-good neurochemicals whenever we give, receive, or observe acts of kindness .
Positive psychology researcher and author Michelle Gielan joins us to dive into two qualities I think about a lot: optimism and resilience. Early in my career, I used to think being optimistic meant slapping a smile on my face, grabbing a venti iced coffee, and pretending everything was fine, even when a project was burning down around me. (Spoiler alert: it doesn't work!) Real optimism isn't about ignoring the mess. As Michelle reminded me, it's about taking a realistic assessment of the present while holding onto the belief that our actions matter. We laughed about closet optimists, shared a few messy real-world stories, and unpacked how these mindsets work hand-in-hand to transform our workplaces. Here are the key themes from our conversation: Optimism vs. Resilience: Traditional optimism is the general expectation of good outcomes, whereas resilient optimism is grounded in deliberate behaviors that keep us hopeful when our plans face real-world testing. "Optimism is basically an expectation of good things to happen and resilient optimism is optimism that stays strong when it's tested."