How to Choose the Right Mediator for Your Divorce (Without Getting Played)
The Divorce Course PodcastShow Notes
🎧 Listen to This Episode If… You've been told you have to go to mediation and you don't know where to start
Your ex has already chosen a mediator and something feels off
You can't afford the expensive mediator your ex is pushing for
You're going through family violence and worried no mediator will take your matter
You don't know the difference between free mediation and private mediation
You want to know whether your mediator actually needs to be a lawyer
⚠️ Legal Disclaimer This podcast is general information only it is not legal advice. The content reflects Australian family law and may not apply to your specific situation or jurisdiction. Always consult a qualified family lawyer about your individual circumstances. Laws may have changed since this episode was recorded. 🛟 Family Violence Trigger Warning This episode discusses family violence and the challenges of mediating where there is a history of abuse, coercion, or control. If you or someone you know is in danger, call 000. For confidential support: 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732). Episode Summary You don't have to accept whichever mediator gets put in front of you. In this episode, Laura and Mum (family law accredited specialist Lynette Galvin) unpack one of the most under-discussed parts of separation how to actually choose a good mediator, and how to push back when the one your ex is suggesting doesn't feel right. They cover the difference between free mediation (Relationships Australia, Interrelate, CentreCare) and private mediation, when you need an FDRP (Family Dispute Resolution Practitioner) versus when you don't, and whether your mediator really needs to be a lawyer or a former judge. Mum shares the exact wording she uses in letters when the other side proposes a biased or unaffordable mediator including the "panel of three" approach that keeps the process fair. There's also an honest conversation about the gap in the system for people experiencing family violence, where mediators often refuse to take the matter on leaving survivors stuck heading to court when mediation could have solved the issue. Laura and Mum talk about what to look for in a mediator brave enough to handle high-conflict matters, and the practical safety steps (separate rooms, video links, safe exits) you can ask about. And there's the reminder you might need most: you hold the cards. You don't have to agree to anything in mediation just because you've been pushed to. You can pause, walk away, and come back when you're ready. ⏱️ Episode Timeline 00:00 – How to Choose a Mediator: Why It Matters More Than You Think 01:00 – Legal Disclaimer & Why Mum Is a Qualified Mediator 01:40 – Can the Mediator Make or Break Your Mediation? 02:30 – How Lawyers Choose Mediators (And Their "Bottom of the Barrel" List) 03:40 – Can You Speak to a Mediator Before Choosing? Why Mum Says No 04:20 – How to Use Google Reviews to Vet a Mediator 05:30 – What Qualifications a Mediator Should Have (FDRP Explained) 07:00 – Does Your Mediator Need to Be a Lawyer? Property vs Children 08:30 – Why Social Workers Often Make the Best Children's Mediators 09:30 – Mediation and Family Violence: The Gap in the System 12:20 – Can You Change Mediators Halfway Through? The Honest Answer 13:50 – Red Flags: Biased, Agenda-Driven and "In Cahoots" Mediators 16:00 – When the Mediator's Office Is Next Door to Your Ex's Lawyer 17:00 – How to Push Back Without Slandering the Mediator 18:30 – What to Do If Your Ex Picks an Expensive Mediator You Can't Afford 19:30 – Free Mediation Options: Relationships Australia, Interrelate, CentreCare 20:20 – How Much Does a Private Mediator Cost? ($5K–$6K Reality Check) 21:30 – Why Free Services Have Long Wait Lists (And When to Go Private) 22:30 – The "Panel of Three" Letter Strategy You Can Use Today 24:00 – Should You Pay More If Your Case Is Serious? 24:50 – Free Mediation Pros and Cons (And Why Parenting Plans Aren't Enforceable) 27:40 – Private Mediators: For
More from The Divorce Course Podcast
🎧 Listen to this episode if… - You dread every text from your ex and screenshot messages "just in case" - Your co-parent avoids, delays or denies every conversation that matters - You can't get a straight yes or no - You carry the mental load of every reminder, newsletter and schedule - You've been told to "document everything" and want it done automatically ⚠️ General information only not legal advice. Australian family law; always consult a qualified family lawyer about your circumstances. 🛟 This episode discusses family violence and coercive control. If you're in danger call 000. Support: 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732), Lifeline 13 11 14. unpack the co-parenting app that courts here actually trust. ⏱️ Episode Timeline 00:00 – Dreading Texts From Your Ex? Why You Need This Episode 01:00 – Meet Erin Green From OurFamilyWizard Australia 02:00 – Why Avoidant Co-Parents Stop Communicating 05:00 – The Amicable Trap: Becoming the Communication Manager 07:00 – What Is OurFamilyWizard? The Co-Parenting App Explained 08:00 – Uneditable, Encrypted Records vs Deleted Text Messages 10:00 – Calls Feature: Transcripts and Documented Call Activity 11:00 – Family Violence Orders: Calling Without Sharing Your Number 12:00 – The Shared Calendar and Change Requests Without Drama 15:00 – Expense Tracking: Invoices, Receipts and Proof for Court 17:00 – The Info Bank: Schools, Medications and Clothing Sizes 18:00 – Who Uses OurFamilyWizard (And When Courts Order It) 20:00 – Putting the App in Your Consent Orders 21:00 – Timestamped Messages: No Deleting, No Rewriting History 22:00 – Free Divorce Webinar With Laura & Lyn 23:00 – Court-Admissible PDFs and Professional Access 25:00 – The AI Writing Assistant That Flags Escalating Language 27:00 – Message Search + Safety for Survivors of Abuse 29:00 – Word Salad, Yes-or-No Requests and Coercive Control 31:00 – Check-Ins and Location Privacy After Family Violence 33:00 – A Tool, Not a Safety Plan: Tech Stalking Reminders 34:00 – What If Your Ex Refuses to Use a Co-Parenting App? 36:00 – Protection Orders, Mediation and Raising the App 37:00 – Fee Waivers for Family Violence and Financial Duress 38:00 – Defence Force Discount Explained 40:00 – OurFamilyWizard Cost: Essentials, Premium and Max 43:00 – Erin's Best Advice: Pause Before You Reply 44:00 – What to Embroider on a Cushion This Week 🎧 Episodes Mentioned Coercive Control and Your Kids – https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/coercive-control-and-your-kids-how-to-protect-your/id1503451022?i=1000777679728 Co-Parenting With a High Conflict, Narcissistic or Avoidant Ex – https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/co-parenting-how-to-successfully-do-it-even-with-a/id1503451022?i=1000559535573 Take the Divorce Personality Quiz – https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/take-the-divorce-personality-quiz-learn-why-your/id1503451022?i=1000748290587 Is Your Ex Watching You? Coercive Control Goes Digital – https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/is-your-ex-watching-you-coercive-control-goes-digital/id1503451022?i=1000758578403 Creating a Safety Plan Before You Need One – https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/from-fear-to-freedom-creating-a-safety-plan-before/id1503451022?i=1000741625311 Co-Parenting Without Court Orders – https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/co-parenting-without-court-orders-the-real-rules-and/id1503451022?i=1000735234386 🔗 Links & Resources OurFamilyWizard Australia – https://www.ourfamilywizard.com.au Fee waiver (via your lawyer, mediator or support professional): [email protected] Help using the app: [email protected] 📞 1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732 | Lifeline – 13 11 14 | 🚓 Police – 000 🌐 www.thedivorcecourse.com.au – free webinar: click "Reserve My Seat" 🎓 Blog: www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/blog
🎧 Listen if you… - Keep hearing "you're not getting more than 50/50" from your ex - Are stuck yelling percentages at each other and getting nowhere - Feel greedy asking for what's actually fair - Want your proposal backed by real law before mediation
🎧 Listen to this episode if… You have no idea what's happening with the kids this Christmas
🎧 Listen to this episode if… You've sent emails and heard nothing back for weeks The strategy has completely changed without a discussion The family violence you disclosed isn't even in your affidavit Your lawyer is great at invoices but not much else You're thinking about leaving your lawyer but don't know the steps ⚠️ Disclaimer: General information only, not legal advice. Based on Australian family law. Always get independent legal advice, and consider all aspects before deciding to leave your lawyer. 🛟 This episode discusses family violence and coercive control. If you're in danger call 000. Support: 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732). About this episode: Bad lawyer, bad fit – or a good lawyer having a bad month? Mum and I walk through what a good lawyer relationship looks like, reasonable response times, why strategies change (and when backpedaling is a red flag), what to do when your lawyer minimises family violence, how to question a bill without feeling horrible, the repair conversation to have before you leave, and the exact steps to change lawyers without leaving yourself in the lurch. You're the client – it's okay to ask questions. ⏱️ Timeline 00:00 – Warning Signs Your Divorce Lawyer Might Be the Problem 01:00 – Why Family Lawyers Are Hardworking (And Human) 02:00 – You're the Client: Permission to Ask Questions 04:00 – Legal Disclaimer and Family Violence Warning 05:00 – What a Good Lawyer Relationship Looks Like 06:00 – What Your Lawyer Should Explain Without Being Asked 07:00 – A Good First Meeting: Chronologies and Probing Questions 09:00 – Over-Promising Lawyers and the Polaroid Analogy 10:00 – How Long Should You Wait to Hear Back? 11:00 – Busy Lawyer vs Neglectful Lawyer 13:00 – Never Miss a Court Deadline 15:00 – Radio Silence? The Email to Send the Principal 16:00 – Will Complaining Make My Lawyer Hate Me? 17:00 – Trust and Full Disclosure 18:00 – The Dot-Point Chronology Trick 19:00 – Illegal Activity and Legal Professional Privilege 21:00 – Section 128 Certificates 22:00 – Affairs, New Partners and Why Lawyers Don't Judge 23:00 – Strategy Changes and Backpedaling 27:00 – Defensive Lawyers and Letters of Advice 28:00 – When Lawyers Gatekeep Family Violence 29:00 – Section 43: Safety Over Everything 30:00 – The 2024 Reforms: Is Your Lawyer Up to Date? 34:00 – What a Normal Legal Bill Looks Like 35:00 – What You Can Question in a Bill 38:00 – The Repair Conversation 39:00 – Meeting the Principal and Testing Their Reaction 41:00 – Project Managing Your Case 43:00 – Leaving Your Lawyer: Pause the File, Check Timing 44:00 – Find Your New Lawyer First 45:00 – Outstanding Bills and Court Portal Access 46:00 – Rapid Fire: Second Opinions and Support People 48:00 – Step In, Step Out 49:00 – Is It Though? Why Questioning Is Everything 🎧 Episodes mentioned: Legal Gatekeeping: Is Your Lawyer Telling Your Full Story? → https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/legal-gatekeeping-is-your-lawyer-telling-your-full-story/id1503451022?i=1000666744026 Choosing a Family Lawyer – The Red Flags Not to Ignore → https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/choosing-a-family-lawyer-the-red-flags-not-to-ignore/id1503451022?i=1000555058558 Take the Divorce Personality Quiz → https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/take-the-divorce-personality-quiz-learn-why-your/id1503451022?i=1000748290587 Decoding Divorce Word Salad Legal Letters → https://open.spotify.com/episode/4qiOSiGK9yOrt0lEdqCudQ 📞 1800 RESPECT — 1800 737 732 | Lifeline — 13 11 14 | Police — 000 🌐 www.thedivorcecourse.com.au – free checklists + DIY Divorce Blueprint If this helped you work out whether your lawyer is the right fit, please subscribe, like and share so others can find it too. All our best, Laura & Lyn – Your Guides By Your Side
🎧 Listen to this episode if… Your ex is rewriting your shared history in lawyer's letters or affidavits Money is disappearing before your property settlement You suspect secret super, hidden cash, or crypto Your ex has turned your family or your own accountant against you The person who hurt you is now playing the victim You want to know these patterns are predictable and you're not alone You suspect your ex is a narc ⚠️ Disclaimer: General information only, not legal advice. Based on Australian family law. Originally recorded in 2021 – laws may have changed. Always get independent legal advice. 🛟 This episode discusses family violence and coercive control. If you're in danger call 000. Support: 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732) | Lifeline 13 11 14. About this episode: From the vault over 300 episodes back to one of the very first and most requested episodes we ever recorded. Mum draws on 35+ years in family law to open up The Narcissist Playbook: the 10 patterns she sees again and again with controlling and manipulative exes in divorce. If the playbook existed, it would have two chapters "I only care about me" and "I tell lies." Once you can see the patterns, you can see the next move coming. ⏱️ Timeline 00:00 – From the Vault: Why We're Replaying The Narcissist Playbook 01:00 – Family Violence Warning & Disclaimer 02:00 – The Two Rules of the Narcissist Playbook 04:00 – Pattern 1: They Rewrite History 07:00 – How to Prove the Lies: Photos, Receipts, Credibility 09:00 – Pattern 2: Spending Money Before Property Settlement 10:00 – Add-Backs: How Wasted Money Gets Counted 11:00 – Pattern 3: Secret Super, Bank Accounts and Hidden Cash 12:00 – Crypto and Digital Wallets 13:00 – Positive Credit Card Balances and Gambling Accounts 14:00 – Pattern 4: Undermining You With Family and Kids 16:00 – Building Your Support Group 17:00 – Pattern 5: Playing the Victim and DV Cross-Applications 18:00 – Keeping a Diary of Coercive Control 21:00 – Pattern 6: Parent of the Year Transformation 22:00 – Toys, Trips and Trash Talk: The Cost to Kids 24:00 – Genuine Change vs Performance 25:00 – Pattern 7: They Re-Partner Almost at Once 26:00 – Recruiting the New Partner Into the Campaign 27:00 – When the New Partner Wakes Up: Witnesses and Subpoenas 28:00 – Pattern 8: Turning Joint Professionals Against You 30:00 – Get Your Own Accountant and Team 31:00 – Pattern 9: Claiming Credit for Your Contributions 33:00 – Why Judges See Through It 34:00 – Pattern 10: Reversing the Blame 35:00 – How Courts Catch the Lies 37:00 – New Court Rules: Responding to Their Affidavit 38:00 – The Ten Patterns Recapped 39:00 – Reviewer of the Month: Free 30-Minute Consult With Lyn 🎧 Episode mentioned: Finance and Financial Planners (with Pedro) 📞 1800 RESPECT — 1800 737 732 | Lifeline — 13 11 14 | Police — 000 🌐 www.thedivorcecourse.com.au – free resources + DIY Divorce Blueprint ✉️ Questions: [email protected] or DM @thedivorcecourse ⭐ Review the podcast each month for a chance to win a free 30-minute chat with Lyn If this episode helped you recognise the patterns and feel less alone, please subscribe, like and share so others can find it too. All our best, Laura & Lyn – Your Guides By Your Side