Healing Is Possible After Marriage Betrayal, with Matthew and Joanna Raabsmith – Episode 33

Summary Most of us can probably think of something we'd like to change in our marriage. Maybe we keep having the same argument, feel disconnected after years of focusing on work or the kids, or simply wish we had more fun together. But what if making our marriages better doesn't have to be as complicated as we sometimes think? In this episode, Shaunti and Jeff share the first three of six practical steps they've discovered through their research on highly happy marriages. They explore why we need to learn from couples who are doing marriage well, how small habits practiced consistently can make a surprisingly big difference, and why giving ourselves and our spouses grace is so important as we learn and grow. Along the way, they share fascinating findings about the power of verbal affirmation, why celebrating small wins matters, and how a simple shift in the way we view our marriage can change the way we approach challenges. The encouraging news? You don't have to overhaul your entire marriage overnight. Sometimes the biggest changes begin with one small thing you choose to do differently today—and then keep doing tomorrow. Chapters 00:00 Introduction: Small Changes That Can Improve Your Marriage 01:30 Step 1: Learn From Marriage Role Models 04:44 What Shaunti and Jeff Discovered Studying Happy Couples 06:55 The Surprising Power of Saying "Thank You" 09:24 Why We Need Real-Life Marriage Mentors 13:16 Step 2: Practice Small Habits Consistently 15:06 Why Little Things Matter More Than Grand Gestures 16:57 How Consistency Creates Lasting Change 19:22 The Power of Small Wins 21:52 Noticing and Affirming Your Spouse's Efforts 23:47 Step 3: Give Yourself and Your Spouse Grace 27:28 How Small Habits Can Change the Way You See Yourself 29:33 Shifting From an "Eject Button" to a Lifelong Mindset 32:36 Why Happy Couples Learn to Let Things Go 33:31 The Biggest Takeaway: Start With One Small Thing Resources The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages by Shaunti Feldhahn For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn For Men Only by Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn Invite Shaunti to Speak Would you like to explore having Shaunti speak at your next event? Whether you're planning a marriage event, women's gathering, retreat, or conference, we'd love to connect! Email [email protected] or visit shaunti.com/speaking to learn more. Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

If you’re a Christian parent, you’ve probably heard the discouraging statistic that most kids raised in the church will walk away from their faith after high school. But is that actually true?

AI has become part of everyday life for most of us. We use it to answer questions, solve problems, brainstorm ideas—and sometimes even help us navigate our relationships. But could all that interaction with AI be changing us in ways we don’t realize? In this episode, Shaunti and Jeff take a fascinating look at what can happen when we get used to an AI that is always affirming, always available, and always ready with an answer. Could that make us a little less patient when our spouse pushes back? Could it make us more likely to avoid hard conversations? Could it even change what we expect when we go to God for answers? They also talk about why the normal “friction” of real relationships is actually important, how to keep our relationship muscles from getting weak, and a few practical ways we can use AI wisely—while still choosing the patience, humility, honesty, and genuine affirmation that our real relationships need. AI isn’t going away—and it can be an incredibly useful tool. But as it becomes a bigger part of our everyday lives, we need to be intentional about making sure it helps us without quietly changing what we expect from the people we love—or from God. Resources Why I Told My Chatbot to Stop Kissing Up to Me: AI responses are often too agreeable, too enthusiastic and too dramatic. And it’s partially our fault. By Nicole Nguyen, Aug. 16, 2026 https://www.wsj.com/tech/ai/why-i-told-my-chatbot-to-stop-kissing-up-to-me-62cea3fa?st=qc45KP&reflink=desktopwebshare_permalink How to Make ChatGPT Challenge You More Open ChatGPT and click your profile icon. Go to Personalization. Under Base style and tone, choose Candid. This makes ChatGPT more direct and more likely to point out gaps, risks, and trade-offs. Still under Personalization, open Custom Instructions and make sure customization is turned on. Add an instruction like: “Don’t automatically agree with me or affirm my assumptions. Act as a thoughtful critical-thinking partner. If you think I’m overlooking something, tell me. Challenge weak reasoning, point out alternative explanations, and ask clarifying or probing questions when they would help me think more carefully. Prioritize accuracy and honesty over making me feel validated.” Save your changes. These preferences will then influence your conversations with ChatGPT, including existing chats.

Rebuilding trust after infidelity—or any serious betrayal—can feel impossible. How do you begin trusting someone again when that trust has been completely shattered? In this episode, Shaunti and Jeff sit down with longtime friends Mark and Jill Savage, authors, speakers, and marriage coaches who know this journey firsthand. They share the story of the affair that nearly ended their marriage, the moment everything began to change, and the long process of rebuilding what had been broken. Mark and Jill explain why trust isn't restored with one apology or promise to change. Instead, it comes back through consistent changed behavior over time—what they describe as rebuilding trust "one tablespoon at a time." They share practical examples of what honesty, transparency, accountability, and compassion looked like in their own recovery, as well as the role faith, humility, and grief played in their healing. For anyone facing infidelity or another serious breach of trust, this conversation offers practical steps for moving forward—and hope that even when a marriage feels beyond repair, the story may not be over yet. This Episode's Key Topics Mark and Jill Savage's personal story of infidelity and recovery The turning point that began the healing of their marriage Why rebuilding trust requires consistent changed behavior over time The "Trust Bathtub" and rebuilding trust one tablespoon at a time The importance of honesty, transparency, and proactive accountability Taking responsibility for betrayal without shifting blame The role of grief, humility, and faith in the healing process Hope for couples who feel like their marriage may be beyond repair Resources Mark and Jill Savage: markandjill.org No More Perfect Podcast: podcast.nomoreperfect.com Free Rebuilding Trust Guide: rebuildingtrust.us Connect with Mark and Jill Instagram: @jillsavage.author Facebook: @jillsavage.author Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

What if love isn’t primarily something you feel—or something you have to wait for—but something you can choose? In this episode of I Wish You Could Hear This, Shaunti and Jeff sit down with pastor, author, and Bible teacher Chip Ingram to talk about his book I Choose Love and a radically practical way to understand biblical love. Chip explains the difference between the feelings we associate with love and the agape love modeled by Jesus: a willful, sacrificial choice to put another person’s needs ahead of our own. And that matters whether we’re dealing with tension in a marriage, a difficult family relationship, division in the church, or someone whose views are completely different from ours. Chip also gets personal, sharing how this understanding of love helped transform a deeply difficult season in his own marriage. The breakthrough came when he stopped focusing on how his wife needed to change and started asking what he could do differently. As Chip puts it, you can’t control another person—but you can change your part of the relationship. You’ll also hear why loving action sometimes has to come before loving feelings, why humility and servanthood are so important, and three practical ways to become a more loving person: declare war on selfishness, attack the pride underneath it, and intentionally practice humility by putting others’ needs ahead of your own. In this episode: Why biblical love is much more than a feeling The difference between agape love and romantic, friendship, and family love What Philippians 2 teaches us about loving like Jesus Why waiting until you feel loving can keep you stuck How choosing obedience can begin changing our hearts What Chip learned during a painful season in his own marriage Why you can’t control another person—but you can change your part of the relationship How selfishness and pride undermine love Three practical choices that can help us become more loving How Christians can pursue love and unity in a deeply divided culture Why the mindset “I am second” can change the way we approach everyday relationships Resources mentioned: Book: I Choose Love by Chip Ingram Living on the Edge: livingontheedge.org Also mentioned: Good to Great in God’s Eyes by Chip Ingram Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.