70 - The Listening Skill That Prevents 90% of Arguments
Anger Management: Practical Tools to Control AngerShow Notes
For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com. Think about the last argument you had with your partner. It probably started innocently enough—just a conversation about their day, a decision you needed to make, something simple. But somewhere along the way, things went sideways. You got defensive, they got frustrated and suddenly you were fighting. In this practical episode of The Anger Management Podcast, anger expert Alastair Duhs reveals the real problem: you probably weren't listening. After 30 years of observing couples communicate, Alastair has identified the exact pattern that turns ordinary conversations into arguments. More importantly, he shares the four active listening skills that will simply stop 90% of your conflicts before they even start. This isn't about being polite or nodding along—it's about preventing conflict at its source. Key Takeaways: Most arguments don't happen because of the topic being discussed—they happen because of how you're listening (or not listening). Active listening is focused, attentive, and non-judgmental—you're fully present, making eye contact, and keeping the focus on your partner no matter what they say. The fatal pattern: most people don't actually listen, they're just preparing their rebuttal, thinking about their own point, turning conversation into competition. Minimal encouragers (simple sounds like "yes," "I see," "go on," or nodding) show your partner you're engaged and help them relax and open up. Ask open-ended questions about feelings, not just facts—shift from "Did you have a good day?" to "How was your day?" and "How did that make you feel?" Summarize or reframe what your partner said in your own words to validate their experience and build trust while avoiding defensiveness. Give positive feedback with supportive phrases like "I can understand why you'd feel that way" or "That sounds really tough" to create a cycle of better communication.
If arguments keep erupting in your relationship and you can't figure out why, this episode gives you four simple but powerful skills to transform how you communicate and remove the competition, defensiveness and need to be right. Links referenced in this episode: angersecrets.com — Learn more about anger management angersecrets.com/training — Watch the free training: Breaking the Anger Cycle angersecrets.com/course — Enrol in The Complete Anger Management System
More from Anger Management: Practical Tools to Control Anger
For help controlling your anger, visit https://angersecrets.com/. Two weeks after the last argument, you are having it again. Different trigger, same fight, same ending. In this episode, Alastair explains why the argument was never about the thing you were arguing about, and shows you the pattern running underneath it. If you keep having the same fight in different clothes, if your partner goes quiet and withdraws after you have spoken to them, or if your kids tiptoe around you after a row, you will recognise this pattern. You will learn the three roles people fall into when conflict starts: the persecutor who blames and criticises, the victim who feels powerless and deflects responsibility, and the rescuer who smooths things over and stops the real issue being addressed. The pattern has a name, the Drama Triangle. The part most people miss is that nobody stays in one role. Alastair walks through one argument over a burnt dinner where a husband and wife switch through all three roles in minutes, and both go to bed feeling like the victim. He also gives you the one question that starts to break the cycle: not what role were they in, but what role was I in? The Anger Management Podcast helps men and women master anger management, improve healthy conflict resolution, repair relationships after arguments, and create calmer, happier homes. Hosted by anger specialist Alastair Duhs, creator of The Complete Anger Management System.
For help controlling your anger, visit https://angersecrets.com/. You know you should stay calm. You promise yourself you will. Then something happens and you are already shouting before you have decided to. In this episode, Alastair explains why controlling your anger is not one big act of willpower, but three small skills most people have never been shown. If your anger feels like a switch that flips out of nowhere, if your jaw tightens or your voice changes without you noticing, or if you only realise you have lost your temper once the damage is done, you are not alone. You will learn three practical skills you can start using this week: how to recognise your early warning signs of anger, why slowing down for one or two seconds changes a conversation, and how knowing your anger triggers lets you prepare instead of react. Alastair shares the two-word technique one client used to force a pause, starting his next sentence with "I think" or "I feel". His wife noticed the difference within weeks. You will also hear about a dad whose anger felt like it came from nowhere, until he learned to spot his shoulders creeping up and his answers getting shorter. The Anger Management Podcast helps men and women master anger management, stay calm under pressure, manage anger triggers, and build calmer, happier relationships. Hosted by anger specialist Alastair Duhs, creator of The Complete Anger Management System.
For help controlling your anger, visit angersecrets.com. Is anger creating distance in your marriage? Maybe your partner has started walking on eggshells around you, conversations keep turning into arguments, or you feel like you're drifting further apart despite wanting things to be different. In this episode, I share five practical steps you can take today to start repairing your relationship. You'll learn how to take responsibility without blaming yourself, communicate instead of making assumptions, listen in a way that rebuilds trust, reconnect with your partner, and stop small disagreements from becoming major conflicts. You'll discover: Why taking responsibility is the first step toward rebuilding trust. How assumptions quietly create unnecessary conflict in relationships. The listening skill that can completely change the way you and your partner communicate. Why making intentional time for your marriage matters more than you think. One simple question that can stop unnecessary arguments before they cause lasting damage.
For help controlling your anger, visit angersecrets.com. Have you ever found yourself thinking: "Maybe this is just who I am?". If you've tried to control your anger before and slipped back into old patterns, you're not alone. It's one of the biggest reasons people stop believing lasting change is possible. In this special episode, I share the stories of 10 real people who once believed they were too far gone to change. They'd spent years making promises, apologizing after angry outbursts, and wondering if things would ever be different. Today, they're calmer, happier, and rebuilding the relationships that matter most. You'll discover: Why self-doubt keeps so many people trapped in the anger cycle. What changed for these 10 men and women—and why their progress happened faster than they expected. How learning practical anger management skills transformed their marriages, families, and daily lives. Why lasting change comes from following a structured process, not relying on willpower alone.
For help controlling your anger, visit angersecrets.com. Have you ever wondered "Do I have an anger problem?". You don't have to be shouting, throwing things or losing control for anger to be quietly damaging your relationships, your family, and your peace of mind. In this episode, I answer the five most important questions people ask about anger. You'll discover what anger really is, why it happens, when it's helpful, how to recognize when it's becoming a problem, and the practical steps you can take to regain control. You'll learn: What anger really is - and why it's an emotion, not a behavior. Why your thoughts create anger more than the situations you face. When anger can be useful - and when it damages your relationships. The warning signs that your anger may be affecting your partner, children, or work. Three practical ways to start controlling your anger before it controls you.