Show Notes
๐ป START YOUR WEEK WITH HOPE ON ๐๐ซ๐๐ง๐ฎ ๐๐๐ฃโ๐จ ๐ฝ๐๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ก๐ ๐๐ค๐๐๐๐จ๐ฉLicensed Marriage Family Therapist JJ West and Licensed Professional Counselor Doug Barnes continue Season 3 with a crucial conversation on the role of empathy in sexual integrity recovery.โIn this episode, they explore why empathy is not โsoftโ or optional, but central to healingโfrom how God empathizes with us, to how we learn to extend empathy to ourselves, and finally how we offer it to the spouses and loved ones weโve hurt.โโ๏ธ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐:โWhat is sexual addiction, really?โJJ and Doug define sexual addiction as misusing sexuality outside Godโs will and design to try to change how we feel inside, rather than turning to God and healthy connection.โโWhy โjust stop the behaviorโ doesnโt work.โThey explain how focusing only on behavior (porn, acting out, affairs) ignores the broken emotions, lies, and internal pain driving those behaviorsโand why this becomes a major barrier to empathy and longโterm change.โโWhen church or spouse says, โJust stop it.โโMany men have been shamed by spouses, churches, or leaders who only address outward behavior and miss the broken heart underneath, leaving men condemned instead of cared for.โโHow God models divine empathy.โPsalm 34:18 โ The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those crushed in spirit.John 8 โ The woman caught in adultery, where Jesus says, โNeither do I condemn youโฆ Go and sin no more,โ combining deep compassion with a call to change.Hebrews 4:15 โ Jesus as our High Priest who can empathize with our weakness because He was tempted in every way, yet without sin.โExperiencing empathy before offering empathy.โThey describe a progression:Receive empathy from God.Learn to extend empathy to yourself instead of selfโhatred.Accept empathy from safe others (like brothers in recovery).Offer empathy to those youโve hurtโespecially a betrayed spouse dealing with grief and triggers.โEmpathy vs. sympathyโwhatโs the difference?โDoug explains:Sympathy: โI feel for you. Iโm sorry that happened.โEmpathy: โI feel with you. Iโm entering into what this feels like for you.โThey talk about how many men were only taught sympathy (โIโm sorryโ) but never learned how to slow down, be curious, and actually feel with another person.โYou canโt give what you donโt have.โIf a man has never been allowed to feel or understand his own emotions, the emotions of his wife or kids can feel scary, and heโll tend to shut down, fix, defend, or explain instead of empathizing. JJ uses a driving example with a couple to show how a husband can move from defensiveness (โYou shouldnโt be scaredโ) to true empathy (โI know what that kind of fear feels like, Iโve been thereโ).โJesus weptโwith them, not just for them.โThey reflect on Jesus at Lazarusโ tomb, who already knew what He would do, but still wept with Mary and Martha in their painโanother powerful picture of Godโs empathy in action.โIf youโve been condemned, donโt let that block your healing.โJJ speaks directly to men whoโve been shamed by churches, leaders, or family: donโt let their sin against you keep you from pursuing the healing and empathy God offers you now.โโWhere can I learn and practice empathy?โThey encourage men to lean into Scripture, safe community, and especially the Every Manโs Battle Intensive and followโup groups as places where they can receive empathy and practice offering it to others.โThis episode ends with a teaser: thereโs more to say about empathy, so the conversation continues in next weekโs episode.๐ FEATURED RESOURCES NEXT STEPS:โก๏ธ ๐๐ซ๐๐ง๐ฎ ๐๐๐ฃโ๐จ ๐ฝ๐๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ก๐ ๐๐ฃ๐ฉ๐๐ฃ๐จ๐๐ซ๐ (Menโs Sexual Integrity Workshop)A 3โday, shameโfree intensive where youโll:Receive empathy and truth from licensed Christian counselors.Connect with other men who โget it.โBegin changing both your behavior and the heart drivers beneath it.โ๐ Learn more register: https://newlife.com/workshops/every-mans-battle/โโก๏ธ ๐๐๐ญ๐ช๐๐ก ๐๐ฃ๐ฉ๐๐๐ง๐๐ฉ๐ฎ ๐ฝ๐ก๐ค๐ ๐ผ๐ง๐ฉ๐๐๐ก๐๐จRead more on sexual integrity, empathy, and healing betrayal at N
More from Every Manโs Battle Podcast
These October messages are re-broadcasts from our most popular, relevant, and helpful messages that are worth listening to again to stay focused and strong over the changing seasons as you continue fighting Every Manโs Battle.๐ป ๐๐ซ๐๐ง๐ฎ ๐๐๐ฃโ๐จ ๐ฝ๐๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ก๐ ๐๐ค๐๐๐๐จ๐ฉ โ ๐๐ฉ๐ข๐ฌ๐จ๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐ก๐จ๐ฐ ๐๐จtesIn this final installment of the Key Elements of Transformation series, licensed counselors JJ West and Doug Barnes explain why you cannot do sexual integrity recovery alone and why behavior change without heart change eventually fails. Building on earlier episodes about grace, surrender, story work, and compassion, they now unpack how community, confrontation, and honest feedback become instruments of Godโs transforming grace.Youโll learn:Why isolation keeps your blind spots hidden, and how safe, truthโtelling brothers (not โyesโmenโ) help you see and change destructive patterns.The critical difference between behavior modification (shortโterm, performanceโdriven) and heart transformation (Spiritโled, relational, longโterm), and how each impacts your spouse, children, church, and friends.How courageous conversationsโlike friends confronting JJ about major life decisions or chronic latenessโillustrate the kind of community every man needs for lasting change.๐ Use code ๐๐๐๐๐๐ to save $100 when you register for the Every Manโs Battle Intensive, and ask about scholarships so finances donโt keep you from the help and community you need.๐ง ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐R EMAIL ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐Want extra content to encourage your integrity, delivered via email each month?๐ Email [email protected] with โBonus Contentโ in the subject line to receive exclusive Every Manโs Battle Podcast resources.โHave a question, story, or idea for a future episode?๐ Email [email protected] with โPodcast Questionโ in the subject line so JJ and Doug can consider it for upcoming QA episodes.โ๏ธ Need a counselor, mentor, or group to walk with you?๐ Call 800โNEWโLIFE or visit NewLife.com to find Christian counseling and menโs sexual integrity groups (inโperson and online).๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐ ๐๐ โ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐โ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐โ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐If this series has highlighted how much youโve tried to do recovery alone or rely on behavior checklists, itโs time to step into brotherhood and heart transformation. The Every Manโs Battle Intensive is a 3โday, Christโcentered workshop where licensed Christian counselors and trained facilitators walk you and a small group of men through teaching, story work, and practical tools you canโt get by yourself.After the workshop, you can plug into Every Manโs Battle groups, Menโs Sexual Integrity groups, and other support/12โstep style groups that New Life offers in person and online, so youโre never walking this path alone again.๐ต Worried about cost? Scholarships are available because New Life does not want finances to be the reason you stay in bondage. When you call 800โNEWโLIFE, ask about assistance for the Every Manโs Battle Intensive and related groups.Use code ๐๐๐๐๐๐ when you register to save $100 on your Every Manโs Battle tuition.๐ง Discover more ways to listen watch:๐ Every Manโs Battle Podcast hub: https://newlife.com/podcasts/every-mans-battle/๐ New Life LIVE other New Life podcasts: https://newlife.com/podcasts/#EveryMansBattle #SexualIntegrity #Transformation #HeartChangeVsBehaviorChange #Community #BrothersInTheBattle #NewLifeMinistries
These October messages are re-broadcasts from our most popular, relevant, and helpful messages that are worth listening to again to stay focused and strong over the changing seasons as you continue fighting Every Manโs Battle.๐ป ๐๐ซ๐๐ง๐ฎ ๐๐๐ฃโ๐จ ๐ฝ๐๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ก๐ ๐๐ค๐๐๐๐จ๐ฉ โ ๐๐ฉ๐ข๐ฌ๐จ๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐ก๐จ๐ฐ ๐๐จ๐๐๐In Part 2 of the Key Elements of Transformation series, licensed counselors JJ West and Doug Barnes draw on Gabor Matรฉโs insight that the real question is not โWhy the addiction?โ but โWhy the pain?โ They show how sexual acting out is a flawed attempt to soothe unaddressed childhood wounds, and they model a compassionate, curious way of revisiting those stories instead of piling on more shame.Youโll learn:Why slowing down, journaling, and tracing your last relapse backward in time helps identify emotions, thoughts, and needs that drove the behavior.How JJโs and Dougโs own stories of public shame and insignificance still echo in adulthoodโand how compassionate reโparenting of their younger selves changes their responses today.Practical first steps for processing acting out (journaling, naming needs, seeking legitimate ways to meet them) and why doing this work in communityโthrough groups like Sustained Victory and other menโs sexual integrity meetingsโis essential for lasting transformation.๐ Use code ๐๐๐๐๐๐ to save $100 when you register for the Every Manโs Battle Intensive, and ask about scholarships so finances donโt keep you from the help you need.๐ง ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐R EMAIL ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐Want extra content to encourage your integrity, delivered via email each month?๐ Email [email protected] with โBonus Contentโ in the subject line to receive exclusive Every Manโs Battle Podcast resources.โHave questions or feedback, or want JJ and Doug to address your specific struggle in a future episode?๐ Email [email protected] with โPodcast Questionโ in the subject line.โ๏ธ Need prayer, a counselor, or help finding a group?๐ Call 800โNEWโLIFE or visit NewLife.com for counseling, groups, and faithโbased sexual integrity resources.๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐ ๐๐ โ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐โ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐โ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐If youโre tired of beating yourself up after each relapse and ready to learn why you keep going back, the Every Manโs Battle Intensive is a crucial next step. This 3โday, inโperson workshop combines teaching, story work, smallโgroup interaction, and practical tools so men can address both behaviors and the pain beneath them.After the weekend, Sustained Victory and other New Life menโs sexual integrity groups offer the ongoing support, accountability, and compassionate community needed to keep processing wounds, needs, and triggers in real time.๐ต Concerned about cost? Scholarships are available because New Life does not want finances to be the reason you stay stuck. When you call 800โNEWโLIFE, ask about assistance for Every Manโs Battle and ongoing groups.Use code ๐๐๐๐๐๐ when you register to save $100 on your Every Manโs Battle registration.๐ง Discover more ways to listen watch:๐ Every Manโs Battle Podcast hub: https://newlife.com/podcasts/every-mans-battle/๐ New Life LIVE other podcasts: https://newlife.com/podcasts/#EveryMansBattle #SexualIntegrity #Transformation #GaborMate #ChildhoodWounds #CompassionateInquiry #Journaling #SustainedVictory #NewLifeMinistries
These October messages are re-broadcasts from our most popular, relevant, and helpful messages that are worth listening to again to stay focused and strong over the changing seasons as you continue fighting Every Manโs Battle.๐ป ๐๐ซ๐๐ง๐ฎ ๐๐๐ฃโ๐จ ๐ฝ๐๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ก๐ ๐๐ค๐๐๐๐จ๐ฉ โ ๐๐ฉ๐ข๐ฌ๐จ๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐ก๐จ๐ฐ ๐๐จ๐๐๐In Part 1 of a twoโepisode series on the key elements of transformation, licensed counselors JJ West and Doug Barnes unpack why sexual integrity is about far more than โnot looking at pornโ or โtrying harder.โ They distinguish behavior modification from graceโcentered heart change, emphasizing that without surrender, story work, and community, men will either whiteโknuckle sobriety or simply swap one unhealthy behavior for another.Youโll learn:Why surrender to Godโs care is not weakness or defeat, but the doorway to freedom and real spiritual transformation.How understanding your story behind your unwanted behaviorsโwith curiosity and kindness, not contemptโhelps you identify the wounds you keep reenacting in adulthood.Why community (Sustained Victory groups, church relationships, brothers in the battle) is essential for lasting change, and how to join the EMB email list and survey so the podcast can better serve you.๐ Use code ๐๐๐๐๐๐ to save $100 when you register for the Every Manโs Battle Intensive, and ask about scholarships so finances donโt keep you from the help you need.๐ง ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐, ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐JJ pauses midโepisode to make a specific request:Become part of the EMB email list so the team can better serve you.Complete a short listener survey that will shape future topics and resources.๐ To join: email [email protected] and ask to be added to the Every Manโs Battle Podcast list and receive the survey.Want extra content to encourage your integrity, delivered via email each month?๐ Email [email protected] with โBonus Contentโ in the subject line.Have a question or topic suggestion?๐ Email [email protected] with โPodcast Questionโ in the subject line.โ๏ธ Need prayer, a counselor, or more info on workshops and groups?๐ Call 800โNEWโLIFE or visit NewLife.com for counseling, groups, and faithโbased sexual integrity resources.๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐ ๐๐ โ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐โ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐If youโre realizing youโve tried to whiteโknuckle change without surrender, story work, or real community, the Every Manโs Battle Intensive is a vital next step. This 3โday, inโperson workshop brings together licensed Christian counselors and a small group of men for teaching, story work, and practical tools to move beyond behavior modification into heartโlevel transformation.After the weekend, Sustained Victory weekly groups provide the ongoing brotherhood, accountability, and graceโfilled feedback that help men live out what they learned, instead of slipping back into old patterns.๐ต Concerned about cost? New Life offers scholarships because finances should never be the reason a man stays stuck. When you call 800โNEWโLIFE, ask about assistance for both Every Manโs Battle and Sustained Victory.Use code ๐๐๐๐๐๐ when you register to save $100 on your Every Manโs Battle registration.๐ง Discover more ways to listen watch:๐ Every Manโs Battle Podcast hub: https://newlife.com/podcasts/every-mans-battle/๐ New Life LIVE other podcasts: https://newlife.com/podcasts/#EveryMansBattle #SexualIntegrity #Transformation #Surrender #StoryWork #GraceNotShame #SustainedVictory #EveryMansBattleWorkshop #NewLifeMinistries
These September messages are re-broadcasts from our most popular, relevant, and helpful messages that are worth listening to again to stay focused and strong over the changing seasons as you continue fighting Every Manโs Battle.๐ป ๐๐ซ๐๐ง๐ฎ ๐๐๐ฃโ๐จ ๐ฝ๐๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ก๐ ๐๐ค๐๐๐๐จ๐ฉ โ ๐๐ฉ๐ข๐ฌ๐จ๐๐ ๐๐ Show NotesIn this Season 3 โmeet the facilitatorsโ episode, licensed counselors JJ West and Doug Barnes interview Joe Elliott, an Every Manโs Battle breakoutโgroup and Sustained Victory facilitator whose story spans childhood exposure to sexualized media, decades of acting out across nearly all sexual boundaries, and a powerful turn toward freedom and service. Joe first attended EMB in 2011 after his wife, Kyra, confronted his ogling and friends pointed them to New Life.Youโll hear:How early experiencesโlike a nude portrait in his home, pinโups in the closet, and TV โheroesโ who slept with every guest starโshaped Joeโs objectification, compulsive masturbation, serial monogamy, and infidelity.Why skipping Sustained Victory after his first EMB led to relapse four years later, and how weekly groups, checkโin calls, journaling, and understanding โeye woundsโ now anchor his ongoing recovery and marriage.What Kyra told him about forgiveness vs. trustโand how her recorded prayer for EMB men today reflects Godโs grace at work in both of their lives.๐ Use code ๐๐๐๐๐๐ to save $100 when you register for the Every Manโs Battle Intensive, and ask about scholarships for both EMB and Sustained Victory so cost doesnโt keep you from the help you need.๐ง ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐R EMAIL ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐Want extra content to encourage your integrity, delivered via email each month?๐ Email [email protected] with โBonus Contentโ in the subject line to receive exclusive Every Manโs Battle Podcast resources.โHave a question or topic suggestion?๐ Email [email protected] with โPodcast Questionโ in the subject line.โ๏ธ Need prayer, a counselor, or more info on workshops and groups?๐ Call 800โNEWโLIFE or visit NewLife.com for counseling, groups, and faithโbased sexual integrity resources.๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐ ๐๐ โ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐โ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐If Joeโs story sounds painfully familiarโearly exposure, escalating behaviors, broken promises, and a โwhiteโknuckledโ attempt to fix things aloneโthe Every Manโs Battle Intensive is where your turnaround can begin. This 3โday, inโperson workshop provides a safe, shameโfree zone where licensed Christian counselors lead you and a small group of men through story work, biblical teaching, and practical tools for sexual integrity.After the weekend, Sustained Victory weekly groups offer the structured, ongoing support Joe wishes heโd embraced from day oneโguided conversations, accountability, and brotherhood that help you maintain momentum long after the event ends.๐ต Worried about cost? Joe mentions scholarships because New Life never wants money to be the reason you stay stuck. When you call 800โNEWโLIFE, ask about scholarship options for both Every Manโs Battle and Sustained Victory.Use code ๐๐๐๐๐๐ when you register to save $100 on the Every Manโs Battle workshop.๐ง Discover more ways to listen watch:๐ Every Manโs Battle Podcast hub: https://newlife.com/podcasts/every-mans-battle/๐ New Life LIVE other podcasts: https://newlife.com/podcasts/#EveryMansBattle #SexualIntegrity #JoeElliott #FacilitatorStories #PornAddiction #BrothersInTheBattle #SustainedVictory #EveryMansBattleWorkshop #NewLifeMinistries
These September messages are re-broadcasts from our most popular, relevant, and helpful messages that are worth listening to again to stay focused and strong over the changing seasons as you continue fighting Every Manโs Battle.๐ป ๐๐ซ๐๐ง๐ฎ ๐๐๐ฃโ๐จ ๐ฝ๐๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ก๐ ๐๐ค๐๐๐๐จ๐ฉ โ ๐๐ฉ๐ข๐ฌ๐จ๐๐ ๐๐ Show NotesFrom Dallas during an Every Manโs Battle Intensive, licensed counselors JJ West and Doug Barnes continue their โFinding What Mattersโ seriesโshifting from what to look for in a woman to the deeper question, โWhat kind of man am I becoming?โ They unpack why character, emotional health, and humility matter more than perfection or chemistry, and share candidly what theyโd do differently if they could redo their dating years.Youโll learn:Why you must first let God define your identity instead of handing women your โreport cardโ and asking them to tell you who you are.Key traits to look for in a woman: genuine faith, growing character, emotional honesty, and humilityโnot flawless performance or constant excitement.How mentoring, community feedback, and environments like the Every Manโs Battle Intensive can help both younger and older men walk in greater wisdom in dating and marriage.๐ Use code ๐๐๐๐๐๐ to save $100 on the Every Manโs Battle Intensive, a 3โday workshop where men address sexual integrity, grow in character, and learn to pursue relationships that truly reflect Godโs design๐ง ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐R EMAIL ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐Want extra content to encourage your integrity, delivered via email each month?๐ Email [email protected] with โBonus Contentโ in the subject line to receive exclusive Every Manโs Battle Podcast resources.โHave a question or topic suggestion?๐ Email [email protected] with โPodcast Questionโ in the subject line.โโ๏ธ Need prayer, a counselor, or more info on workshops and groups?๐ Call 800โNEWโLIFE or visit NewLife.com for counseling, groups, and faithโbased sexual integrity resources.โ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐ ๐๐ โ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐โ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐If this twoโpart series exposed how much your approach to dating and relationships has been driven by feelings, fantasy, or insecurity, the Every Manโs Battle Intensive is a crucial next step. This 3โday, inโperson workshop creates a noโshame zone where men confront sexual sin, understand their patterns, and experience mentoring and brotherhood in small groups led by licensed Christian counselors.Use code ๐๐๐๐๐๐ when you register to save $100 on your tuition. If finances are tight, ask about scholarships and financial assistance when you call 800โNEWโLIFEโNew Life does not want money to be the reason you stay stuck.๐ง Discover more ways to listen watch:๐ Every Manโs Battle Podcast hub:https://newlife.com/podcasts/every-mans-battle/๐ New Life LIVE other podcasts:https://newlife.com/podcasts/#EveryMansBattle #SexualIntegrity #DatingWisdom #Mentoring #ChristianMen #ChoosingASpouse #CharacterOverChemistry #Sanctification #EveryMansBattleWorkshop #NewLifeMinistries