Show Notes
Content Warning: Burnout and shutdown Masking and identity confusion People-pleasing and self-sacrifice Discussion of childhood experiences and labels Social pressure, fitting in, and internalised expectations Go gently if these topics are dysregulating for you. Summary: In this episode, Bri sits down with Laetitia Andrac to explore AuDHD through the lens of parts, identity, and the roles we develop to survive and succeed. Laetitia shares her journey from high-achieving strategy consultant to burnout, and how discovering her daughter’s neurodivergence led to her own late diagnosis. Together, they unpack how growing up without the “right” label often leads to collecting harmful ones instead: shaping identity through external expectations rather than self-understanding. The conversation dives deeply into parts work, from Internal Family Systems to psychodrama, exploring how certain parts (like the “get shit done” achiever or the selfless leader) are highly rewarded, while others (like the need for silence, rest, or deep interests) are pushed to the back of the bus. Laetitia introduces a powerful analogy:👉 AuDHD as your operating system, and your parts as apps. The episode ultimately invites listeners to move away from “fixing” themselves and toward building relationships with all parts, even (and especially) the ones that have been hidden, dismissed, or shamed. Takeaways: If you don’t get the right label, you collect the wrong ones. Growing up without understanding your neurotype can lead to harmful identity narratives and reduced self-worth. Some parts are rewarded, others are rejected. Productivity, selflessness, and high achievement are often praised, while rest, quiet, and deep internal worlds are dismissed. The “get shit done” part can come at a cost. Capable parts often dominate until burnout forces other needs to the surface. People-pleasing is often relational intelligence, not a flaw. Being attuned to others can be valued socially, but can lead to self-abandonment when it becomes the dominant role. Masking can disconnect you from who you are. Many AuDHDers develop a strong “masking part” that performs externally while internal distress goes unseen. Burnout can reconnect you with lost parts. Experiences like shutdown or burnout can bring forward parts that were previously ignored, like the need for stillness, silence, or non-productivity. Special interests are often dismissed, but deeply protective. They bring joy, meaning, and regulation, yet are frequently minimised because they don’t align with social norms. AuDHD is the operating system, and parts are the apps. Your neurotype is your wiring, but your parts (roles, adaptations, identities) are layered on top and can be understood and reshaped. You don’t need to delete parts; you need relationships with them. Trying to “get rid of” parts doesn’t create change; it creates disconnection. Healing comes from understanding their role and intention. Befriending your parts is an act of rebellion. In a world that prioritises performance and conformity, choosing authenticity and internal connection is powerful and countercultural. You can find Laetitia on Instagram at @understanding.zoe and on the web at www.understandingzoe.com.
More from AuDHD IRL
Content warning: Casual swearing throughout, and a very enthusiastic dog. Summary: Season 1 has officially wrapped, and for the finale I handed the mic over to the person who knows me best: my wife, Beth. We recorded this one from our actual living room (dog included), and she grilled me on everything from my podcasting process to what it's really like living with someone whose interests take up "square footage" in every room of the house. We cover: How I actually pick my guests (hint: you have to be AuDHD and genuinely obsessed with something) The gear, the chaos, and why "episode one" is actually a five-minute trailer A lightning round of season highlights, including my favourite line from the whole season (thank you, Morgz: "Grandma does not matter more than people") What I'd do differently next time, including building an AuDHD advisory group for feedback A sneak peek at Season 2 Beth's honest take on living with a monotropic brain and a hyperfocus project that ate six months of our living room
Content warning: Burnout, chronic health struggles, mental illness, brief references to domestic violence and the strain of single parenting. Summary: In this episode, Bri sits down with Dr Hayley D Quinn — mindset and wellbeing coach, speaker, author, former clinical psychologist, host of the Welcome to Self Unmasked podcast, and past president of Compassionate Mind Australia — to talk about burnout prevention and the power of a compassionate relationship with yourself. Hayley shares her late AuDHD diagnosis, her own significant burnout in 2016, and how discovering Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT) changed the way she relates to herself. Together, Bri and Hayley unpack the early warning signs of burnout, why neurotypical recovery advice ("just get out more") can push neurodivergent people further into burnout, and what real burnout prevention looks like: knowing yourself, building in breaks, and treating yourself the way you'd treat a small child you love. They dig into the three flows of compassion (giving, receiving, and self-compassion), why receiving is often the hardest one, and practical ways to start — hand-on-heart check-ins, compassionate letter writing, and asking yourself one simple question. Takeaways: Burnout doesn't always look like collapse. It can look like "everything's fine at work" but nothing left for anyone once you're home, social withdrawal, or things that used to feel easy suddenly feeling hard. Neurotypical burnout advice (get out more, push through, stay busy) can push neurodivergent people deeper into burnout — recovery has to be tailored to your neurotype. There are three flows of compassion: giving it out, receiving it from others, and offering it to yourself. Most of us are strong on the first and shakiest on the other two. A compassionate relationship with yourself isn't about letting yourself off the hook. It takes courage, wisdom, and strength. Tone matters as much as words — "you're doing your best" lands completely differently depending on the warmth behind it. If a coping strategy doesn't work, that's not failure. It's just data. Try it: ask yourself "what's one small thing I could change, that I likely can change, to make my life more enjoyable?" Follow Hayley: Dr Hayley D Quinn is at www.drhayleydquinn.com, on Instagram, Facebook & LinkedIn. Hayley's podcast: Welcome to Self Unmasked Hayley's book: From Self Neglect to Self Compassion (includes 8 guided compassion meditations via QR code)
Content warning: brief mentions of trauma, PTSD, dissociative identity disorder, chronic illness and healthcare self-advocacy, and online hatred directed at trans people. Nothing graphic. Look after yourself! Summary:This one's a bit different. Bri grabbed Emily and Jade, her Psych Hive co-directors and real-life mates, for two quick check-ins recorded live from NATCA (the Neurodivergence Affirming Therapists Conference Australia) in Melbourne. Part one is end of day one, part two is the exhausted-but-glowing wrap after day two, where Jade and Bri also gave their own talk on self-care. Along the way: spirit animal introductions (Jade's a lemur, Emily's a cheetah, Bri's a labrador who eats shoes, don't ask), a mid-conference "missing person" scare, and a genuinely lovely rundown of what stuck with them from two days of neuroaffirming research and practice. Takeaways: Day one, the panel on neurodivergence and medical co-occurrences hit hard: capacity is finite, and the people with the most medical complexity carry the heaviest self-advocacy load. Systems like NDIS and Medicare help some, but the burden of proving your needs still falls on the most disabled. A talk on trans marginalisation and online hatred, and one on intergenerational trauma from undiagnosed neurodivergence, both circled the same idea: othering breaks connection, and disconnection is where distress grows. Research on masking and mental health found the harm isn't masking itself, it's what masking does to your sense of self: feeling "less than" and losing a clear identity. The quote that stuck: "I am wrong." Day two opened with Nick Walker's keynote touched on human flourishing and a genuinely useful reframe: instead of pathology paradigm versus neurodiversity paradigm, think pathology paradigm versus neuronormative paradigm. Some forms of neurodivergence (like PTSD) can genuinely benefit from treatment when the person wants that. Others (like autism) are actively harmed by attempts to cure them. ADHD medication got reframed as an accommodation rather than a cure, since the traits come straight back off it. A talk on echolalia reframed it as authentic communication rather than "just stimming", it can carry a feeling, a need, a want, or be a bid for connection. There's even a version where people echo movements or emotions, not just words. The through-line for both of them: connection, not categorisation, is what actually helps people flourish. They close with a quick word on Psych Hive resources (the OCD guide, the PDA parent guide, the AuDHD books for adults and for parents, free webinars and downloads) and two prize draws running through the AuDHD IRL and Psych Hive email lists. Jade and Emily will be back to talk about building a neuroaffirming practice and being allies. You can find Jade and Emily on instagram at @thepsychhive and their resources through the website www.thepsychhive.com.
Content warning: This episode touches on sexual assault, postpartum rage, and suicide statistics (in the context of perimenopause research). Please look after yourself. If this isn't what you have capacity for today, keep scrolling. Show notes: This one is a hormone deep dive and it's some knowledge I wish someone had handed me years ago. I sat down (in person, so much fun) with Samantha Johnson, AuDHD lived experience educator and the brains behind Sam Attempts Motherhood, to talk about the wild ride of AuDHD plus hormones plus motherhood. Sam takes us right through the cycle: what oestrogen and progesterone are actually doing to your dopamine and your sensory system, why the days before your period can flatten you, and why "just take birth control" is doctors' favourite non-answer. We get into cyclic medication dosing (yes, your meds can need adjusting through the month), how postpartum rage and perimenopause snuck up on Sam at the same time, and why AuDHD folks might just be noticing these shifts earlier rather than experiencing them earlier. We also unpack the WHI scare that set women's hormone health back decades, vaginal estrogen for UTIs, and why self identification is valid, full stop. It's dense, it's validating, and it will make you want to go start tracking your cycle immediately. Takeaways: Oestrogen and progesterone aren't just "period hormones." Oestrogen affects dopamine, progesterone affects sensory processing, mood, gut motility and histamine clearance. Every cell in your body has oestrogen receptors. The days before ovulation and the days before your period are when a lot of AuDHD folks notice their meds feel "off." That's real, and cyclic dosing is backed by research, even if most doctors haven't caught up. Self identification counts. If you've done the deep dives and ticked the boxes, you don't need three hours with a psych to validate a lifetime of lived experience. Postpartum rage and early perimenopause can hit at the same time and get mistaken for each other, or dismissed entirely. AuDHD people may not start perimenopause earlier, but we might just be more sensitive to noticing the shift before our neurotypical peers do. The 2002 Women's Health Initiative scare tanked HRT uptake and we're still feeling the fallout, even though the original findings were misreported. Vaginal oestrogen can be a genuine fix for recurrent UTIs in older women, instead of endless rounds of antibiotics. Find Sam at @samattemptsmotherhood or www.attemptingmotherhood.com for her free resources, and check out Dr Lotta Borg Skoglund and Dr Kelly Casperson for more on this stuff.
Content warning This episode includes discussion of transphobia, misgendering and microaggressions, and a brief mention of non-consensual medical procedures performed on intersex infants. Please look after yourself while you listen. Summary This week I sat down with Morgs, and was such a joy. We actually met years ago working retail together (selling very overpriced cups and plates), and I have loved watching everything they have gone on to do since. Morgs is a queer, trans, neurodivergent social worker. They were the 2023 AASW Social Work Student of the Year for a policy proposal to include gender affirming surgeries in the Medicare Benefits Scheme. They finished their master's in 2024, and they now work in child protection. They are also AuDHD, and their current special interest is dahlias (we got delightfully sidetracked). Our topic was AuDHD and gender diversity, and Morgs brought so much warmth and wisdom to it. We talked about why autistic people are far more likely to be gender diverse, and Morgs had a beautiful way of putting it. If you already feel like you do not fit the rules in a hundred other ways, questioning the rules around gender feels like much less of a leap. Morgs also shared something cool... When they started transitioning, a whole lot of autistic traits became more obvious, because they were unmasking femininity and unmasking autism at the same time. Finding out who they were in terms of gender helped them find out who they were as a neurodivergent person. Cool, right?? Then we got into language, which we both love. We unpacked AFAB and AMAB, why those terms get overused, and why saying what you mean is so much kinder and clearer than lumping people into boxes. We finished on microaggressions, over-apologising, and the very simple, very powerful question: what are your pronouns? This one will make you think, and it might just help you do a little bit better. Takeaways There are as many experiences of gender and autism as there are gender diverse and autistic people. You cannot assume. Transitioning and unmasking can happen together. Exploring your gender can unlock a deeper understanding of your neurotype. Say what you mean. If you mean people who have periods, say that. AFAB and AMAB are not a stand-in for someone's whole body, history or identity. If you get someone's pronouns wrong, apologise once, correct yourself, and move on. Do not make the other person comfort you. Just ask: what are your pronouns? Fewer words, less assuming, easy to practice. We all have room to do a little bit better. Trans and gender diverse people need cis people to meet them halfway.