
Show Notes
Puberty is a long season of change and for neurodivergent children, that can feel especially overwhelming. In this episode, Victoria and Natalie are joined by Cath Hakanson, sex educator and founder of Sex Ed Rescue, who shares practical, reassuring guidance on talking to autistic and ADHD kids about puberty, bodies, and growing up. Cath is late-diagnosed autistic and ADHD herself, and brings both professional expertise and lived experience to the conversation. About Cath Hakanson Cath Hakanson is a clinical sexuality educator, registered nurse, and founder of Sex Ed Rescue, a global platform that has supported over a million families with honest, shame-free sex education. With more than 25 years of clinical experience spanning sexual health nursing, sex therapy, and health promotion, Cath has made it her mission to help parents have the conversations they were never taught to have. Late-diagnosed AuDHD herself and a parent of neurodivergent kids, she brings both expertise and lived experience to her work. Her approach is simple, factual, and built for real family life, neurospicy or otherwise. Key Takeaways Start early and keep it small. Introducing puberty from age four or five through books, casual comments, and everyday moments which means it's never one huge overwhelming conversation. Puberty isn't necessarily different for neurodivergent kids, but the way they experience and process it often is. Sensory sensitivities around hygiene routines, body hair, and discharge can all create friction. Before you problem-solve, ask. The single most useful thing you can do is ask your child what's getting in the way, the answer might surprise you. Small, natural, low-pressure conversations, once a month, in the car, over a TV show, are far more effective and keep the door open for questions as they grow. Hormones can hit differently with a neurodivergent nervous system. Helping your child understand why their emotions might feel more intense during puberty is part of the conversation too. It's never too late to start. Whether your child is four or eighteen, beginning the conversation now is always better than not beginning it at all.
Mentioned in This Episode Cath's Top Ten Sex Education Books - https://sexedrescue.com/sex-education-books Hair in Funny Places by Babette Cole https://babette-cole.com/10550-2/ AUsome — Autistic-led neurodiversity training - https://ausometraining.com Free Guide: Sex Education for Neurodivergent Kids - For parents of autistic and ADHD kids who want a clearer way to approach sex ed without making it feel bigger or harder than it needs to be. https://sexedrescue.com/neuroaffirmingsexed Connect with Cath Website: https://sexedrescue.com Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/cathhakanson Connect with The Autism Mums Website – https://theautismmums.com/ Follow us on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theautismmums Follow us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theautismmums Follow us on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@theautismmums
More from The Autism Mums Podcast
In this episode, we’re joined by John Ossipinsky, known online as “The Lymph Man,” to talk about a part of the body most of us never think about, the lymphatic system. John has spent years studying how this network of vessels clears waste and inflammation, and he shares his take on how it might connect to the way our children feel, think and cope day to day. He covers posture, diet, deep breathing, and a simple shoulder exercise you can try at home. Biography John Ossipinsky, known as LymphMan, is a Lymphatic Health Coach and host of The Lymph-Brain Revolution Podcast. He’s spent over 30 years as a Certified Lymphedema Therapist, with advanced training in CranioSacral Therapy and Visceral Manipulation, helping thousands of clients improve their quality of life. In this episode he talks about how supporting the lymphatic system, movement and inflammation can help teens and adults on the autism spectrum feel more balanced. Key Takeaways The lymphatic system has no pump of its own, unlike the heart and blood. It relies on movement, posture and breathing to keep it flowing. Poor posture and long periods on screens with the head down restrict lymph flow in the neck, something John says affects adults and children alike. When the lymphatic system can’t clear cellular waste, it builds up as inflammation, which can show up anywhere in the body: skin, joints, brain. Diet has a direct effect on lymph flow. A typical Western diet (meat, bread, white flour, sugar) is acid-forming, and acidity restricts the lymphatic system. Small daily habits, deep breathing, movement, and what John calls the “Lymph Man Shoulder Shuffle”, can noticeably improve lymph flow in just a few minutes.
In this episode of The Autism Mums Podcast, we're talking about the mistakes schools and professionals make that might seem small to them but can be enormous for autistic children and SEND families. We share our own experiences of placements that worked and placements that broke down, including in specialist schools and alternative provisions where you'd expect staff to know better. We talk about what happens when promises aren't kept, when communication breaks down and when timelines drift, and why for some children, once trust is gone, there's no easy way back. We also talk about why parents raise concerns early, why that isn't being overprotective, and what schools can do that same week when a parent says their child is close to not coming in. Key Takeaways Knowing the child before they arrive matters. Reading the EHCP and asking parents about likes, dislikes and triggers can make or break a placement The first session counts. For many autistic children, one bad experience can lead straight to refusal Keeping promises is essential to a child's sense of safety, and broken promises are rarely forgotten You can ignore the behaviour, but you should never ignore the child. A child left alone in a shutdown can feel abandoned Whatever caused a meltdown or shutdown needs addressing quickly, not days later Ignoring requests for meetings or a child's anxieties is one of the fastest routes to placement breakdown Clear timelines help anxious children. "Later" needs to mean a specific day and time Schools don't get endless chances. With some autistic children it can be one strike, not three Once a child says they're done, there's often no way back, so needs must be met much earlier Children who mask or comply at school may be holding it together until they get home, so parents often see the full picture when staff don't Parents aren't trying to be difficult. They're trying to stop the placement they fought for from breaking down Placement breakdown is rarely sudden. It usually follows weeks, months or years of anxiety, broken trust and missed opportunities
Greer Jones, host of The Unfinished Idea podcast is back on the show. Since we last spoke she's launched the Beautifully Wired Summit, a free three-day online event for mums raising girls with ADHD and autism, and her first book, So, Now What? is out in November. We talk about: The moment Greer realised she had ADHD herself Why she wrote her book and decided to run a summit And the benefits of breathwork
In this episode of The Autism Mums Podcast, we're joined by autistic author, speaker and former teacher Pete Wharmby. We first saw Pete speak at the SEND protest in London, and we knew straight away we wanted him on the show. Pete's latest book, Different Minds: How We Can Help Our Autistic School Children Thrive, looks at what school is really like for autistic children, and why so many of them are struggling. Drawing on his years in the classroom, his own school days and his experience as a parent of an autistic daughter, Pete talks about the inflexibility of mainstream school, from strict uniform rules to stationery checks, and why the problem lies with the system rather than with our children. We also talk about masking, the signs that a child may be holding it together at school and paying for it at home, how masking can tip into burnout, and how Pete recognises burnout in himself as an adult. Pete shares his thoughts on lunchtimes and break times, why lockdown "broke the spell" of school for so many families, and the one idea he'd love every teacher to understand: the double empathy problem. About Pete Wharmby Pete Wharmby is an autistic author and speaker who was diagnosed as autistic at 34, and later with ADHD. He spent many years working as a teacher before turning his focus to autism and neurodiversity awareness and acceptance, after being shocked by the statistics around depression, anxiety and life expectancy for autistic people. Pete now delivers talks, keynotes and training for schools, workplaces and organisations across education, health and justice. He is the author of What I Want to Talk About, Untypical and his latest book, Different Minds. He's also a parent to an autistic daughter. Key Takeaways Autistic children's struggles at school are not their fault, and school refusal is far more likely the less flexible the school environment is. Mainstream school has become more rigid over the last 15 years, at the same time as awareness of neurodivergence has grown, creating a real clash for families. Autistic children need flexibility around uniform, lunchtimes, homework and timetables, because every child's needs are different. Meltdowns after school rarely come from nowhere; they're often the result of a day full of sensory and social stress. Masking at school often carries on at home, so look for exhaustion, irritability, "blank positivity" about the day and a lack of detail. Encouraging a child to stop masking completely at school can put them at risk, so the priority is giving them real downtime at home. Masking can eventually give way to burnout, which can then lead to depression if it isn't recognised and supported. Break times and lunchtimes are unstructured and can be the hardest part of the day for some autistic children. Talking openly with children about autism helps them understand their own brains and make their own choices, such as when to socialise and when to rest. For many autistic children, lockdown showed that school as we know it isn't inevitable, and many families have since chosen home education. A child's enthusiasm for school is fragile, and once broken it is very hard to rebuild. Autistic children respond to teachers who show humanity and can admit when they've got something wrong. The double empathy problem means autistic and non-autistic people can misunderstand each other, and teachers, as the adults, should help bridge that gap. A lack of eye contact or a direct way of speaking is not rudeness; it's often simply an autistic way of communicating.
In this episode of The Autism Mums Podcast, we're talking about EBSA: emotionally based school avoidance, sometimes called school distress or school anxiety. It's a term most parents only come across once things are already really difficult, when mornings have become impossible, your child is melting down before school, or they're holding it together in the classroom and falling apart the moment they get home.