#172 - What “Beaches” Gets Right About Friendship (Professors Paul Eastwick & Eli Finkel)
Dear Nina: Conversations About FriendshipShow Notes
You've arrived at the best academic nerd-out ever on the movie Beaches. Find out why CC Bloom and Hillary Whitney's instant friendship chemistry, breakups and makeups, and tear-jerker ending still wrecks us (in the best way). Is there something we can still learn in 2025 about making, keeping, and losing friends from this late 80s film? Absolutely. And professors of psychology agree! My assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs, and I were thrilled to dissect Beaches and its timeless lessons on friendship with psychology professors Paul Eastwick of UC Davis and Eli Finkel of Northwestern University. Paul and Eli are also the dream team behind the Love Factually podcast, where they explain what our favorite romantic films get right--and wrong--about the science of romance. For this episode of Dear Nina, they turned that laser focus to friendship instead. We examined CC & Hillary's iconic bond through research on conflict, jealousy, apologies, complementary roles, the “soulmate” mindset, and more. We laughed a lot too! Yes, we quote the department store fight. Yes, we talk about "Wind Beneath My Wings" and other unforgettable songs from the film. Yes, Rebekah wore a Bette + Barbara t-shirt. It’s peak friendship content with genuine lessons for your adult friendships. Don't miss this one!
HIGHLIGHTS: What Beaches gets right about how close friends actually operate. Why the first apology flopped, what finally worked, and how to apologize like a grown-up. The “best friend” myth, challenged: You don’t need a single ride-or-die to have a rich friendship life. Do opposites attract? That's not backed by relationship science, but roles do emerge in most relationships. Why “I’ll hire a nurse” isn’t the same as “I’ll take care of you,” and how responsiveness deepens bonds. Anger is often a mask for hurt; naming the deeper feeling opens the door to repair. Forgiveness lands when both people agree a “debt” exists. Your romantic partner as your "best friend" might not be the best idea. How your beliefs about soulmates influences they way you're willing to work things out (or not). "Transformation of motivation" was a new term to Rebekah and to me, and we loved it. You'll have to listen to learn more!
LINKS MENTIONED: The Love Factually podcast, hosted by Paul and Eli The White Lotus/Dear Nina episode where Nina and Rebekah discuss the friendship trio Listen to the Beaches soundtrack on Spotify
MEET THE PROFESSORS: Eli Finkel is a Professor of Psychology and Management at Northwestern University. He is the author of The All-Or-Nothing Marriage: How the Best Marriages Work, the founding co-director of the Litowitz Center for Enlightened Disagreement, and the co-host of the Love Factually podcast. Paul Eastwick is a Professor of Psychology at UC Davis and author of the forthcoming book Bonded by Evolution. His research and writing has been featured in outlets like The New York Times, The Atlantic, NPR, and Scientific American Mind, and he is a co-host of Love Factually
MEET REBEKAH JACOBS: Rebekah Jacobs is the assistant producer of Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship and a writing professor who lives in Bethesda, Maryland, with her husband and three kids.
ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO
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Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!
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