Anger Management: Practical Tools to Control Anger

71 - The 4 Behaviors That Predict Divorce (And How to Stop Them)

Anger Management: Practical Tools to Control Anger

Show Notes

For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com. You might think anger is your biggest relationship problem. You work hard on staying calm, bite your tongue, you try all the techniques. But while you're focused on not losing your temper, four quieter behaviors are slowly destroying your relationship. In this episode of The Anger Management Podcast, anger expert Alastair Duhs reveals the four behaviors that predict divorce with over 90% accuracy—and most couples don't even know they're doing them. Drawing on Dr. John Gottman's decades of relationship research, Alastair walks you through what Gottman called "The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse"—the specific communication patterns that poison relationships over time. More importantly, he shows you the exact antidotes to each pattern and how controlling your anger is the key to breaking these destructive cycles before they kill your connection. Key Takeaways: Whether couples stay together or divorce isn't about how often they fight or even about anger—it's about four specific behaviors that quietly poison relationships over time. Criticism attacks who your partner is as a person (not just what they did), sending the devastating message "I have a problem with who you are, not just what you've done." Defensiveness escalates every conflict by turning discussions into fights about who's right—excuses, justifications, and counter-attacks prevent you from actually hearing your partner. Contempt is the single greatest predictor of divorce—eye rolling, mocking, sarcasm, talking down to your partner, and communicating from a position of superiority all signal contempt. Stonewalling (shutting down, silent treatment, walking out mid-conversation) makes your partner feel abandoned and creates distance faster than almost anything else.

If you've been working on your anger but your relationship still feels strained, this episode reveals the hidden patterns that might be doing the real damage—and exactly how to stop them. Links referenced in this episode: angersecrets.com — Learn more about anger management angersecrets.com/training — Watch the free training: Breaking the Anger Cycle angersecrets.com/course — Enrol in The Complete Anger Management System

More from Anger Management: Practical Tools to Control Anger

Oct 18, 2026

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For help controlling your anger, visit https://angersecrets.com/. You know you should stay calm. You promise yourself you will. Then something happens and you are already shouting before you have decided to. In this episode, Alastair explains why controlling your anger is not one big act of willpower, but three small skills most people have never been shown. If your anger feels like a switch that flips out of nowhere, if your jaw tightens or your voice changes without you noticing, or if you only realise you have lost your temper once the damage is done, you are not alone. You will learn three practical skills you can start using this week: how to recognise your early warning signs of anger, why slowing down for one or two seconds changes a conversation, and how knowing your anger triggers lets you prepare instead of react. Alastair shares the two-word technique one client used to force a pause, starting his next sentence with "I think" or "I feel". His wife noticed the difference within weeks. You will also hear about a dad whose anger felt like it came from nowhere, until he learned to spot his shoulders creeping up and his answers getting shorter. The Anger Management Podcast helps men and women master anger management, stay calm under pressure, manage anger triggers, and build calmer, happier relationships. Hosted by anger specialist Alastair Duhs, creator of The Complete Anger Management System.

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For help controlling your anger, visit angersecrets.com. Have you ever found yourself thinking: "Maybe this is just who I am?". If you've tried to control your anger before and slipped back into old patterns, you're not alone. It's one of the biggest reasons people stop believing lasting change is possible. In this special episode, I share the stories of 10 real people who once believed they were too far gone to change. They'd spent years making promises, apologizing after angry outbursts, and wondering if things would ever be different. Today, they're calmer, happier, and rebuilding the relationships that matter most. You'll discover: Why self-doubt keeps so many people trapped in the anger cycle. What changed for these 10 men and women—and why their progress happened faster than they expected. How learning practical anger management skills transformed their marriages, families, and daily lives. Why lasting change comes from following a structured process, not relying on willpower alone.

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For help controlling your anger, visit angersecrets.com. Have you ever wondered "Do I have an anger problem?". You don't have to be shouting, throwing things or losing control for anger to be quietly damaging your relationships, your family, and your peace of mind. In this episode, I answer the five most important questions people ask about anger. You'll discover what anger really is, why it happens, when it's helpful, how to recognize when it's becoming a problem, and the practical steps you can take to regain control. You'll learn: What anger really is - and why it's an emotion, not a behavior. Why your thoughts create anger more than the situations you face. When anger can be useful - and when it damages your relationships. The warning signs that your anger may be affecting your partner, children, or work. Three practical ways to start controlling your anger before it controls you.

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