121: The Roots of Perfectionism with Monique Melton

"I felt like I was drowning and exploding at the same time." This week I'm joined by Nicole McNelis, LPC — perinatal mental health therapist, researcher, and one of the leading voices on maternal rage. We first met when she came to San Diego to present for our local Postpartum Health Alliance, and I've wanted to bring this conversation to you ever since. Here's the reframe that changes everything: your rage is a message, not a meltdown. It's not a character flaw, it's a signal. And you're far from alone: in Nicole's research, 80% of perinatal providers said they're seeing mom rage in the moms they serve. This isn't a YOU thing. It's a system thing. In this episode, we talk about: How we define maternal rage The cycle of rage: the buildup, the explosion, and the shame-and-guilt aftermath Why there's no widely used term for "dad rage" — and what that reveals about the mental load Real strategies for when rage bubbles up

What if your birth went "well" on paper... but something in you still feels unresolved? This week I'm joined by Beth Warren, LCSW, PMH-C, a perinatal psychotherapist, EMDR consultant, and author of Healing from Reproductive Trauma. We talk about what reproductive trauma actually includes (hint: it's SO much more than a "hard birth"), and why it can show up later as rage, hypervigilance, shame, or a feeling of disconnect from your body, child, and partner. I also open up about my own experience with postpartum anxiety, a pregnancy loss, and the unexpected childhood memory that EMDR brought forward (and the healing that followed). Whether you're preparing for a baby, in the thick of postpartum, or years down the road wondering "was that trauma?"... this one's for you. Because if it was distressing to you, it matters. In this episode What falls under "reproductive trauma," from infertility and loss to NICU stays and births that looked smooth medically The fawn response How unprocessed reproductive experiences can ripple forward and ripple to older wounds What healing can look like

Social media isn't going anywhere...so how do we raise kids inside this new digital age? How do we keep them safe? How do we navigate OUR OWN relationship with it? This week I'm joined by Kelly McCullough, LCSW, child and adolescent therapist, and founder of La Jolla Therapy Center, to move past the all-or-nothing panic and into something more livable. We get honest about "chasing presence" as parents, why our teens are actually wired to crave connection, and what the research says about the sweet spot between zero access and unrestricted access. Kelly brings the tangible, concrete guidance parents are hungry for — and we both admit how messy this is to actually pull off in real life. Whether you've got littles, teens, or you're just navigating your own relationship with your phone, there's something here for you. In this episode, we get into: Why so many of us are "chasing presence" — and how our phones keep us stuck in the chase Why the teenage pull toward peers is healthy, not a red flag What emerging research says about zero access vs. unrestricted access Kelly's tangible guidelines How to lay the foundation early with younger kids The loneliness epidemic

What happens when love and fear live in the same household? This week I'm joined by Leslie Priscilla, founder of Latinx Parenting, cultural healer, and author of the new book CHANCLA: Healing Our Families, Ourselves, and Our Culture through Nonviolent Parenting. Leslie has spent 17+ years helping Latinx families break cycles of intergenerational harm, and in this conversation she uses one deeply familiar cultural emblem — la chancla, the sandal — as a keyhole into a much bigger story about survival, history, and healing. This is a tender, honest, context-over-shame conversation. In this episode, we talk about: The context and culture around la Chancla What "nonviolent" parenting actually means The "cuatro amigos" underneath so much of how we parent Reconnecting with the inner child — the inner niña — as a path back to intuition Remembrance and celebrating the resilience AND resistance of the culture

In this episode, I sit down with therapist Josie Ampaw-Greene — a licensed clinical social worker and mom to twins — for a conversation on how we talk to our kids about race, identity, and oppression. We talk about: Why "should I even bring it up?" is itself a form of privilege Ally vs. accomplice — and sitting IN the discomfort, not on the sidelines Perfectionism as a form of white supremacy (yeah...we went there) Adultification — why kids of color have these talks so much earlier Starting with history (going back 300 years, not today's headlines) And where to start today