Show Notes
There was a time when I thought success had a very specific look. It came with upgrades; a bigger home, a full calendar, promotions, excess, and maybe, eventually, a kitchen island. It was a life of steady expansion, of always reaching for the next thing. That’s what we’re sold, isn’t it? That progress is linear, tangible, and measurable. That you prove you’re doing well by stacking visible achievements on top of each other like building blocks. Bigger. Better. More. But eventually, I got tired. Not in the “I need a weekend off” kind of way but in a tired in my bones, in my brain and in my soul kind of way. Because the more I chased, the more I realised there was always something else to catch. One more rung on the ladder. One more level up. And it was never enough. The finish line just kept moving. When “Success” Stops Feeling Successful What no one really tells you is that conventional success can become its own trap. It looks good from the outside'; shiny, impressive, easy to measure. But it’s often built on a foundation of pressure, pace, and self-abandonment. You start shaping your life around an image that was never actually yours. And one day, you realise that everything you’re chasing is costing you the very things that matter most: peace, presence, clarity, joy. That’s where I found myself. Living a life that looked “on track” but didn’t feel rooted. So I did something unexpected: I stepped off the path. These days, I don’t have a five-year plan or a desire to scale. I don’t have a dream home on my vision board. We live in a small 650 sq ft split level flat and plan to stay here permanently. We grow food in containers on the balcony and out our allotment. My Husband works from home full time, I work from home when I have time, I home educate my children and I say no to things that pull me out of alignment even if they look good on paper. And strangely, in the quiet of all that notchasing, I’ve found the version of success that actually fits me. For me now, success is being able to wake up slowly with my kids. It’s sitting down to lunch without rushing through it. It’s making food from scratch and knowing exactly where it came from. It’s writing words I believe in here. It’s going to bed with a calm nervous system and a full heart. It’s living in integrity with what I value, not with what I’ve been told to value. Letting Go of the Upgrade Narrative Redefining success has meant releasing the belief that more automatically equals better. And that process is uncomfortable. Because the world doesn’t hand out awards for opting out. People don’t always understand when you say, “We’re not moving, actually.” Or, “No, I don’t want to grow this bigger.” Or, “That’s not the kind of busy I’m interested in”. But I’m not here to live for the applause. I’m here to live a life that feels like mine. Even if it doesn’t look like anyone else’s. There’s this cultural script that tells us we have to move fast to matter and that success is built in speed and hustle. But the more I slowed down, the more I realised that everything I wanted, connection, calm, clarity, was already here. It was just buried under noise. “No” One of the hardest, and most liberating, skills I’ve learned is how to say no. No to opportunities that look shiny but feel off. No to timelines that rush me. No to business tactics that don’t sit right in my gut. No to the idea that my worth is tied to how much I can produce. And that quiet voice that sometimes whispers, shouldn’t you be doing more? I hear it. I thank it. And then I let it go. Success now looks like saying, “This is enough for today.” It looks like resting without guilt. It looks like building a life I don’t need a holiday from. What If This Is Already Enough? The irony is, once I stopped chasing more, life started to feel more abundant. Not because I had more, but because I noticed more and noticed the feeling of being exactly where I’m supposed to be. We’re taught to associate success with expansion.
More from The Slow Living Collective
There are some things I used to compromise on without really noticing and I would explain them away as nothing more than practicality. Listen, I don’t think all compromise is bad because obviously it isn’t and sometimes life requires compromise… none of us are moving through life getting exactly what we want at every moment. But slowly, over the past few years, I have started to realise that some of the compromises I was making weren’t neutral meaning they were costing me something.
I think one of the most grounding things seasonal living has taught me is that not every season asks the same thing from us, and I don’t just mean the seasons outside the window, although I do mean those too. I mean the quieter seasons of our lives, the less obvious ones, the seasons of holding things together, of building. The seasons of rest, of tending, recovering, recalibrating, waiting, grieving, beginning again. The seasons that don’t arrive neatly on a calendar like the actual seasons, but still shape the way we move through our days.
I think one of the most uncomfortable parts of living intentionally is realising that your life might stop making sense to other people and that’s not because you’re doing anything wrong and it’s not because they are doing anything wrong either, but because difference, when it is lived honestly, has a way of unsettling the stories people carry about what a good life is supposed to look like. There is an unspoken expectation in modern life that our choices should be broadly recognisable. Ideally, they should also be explainable. If we choose something different around work, family, home, ambition, money, education or pace, we are often expected to justify it in a way that reassures other people we haven’t made a terrible mistake, it’s as though our lives need to pass some kind of public approval test before we are allowed to feel settled inside them. But life doesn’t need to be universally appealing to be deeply right for you, in fact, it only needs to be coherent to the person living it snd this is something I have had to learn slowly, and sometimes uncomfortably, over the years. I live a life that many people wouldn’t choose; I home educate my children, I live in a small, 650sq ft home by choice, I centre my days around home, rhythm, presence and ordinary life rather than constant expansion, I identify as a homemaker and I have opted out, where I can, from certain forms of pace, productivity and visibility. Not as a rejection of modern life entirely and certainly not because I think everyone should live like me, but because this is how I stay well inside the life I am actually living. And those choices are not meant to be persuasive (a very common assumption) they are simply mine and I speak to those who either associate with this way of living too, or desire to live in a similar way. I think that is where so much unnecessary tension begins. We assume that when someone makes a different choice, they must be making a statement about ours. * If someone home educates, it can be read as a criticism of school. * If someone stays in a small home, it can be read as a rejection of ambition. * If someone chooses a slower pace, it can be read as laziness. * If someone centres home, family or care, it can be read as regressive, especially for women, whose choices are so often treated as public property and moral declarations rather than personal decisions. But someone else’s inability to imagine themselves in your life is not a verdict on yours; it just means they wouldn’t choose it, it is that simple. And it’s also fine, they don’t have to. I wouldn’t choose lots of other people’s lives either. I can scroll through Instagram and see all sorts of lifestyles that make me think, “Absolutely not for me, thank you kindly”, but I don’t need to announce that in the comments section like a woman holding a clipboard at the gates of acceptable living, because it isn’t my life. And this is the bit we seem to forget… not everything needs our approval or agreement and not everything needs to be filtered through the lens of whether we personally would choose it. Sometimes another person’s life can simply exist. When I first started home educating, I noticed this very quickly. I had made the decision before my first child was even born, so it wasn’t sudden or impulsive. It was something we had thought about deeply. It was a long standing choice rooted in our values, our family rhythm and what we wanted for our children and yet even saying that can make people uncomfortable. Because if I say home education is the best choice for my children, some people hear, “School is the wrong choice for yours” and that’s not an assumption, I have literally had this accusation levied at me more than once. But that is of course not what I am saying… I don’t think every child should be home educated and I don’t think every parent has the capacity, desire or circumstances to home educate. I don’t think school is wrong for every child but I do think home education is
I think many of us are exhausted not because our lives are too small, but because we’ve been taught they should always be bigger, better, more remarkable, more productive and more visible.
Opting out is often presented as the answer isn’t it? The way back to yourself or the antidote to burnout. Or even the thing that will finally make life feel manageable again.