5 Things I Wish I Knew Before Becoming A Stepparent
Blended - Navigating The Blended Family ExperienceShow Notes
Talk about learning on the job! As stepparents we don't have all of the answers. In fact, there are times when it feels as if we have none. This comes with the territory. Five things that I wish I had known: Not all grown people are adults Heartbreak will become normal I am not defined by the failures or successes of my stepchild Teenagers kinda suck I can discern, but I cannot condemn We learn as we go, but it doesn't hurt to learn from the going of others!
More from Blended - Navigating The Blended Family Experience
It's more than likely that you've misinterpreted trauma for a hormonal outburst and vice versa. Eventully, running into this problem time and time again can be frustrating and cause us to walk on egg-shells. However, properly navigating reactions that resemble the last is possible!
It's hard to know who and what we're dealing with as we're raising our kids. One minute we're dealing with a composed and clear minded human being, and the next we're navigating emotional land mines without any idea of what the trigger may have been. When our kids have experienced traumatic events, they are bound to struggle in a number of ways and this will show up behaviorally. It gets even more complicated as they are going through the process of natural development which includes significant hormonal shifts on a regular basis. This presents an incredible learning curve for even the most informed parents. Listen in on how we've stumbled through our own journey!
There is such thing as a toxic coparenting relationship. While discomfort and challenge are common as we navigate the coparenting dynamic, being on the receiving end of what feels like an effort to make someone miserable is difficult for anyone. Taking the higher road may require our best effort as we resist being weighed down the effects of toxic behavior that impacts our own family as well as the child(ren). I know first hand that enduring this tug-of-war with your character in tact is nothing short of a miracle!
The co-parenting relationship can be challening to navigate in even the most civil scenarios. Which is why many of us are quick to throw out labels such as 'toxic'. Viewing the ex as the enemy makes sense though. It makes detachment easier and the opportunity to focus our frustrations in a particular direction can feel pretty good for a while. However, even if the label is justified, does it serve us to consider the other parent toxic? Does this perspective compromise our ability to hold up our end of the deal in the co-parenting relationship? Let's talk about it!
(Spoiler alert!!) The answer is yes and no... We as step-parents get better, and we get better at navigating family. As we accept the dynamics of our family that we can't change and deal with our insecurities, we become more confident and resilient. As we learn to prioritize what is most important and fight to get on the same page as our spouse, the uncharterd waters that used to overthrow you will become your stomping ground! So yes, it can get better ~ and so can you!