AUTHOR CHAT: Kerry Docherty's "Selfish"

Are you selfish?

“Selfish” is supposed to be the insult that ends the conversation, especially for women who were raised to be helpful, agreeable, and endlessly available. We sit down with author Kerry Docherty to pull that word apart and rebuild it into something sharper and more useful: self-awareness, honest boundaries, and the courage to admit what you want before you burn out trying to be “good.” Her memoir, Selfish, becomes the jumping-off point for a raw talk about what it costs to keep giving yourself away and why telling the truth can be both selfish and deeply generous.

We dig into the trap of likability and the ways girls learn early to smooth everything over, including their own anger and ambition. Kerry reflects on privilege and what she has learned from people who have had to live more openly because the world already judges them. We also get practical about modern “self-care,” from doomscrolling dopamine to the quieter work of choosing what actually makes you feel alive, plus what it looks like to model emotional language and bodily autonomy for your kids.

If this conversation makes you uncomfortable, we think that is the point. Subscribe for more author interviews, share this with a friend who needs it, and leave a review with the one boundary you are ready to set next. Purchase Selfish by Kerry Docherty Support the show: On Patreon Buy us a book Buy cute merch Subscribe to the Babes in Bookland Substack Thank you for listening! Xx, Alex

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Timestamps! Here are chapter timestamps for the Kerry Docherty episode, in your voice: 00:01 Welcome and intro to Kerry Docherty and Selfish 00:37 Pub day nerves and why Selfish had to come out into the world now 03:32 Landing on the title, from The Lazy Wife to The Selfish Wife to Selfish 05:19 The double meaning of "self ish" and who Kerry is still becoming 06:26 Kerry's editor telling her she needed to be more likable, and why that felt like a compliment 08:46 Unpacking the pressure to be likable and who gets to be free of it 11:58 Teaching her daughter not to shrink to fit 13:14 The two wolves story and turning the lights on in the dark basement 15:20 What's actually so wrong with being selfish? Reframing it as choosing what makes you feel alive 16:36 Setting boundaries with parents and the real cost of protecting yourself 17:53 Watching her mom move to India to become a yoga teacher, and what that shift revealed 19:26 Modeling selfishness for her kids by naming her own emotions out loud 21:10 The lie of selflessness as the path to a perfect life 22:00 Filling your own cup while the laundry piles up, and letting go of the shame math 25:36 Founding Faherty with her husband Alex and brother-in-law Mike, and the psychic who called it 27:20 Couples therapy over salary negotiations and the strain of family business 29:39 Meeting Bo at Coachella and the years-long emotional entanglement that followed 31:38 Longing, fantasy, and the unawakened artist Bo mirrored back to her 32:00 Did she ever consider leaving Alex? On survival mechanisms and always keeping an escape route 33:04 Reframing marriage from a contract for life to choosing each other every day 34:45 Selfishness and privilege, and why the white wellness industry got self-care wrong 36:04 The self is not an individual, community as the real antidote to loneliness 37:41 Early feedback on the book and what "brave" really means 38:31 Alex reading the book, and the intimacy that came from being fully seen 41:36 How Kerry stays hopeful 42:16 Her emotional support bad habit (dead things on the beach) 43:47 Where to find Kerry and how to buy the book Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.