Show Notes
In this episode, I sit down with my real-life friend Jessica, a pastor's wife whose story intersects with mine: her husband was a pastor at the very church that excommunicated me. What started as a conversation about her story turned into one of the most layered, honest episodes I think we've ever recorded.
Jessica spent decades being told her emotions were idols, her feelings weren't facts, and her needs were sin problems she needed to repent of. In this conversation, she shares what it took to finally see through that, what the long road out of a high-control religious marriage actually looks like, and why freedom sometimes takes many years to arrive even after the divorce papers are signed. Questions we cover: What does it actually take to leave when your abuser is also your pastor husband? Why do so many women choose the familiar over the safe? Is codependency just a fancy way to blame the victim? What does it look like when someone uses scripture as a weapon? What does a pastor's wife do when she can't tell anyone the truth? What actually happens when you let yourself grieve? What does it take to actually push yourself out? Get Today’s Free Resource:
🧐 Are you wondering what is happening inside your own painful and confusing marriage? I wrote a book just for you called Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage. Get a free chapter by going to isitmebook.com
I will also send you my weekly Hope Letters for Christian women in emotionally and spiritually abusive marriages.
More from Flying Free
My pastors told me that what I was experiencing for over two decades wasn’t serious enough to be called “abuse.” They said I had to be physically hurt for it to cross the line of “hard marriage” to “abusive marriage.” Their beliefs kept me spinning in a turmoil so great that I thought a lot about ending my life.
Today we welcome back Arizona family law attorney Wendy Hernandez to celebrate the release of her brand new book, Legally Ending Love, and to walk us through exactly what every woman needs to know before they file for divorce.
Today I’m going to tell you about the last of the three books I picked as the most life-changing for me so far. I was nervous to write this episode because the book is controversial in some circles, and even I was afraid to read it many years ago. I expected to confront all kinds of lies and heresies (this is what I was taught at my church!)
This is the second in a 3-part series where I’m sharing the top three books that have changed my life. Last week I talked about the book A Failure of Nerve by Edwin Friedman. This week I will talk about Altogether You by Jenna Remiersma. And next week…well, you’ll have to come back then to hear me talk about a VERY controversial book in conservative Christian circles, but WOW did it absolutely do a number on my chronic fear, shame, and anger. But for now - let’s dive into a book that helped me make sense of the contradictory thoughts I struggled with every single day. “I can totally do this!” “I could NEVER DO THAT!”
A lot of people got mad at me when I started to change over ten years ago. They got so mad, they booted me out of my church and my family. In this episode, I’m going to tell you about a book that changed the way I parent, lead, and show up in my own life.