BONUS: Interview - Daniel Sloss

A couple of weeks away from the show somehow produces a Spanish correspondent alter ego, while old fashion trends raise the question of whether terrible people can permanently destroy otherwise normal looks. Jeffrey Dahmer glasses are put on trial, Michael Jordan enters the evidence, and Ned’s Opa contributes a deeply confusing family photograph. Elsewhere, Ned gets a stack of stickers and questionable ideas about where to put them in Spain, James Bond locations enter the itinerary, fictional dogs battle for adoption supremacy, The Simpsons and Rugrats make compelling cases, a vocabulary lesson goes unexpectedly badly, movie theatre etiquette turns into a pepper spray incident, Josh remembers fleeing a chaotic house party through a window, ageing is described as a second puberty, and Lenny’s jowls spark questions about dog plastic surgery. Find us on Instagram @nedandjosh

Ned is somewhere in Europe trying not to get pickpocketed and yet has also developed an irrational rivalry with an extremely attractive office gardener. Car rotting might finally have a name. There’s also the childhood toilet accident that required a hospital visit, the argument for bringing back a little shame, annoying wannabe Twitch streamers, and the strange disappearance of celebrity embarrassment around doing commercials. Then there’s gambling advertising, Kevin Hart’s endless endorsement money, Formula 1 envy, the unfair economics of natural talent, Gordon Ramsay making cooking look significantly more profitable than an air fryer deserves, Daniel Ricciardo’s dream existence, International Batman Day, a missing Dark Knight Rises collectible, and the difficult task of assigning Batman characters to your own friendship group. Find us on Instagram @nedandjosh

Ned is heading back to Spain after 16 years, his dad is treating Barcelona pickpockets like an international emergency, the family is wondering whether this is their last big holiday together, and apparently Ned has the face of a very obvious tourist. The missing Tuesday episode gets explained, Raygun’s Netflix documentary puts her back in the spotlight, Jimmy Fallon attempts Vegemite, and school drop-off traffic introduces Josh to a neon green Porsche with some extremely specific styling choices. From old money versus new money to the HYROX athlete incident, Josh’s desperate bathroom close call in traffic, Pokémon cards becoming apocalypse currency and Canberra claiming the world’s best quality of life, there is plenty to work through. Find us on Instagram @nedandjosh

Dropping an episode has done exactly what basic maths suggested it would do to the podcast downloads, so Ned and Josh consider making one perfectly respectable episode people can safely recommend to friends. Josh finally discovers what The Mighty Mighty Bosstones meant by “knock on wood”, his wildly inconsistent intelligence gets examined, a business turns manual labour into adult PE, and Aaron Pierre’s physique in Lanterns provides some fairly compelling workout motivation. There’s charging-port lint to excavate, pimple-popping videos to banish, a 100-year-old World War II veteran receiving 4,000 birthday cards, and a search for the perfect person to congratulate every American centenarian. School brings Pythagoras theorem, homemade paper, stolen office supplies, one former radio worker becoming an AI success story, a maths teacher crushing some rare enthusiasm and an osmosis shortcut that immediately falls apart. Find us on Instagram @nedandjosh

A pre-show joke gets sent straight to the cutting-room floor, then Ned and Josh ask why Americans saying Melbourne correctly can somehow sound worse, whether Brisbane secretly needs a D, how four-year-olds turned “shut up” into top-tier profanity, why “crap” once became the terrifying C-word, and how Andy Griffiths introduced “rack off” to a childhood vocabulary. The NFL’s Melbourne visit brings the 49ers and Rams into the mix, Disney x NFL merch gets judged, and Piper’s 4.2kg arrival leads into the first time holding a newborn, paid baby photos and the claim that all newborns look alike. Then an MMA fighter insists he could beat a chimpanzee, Planet of the Apes gets rewritten for COVID, dogs catching COVID becomes a full argument, and “buoyed” returns as a disputed term. Find us on Instagram @nedandjosh