S4 E34 Don't Let the House Sink You — Divorce, Assets and the Decisions That Matter Most (Part 1 of 3)

Brilliant with everyone else’s money, and then yours comes along and you go all wobbly? You can run the household budget, stretch the grocery money to the last cent, look after the kids, check in on your ageing parents and balance the books at work. Then a refund lands in your account and your first instinct is to hand some of it back. Welcome to the money worthiness gap. It’s one of the most common money patterns, and it costs real dollars. In this episode of My Happy Money Journey, Phoebe Blamey, bestselling author, former mortgage broker and business coach, unpacks why so many capable women struggle to feel worthy of their own money. And what to do about it this week. Because worthiness grows when you take action. You do the worthy thing first, and the feeling catches up. What you’ll hear 🔍 Money is information. Why your bank balance is a fuel light on the dashboard, and how reading it with curiosity changes your next money decision. 💪 You don’t have to bleed for it. Exhaustion is a terrible payment method. How to receive money as fair compensation for your work, and say a simple thank you when it arrives as a gift. 🧠 Your money story might belong to someone else. “Money doesn’t grow on trees.” “Don’t get too big for your boots.” Where your inherited money beliefs came from, and how to choose which ones to keep. 🧾 Keep the receipts. A simple evidence folder that reminds you how capable you are, especially at 2am when your brain starts telling stories. ✨ Act worthy first. Small, slightly scary actions that build financial confidence faster than any affirmation. 🌀 Tapping for scarcity. The emotional freedom technique (EFT) Phoebe has used for years when scarcity creeps in. Your worthy thing for this week Pick one:

Becoming the Woman Who Owns Her Money Divorce can leave you feeling like you're starting again financially. But you're not starting from zero. You're starting with experience, knowledge and the opportunity to finally take control of your own money. In the final episode of our divorce series, we move from protection to rebuilding — and talk about what actually helps women create financial independence after divorce. We cover: • Why your financial recovery isn't about finding someone else• Building your own financial identity• Understanding your complete financial position• Checking your credit and accounts• Creating a financial buffer• Protecting your super• Investing in your earning power• Why financial knowledge compounds• Why you're never “too old” to rebuild• Turning money from something you fear into information you can use The big message? Recovery isn't rescue. Recovery is a skill. You don't need to know everything about money. You just need to start asking better questions, making your own decisions and taking the next step. You are not too old. You are not too far behind. And you are not starting from zero. Your future belongs to you. This episode completes our three-part series on money and divorce.

When the Numbers Don’t Add Up: Hidden Money & Divorce What happens when the financial picture your ex is presenting just doesn’t make sense? A bonus suddenly disappears. A successful business is suddenly worth almost nothing. There’s a mysterious loan to family. Or accounts and assets you never knew existed. In this episode, we look at some of the common red flags around financial disclosure during divorce — and what you can do when the numbers don’t add up. We cover: • Delayed income and bonuses• Suddenly struggling businesses• Overpaid tax• Loans to family or friends• Hidden accounts, assets and debt• Financial abuse• What information you should gather• When to ask your lawyer for deeper investigation You don’t need to become a forensic accountant. You need to know what questions to ask. Because you cannot claim what you can’t see. This is general financial information, not legal advice. Always speak with your family lawyer about your individual circumstances. This is episode two of my three-part series on money and divorce. Next up: rebuilding your financial life and becoming the woman who owns her money on purpose.

These four pieces of real advice printed for women who out-earn their husbands, including leaving the house without your wallet so he gets a turn at being the provider, blew my mind. Then I had a conversation with Prue who got up super early to walk the dogs and unstack the dishwasher, while Mr Prue slept soundly. This week, why capable women keep themselves small, what it is costing, and the question underneath all of it.... This is how it started... A research team went through ninety four newspaper and magazine articles written about women who earn more than their husbands, and pulled out what those articles told the women to do. Let him pay the bill at the restaurant. Leave the house without your wallet or your keys so he gets the opportunity to be the provider. Let him cover one particular family expense so there is a sense of purpose attached to his money. Play down your income and your success. Somebody was paid to write that. An editor decided it was reasonable. Some of it was published recently. Look at those four instructions together and they are all the same instruction. Make yourself smaller so you can stay where you are. That is what this episode is about. Not whether you can earn more than your partner, because clearly you can. What it costs you to be seen doing it, and the groups you are trying not to fall out of while you do. We talk about the marriage, the family you came from, the friends you have had for twenty five years, and the biggest group of all, which is the terms and conditions of being a woman with money in this country. There is a section for those of you who now earn more than your father ever did, because nobody tells you that this contains a loss as well as an achievement. Then there is Prue, who is made up like a mosaic of my favorite women in this situation. She runs a four million dollar cleaning business while unstacking the dishwasher at seven in the morning. She turned down two million dollars of work she was perfectly capable of doing. . I will be upfront that I do not have this fully solved. I have got a long way into it and I have got one thing I want you to do about it this week. What I want you to take away: protection is not a number. It never was. It is somebody's capacity to hold you, and that has nothing to do with what they earn.

We talk about the property boom all the time. We almost never stop to explain what it actually means for you. Go back to the 1960s. Your parents buy an ordinary house in an ordinary inner suburb of Melbourne or Sydney. They live in it their whole lives, never thinking of it as anything more than the family home. Then one day that house is worth two million dollars, and it lands on your kitchen table as an inheritance. So we get into the real research on what happens to a capable woman when serious money arrives, why our bodies read a windfall as a threat rather than a reward, and the five things you can do this week to become the woman who can actually hold it. This one goes deep, and it is coming for a lot of you sooner than you think. Where the wealth actually came from. The property boom explained properly, with the real numbers, and what it means that a whole generation got wealthy through their houses without ever learning a thing about managing wealth. Sudden wealth syndrome. The psychologists who named the cluster of guilt, anxiety and paralysis that shows up when money arrives fast, and why feeling it does not make you broken. The lottery study nobody talks about. What thousands of winners taught us about why a windfall postpones trouble instead of fixing it, and why the money was never the thing that needed fixing. Your money scripts. The beliefs you formed about money in childhood, before you were old enough to question them, and how one of them quietly runs the show the moment real money lands. What happens in your body. Why financial change fires the same alarm system as physical danger, floods you with cortisol, and dims the exact part of your brain you need to make a good decision. The five things to do this week to get ready before the money arrives.