~197~"When Your Child Is Diagnosed With ADHD or Autism: The Grief, Identity Shift & Parenting Reset" with Nadia Patel
Parenting Teens: Advice Redefined for Today's Complex WorldShow Notes
Parenting Teens Advice Redefined for Today’s World with Cheryl Pankhurst What happens when your child receives an ADHD or autism diagnosis—and suddenly the future you imagined for your family feels uncertain? In this deeply honest conversation, Cheryl Pankhurst talks with Nadia Patel, high-performance identity coach, speaker, and mother of two neurodivergent children, about the emotional side of parenting that doesn't get talked about enough. Because a diagnosis doesn't just change what you understand about your child. Sometimes, it changes how you see yourself. Nadia shares her personal journey through parenting ADHD and autism, including the shock of diagnosis, parental grief, burnout, fear about the future, financial and family pressures, and the realization that she needed to work on her own emotional regulation before she could fully support her children. And this conversation gets real. We talk about the thoughts parents may be afraid to admit: What does this mean for my child's future? What does this mean for my career? What will this do to our marriage? Will our family ever feel normal again? Those thoughts don't make you a bad parent. They make you human. But what we do with those thoughts matters. Nadia explains how shifting her own identity changed the way she experienced her son's autism and ADHD—and how she moved from seeing the challenges as something that was bigger than her to becoming someone who could hold both her family and the life she still wanted to create. Cheryl and Nadia also discuss why parents need to be careful about spending too much time in online parenting groups, consuming worst-case scenarios about autism and ADHD, and worrying about problems that may never happen. For parents of neurodivergent children and teens, this episode is a reminder that your child's diagnosis is not the end of their story—and it doesn't have to be the end of yours either. In this episode, we talk about: What parents may experience emotionally after an ADHD or autism diagnosis The grief that can accompany a diagnosis—and why talking about it doesn't mean you don't accept your child The difference between accepting your child and worrying about how the world will treat them Parenting burnout and why parental regulation matters How a parent's internal view of their child can influence the way that child experiences themselves The identity shift that can happen when you're parenting a neurodivergent child ADHD and autism parenting challenges How parents can hold space for their child's needs without putting their own dreams and identity on hold Finding practical support when you're overwhelmed Why asking for help is not failure The impact of neurodivergence on siblings, marriage, finances and family life Why online parenting communities can sometimes increase anxiety instead of reducing it The importance of staying grounded in the present instead of constantly worrying about your child's future Why your child's diagnosis does not mean you have to abandon the life you want A message for the parent listening If you've ever thought, “I don't know how we're going to do this,” you're not alone. And if you've had thoughts or feelings that you don't feel comfortable admitting out loud, that doesn't automatically make you a bad parent. You may simply need somewhere safe to process what you're carrying. As Nadia says, getting support for yourself can be one of the most important things you do for your child. And Cheryl's reminder throughout this podcast is simple: It's not them. It's you—and that's where the magic happens. Not because your teen or child is the problem. Because sometimes changing the way we understand ourselves, our children and the situation we're facing changes everything. About Nadia Patel Nadia Patel is a high-performance identity coach, speaker and mother of two neurodivergent children. Her work focuses on identity, self-belief, confidence and the internal shifts that can help people create meaningful change i
More from Parenting Teens: Advice Redefined for Today's Complex World
Video is not supported by this plan. Upgrade to add video files.
Episode 200: Celebrating 3 Years, 200 Episodes, and the Truth About “I Don’t Know” Welcome to a very special solo episode of Parenting Teens: Advice Redefined for Today’s World! Three years to the day since Episode 1 dropped (on her son’s birthday, October 13th), your host is celebrating a massive milestone with a raw, honest, and fired-up message for anyone sitting on a dream, a decision, or a hard conversation they keep avoiding. In this episode: Why this podcast has been the joy of her life, and the 180+ guests who became friends A heartfelt thank-you to her editor (and daughter) Gabby, who dared her to start in the first place Why we’re parenting in “uncharted territory” with social media, AI, devices, and a post-pandemic world The real reason she keeps saying “it’s not them, it’s you,” and why it’s not a judgment, it’s handing your power back Why you KNOW what your next step is, and why “I don’t know” is often fear in disguise The hard truth: sitting in the in-between is 1000% harder than making the leap How she went from terrified of public speaking to comfortable on camera, once helping people mattered more than her own nerves Why your story could be the thing a parent is Googling at midnight What she wishes she knew: you can’t negotiate with a red flag, trust your first gut instinct, and you don’t have to know everything to start Big announcement: She’s writing a book of real, heart-led stories on autism, drawn from the experts and guests who’ve appeared on the show Key takeaways: You don’t need to know every step, only the next one. Your story is someone else’s lifeline. Community means hearing each other out, even when we disagree. Your challenge this week: Name the one thing you’ve been brushing off. Then take one next step. She wants to hear about it! Connect with us: Want to be a guest? Reach out!
Is gentle parenting actually helping our teenagers develop resilience, or are we sometimes taking it too far? Welcome to WTF Friday on Parenting Teens Advice Redefined for Today's World — where we have the honest conversations about parenting teenagers that don't always fit neatly into a parenting book. In this episode, I'm questioning what happens when gentle parenting moves from acknowledging our teenagers' feelings to allowing those feelings to dictate our parenting decisions. Many parents grew up hearing things like, “You're to be seen and not heard,” or “I'll give you something to cry about.” Understandably, they want something different for their own children. They want their teens to feel heard, understood, and supported. But what happens when we swing so far in the opposite direction that we start removing boundaries, fighting our teenagers' battles, or trying to protect them from every disappointment? As parents of teenagers, we need to understand the difference between validating our teen's emotions and changing our decisions because they're upset. In this candid Friday conversation, I explore: Gentle parenting and teenagers: Why some parents have embraced this approach and where I believe it can go wrong. Validating feelings without giving in: How to acknowledge anger, disappointment, and frustration without abandoning a reasonable boundary. Teenagers and consequences: What happens when a teen fails a course without doing the work — and why rescuing them from every consequence isn't necessarily helping. Overprotective parenting: When stepping in to solve our teens' problems may prevent them from learning to manage difficult situations themselves. Building resilience in teenagers: Why our teens need opportunities to experience disappointment, frustration, and challenges while knowing we're in their corner. Parenting boundaries: How to hold a decision even when your teenager is unhappy with it. Raising confident, capable teens: The power of communicating, “I know this is hard, and I have faith that you can handle it.” My message isn't that our teenagers' feelings don't matter. They absolutely do. It's that their feelings can be valid without every feeling requiring us to change the rules, fix the problem, or make the disappointment disappear. Our job isn't to make our teenagers' lives free of frustration. It's to help them develop the confidence and skills to navigate life when things don't go their way. And sometimes, one of the most powerful things we can tell our teens is this: “I know it sucks. And I believe you can handle it.” Let's talk: Has gentle parenting gone too far, or are we simply learning to parent differently from the generations before us? Where do you draw the line between validating your teenager's feelings and holding a boundary? Share your thoughts. I genuinely want to hear this conversation. 🎧 Listen, reflect, and join the conversation on Parenting Teens Advice Redefined for Today's World.
Are We Raising Capable Teens—or Making Life Too Easy for Them?
#ParentingTeens #TeenParenting #ExecutiveFunctioning #ADHDParenting #NeurodivergentTeens #TeenMentalHealth #TimeBlindness #ParentingADHD #TeenDevelopment #ExecutiveFunctioningSkills #ParentingSupport #NeurodivergentParenting #ParentingPodcast #Teenagers #EducationalAdvocacy Have you ever wondered how your teenager can spend hours gaming, scrolling TikTok, or hanging out with friends—but somehow can't get ready for school, start their homework, remember what they need, or get out the door on time? And then you find yourself thinking: “They can do it when they want to. So why won't they do it?” What if the problem isn't motivation, laziness, defiance, or not caring? In this episode of Parenting Teens: Advice Redefined for Today's World, I sit down with Dr. Anna Levy-Warren, licensed clinical psychologist, speaker, founder of Organizational Tutors, and an expert in executive functioning, to unpack what's really happening underneath these everyday struggles. With more than 20 years of experience working in psychology and education—and as a parent herself—Anna brings both professional expertise and lived experience to this conversation. What you'll learn about executive functioning Executive functioning isn't one single skill. It's an interconnected set of cognitive processes that help us manage things like: Working memory Self-regulation Mental flexibility Planning Task initiation Decision-making Time management Attention Organization Goal-setting And when these skills are developing differently, the impact can show up everywhere—not just at school. Why can your teen remember every song but forget three instructions? We talk about the difference between long-term memory and working memory, and why a teenager can remember an incredible amount of information but still forget what you just asked them to do. “Go get ready for school” might sound like one simple instruction to a parent. For a teen with working-memory challenges, it can actually contain a whole series of steps that are difficult to hold onto and execute. Is your teen experiencing time blindness? If you're sitting in the car with the engine running while your teenager is still inside getting ready, this part of the conversation is for you. Anna explains time blindness and why some teens don't experience time in the same way their parents do. We talk about: Working backwards from a deadline Building in extra time Using alarms and visual reminders Creating routines collaboratively Reducing verbal reminders Helping teens build their own systems rather than constantly managing them Stop calling it laziness One of the biggest themes in this conversation is the difference between “won't” and “can't yet.” A teen may genuinely want to do something and still struggle to initiate it, organize it, estimate the time required, or shift away from something they are deeply engaged in. And yes, your teen may be able to play video games for three hours. That doesn't necessarily mean they are capable of transferring that same level of attention and executive functioning to a math assignment. Motivation isn't the whole story We also challenge the idea that a teenager is simply “motivated” when they want to do something and “unmotivated” when they don't. Adults work this way too. There are things we can do for hours because we enjoy them—and things we procrastinate on despite knowing they need to be done. So what happens when we stop treating our teenagers like they're deliberately making our lives difficult and start looking at what support the task actually requires? Your teen's chronological age isn't necessarily their developmental age A 16-year-old is chronologically 16. But their executive functioning skills don't necessarily develop in a perfectly linear way. Your teen might be incredibly mature in one area and need significantly more scaffolding in another. We talk about why parents need to look at the developmental skill required by the task, rather than simply assuming that a teen