FREE RESOURCE to Increase Understanding & Support for Autistic & ADHD Students

PDA in Autistic & ADHD Kids: Demand Avoidance + 5 Strategies That Help What if an autistic or ADHD child's "NO" isn't defiance? What if they're actually overwhelmed, anxious, or afraid? You ask your child to put on their shoes. A teacher asks a student to open their book. A therapist suggests an activity. And the response is an immediate "NO!" Or maybe the child freezes, walks away, or says, "I can't." It's easy to interpret these responses as defiance, oppositional behavior, or a child choosing not to cooperate. But what if we're misunderstanding what's actually happening? In this episode of The Autism ADHD Podcast, I'm talking about PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance), also called Pervasive Drive for Autonomy, and sharing five neurodiversity-affirming approaches to support autistic and ADHD children and teens who experience significant demand avoidance. For some children, everyday requests can trigger intense anxiety and a fight, flight, or freeze response. And when adults respond with more pressure, rewards, or consequences, things can get even harder. The goal isn't compliance. It's to understand what's happening and help children feel safe, supported, and understood. In this episode, you'll discover: Why PDA and demand avoidance are often mistaken for defiance or oppositional behavior. Why traditional behavior strategies, including rewards and consequences, can sometimes backfire. What may be happening when a child freezes, refuses, or says, "I can't." How everyday demands, sensory experiences, and expectations can contribute to overwhelm. Why understanding a child's capacity is essential—and what happens when adults don't listen. Five practical approaches to reduce pressure, support autonomy, and build trust. What parents, teachers, and therapists can say differently to encourage collaboration instead of power struggles. Whether you're a parent, therapist, counselor, psychologist, social worker, or educator, this episode will help you look beyond the behavior and better understand the child in front of you. "When we change how we understand a child's behavior, we change how we respond." - Holly Blanc Moses, The Mom/Neurodivergent Therapist __________________________ For therapists, counselors, and psychologists Want to strengthen your neurodiversity-affirming clinical practice? I've created continuing education trainings specifically for mental health professionals who want practical approaches for supporting autistic and ADHD children and teens. Explore my continuing education trainings WANT Neurodiversity-affirming school accommodations? You'll love the 135 School Accommodations for Autistic & ADHD Students Guide! The guide includes practical, neurodiversity-affirming supports for executive functioning, academics, sensory needs, emotional regulation, social support, self-advocacy, and more, with examples of each accommodation. PLUS - 3 student examples Parents, click here for the Guide Therapists, click here for the Guide JOIN MY FACEBOOK GROUPS Parents click here Therapists click here Learn about my private practice - North Carolina Center for Autism and ADHD 🙋🏻‍♀️ Join me on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube ❤️ If this episode helped you, please follow The Autism ADHD Podcast, share this episode, and leave a five-star review. Your support helps me continue creating free neurodiversity-affirming resources for parents and professionals. About The Autism ADHD Podcast Hosted by Holly Blanc Moses, a neurodivergent therapist, psychologist, mom, and speaker, The Autism ADHD Podcast offers neurodiversity-affirming information and practical strategies for parents, therapists, educators, and other professionals supporting autistic and ADHD children and teens. We explore autism, ADHD, emotional regulation, anxiety, mental health, executive functioning, sensory differences, friendships, social interaction, school support, and more. This podcast is for educational and informational pur

"Just for Attention"? Why This Assumption Hurts Autistic & ADHD Kids and How to Help "How can they expect me to stay invisible? It's not like I can just stop existing." An autistic ADHD boy said those words to me in my office. After decades of working with children and teens, it's still one of the most heartbreaking moments I've experienced. He wanted friends. He wanted to be included. He wanted someone to notice him. But his classmates called him annoying. And adults told other children to ignore him because he was "just doing it for attention." What if the behavior we're calling attention-seeking is actually a child desperately trying to connect? And what happens to an autistic or ADHD child's self-esteem and mental health when their attempts to connect are repeatedly misunderstood, criticized, or ignored? In this episode of The Autism ADHD Podcast, I'm challenging one of the most common assumptions adults make about children's behavior—and sharing why it can be especially harmful to autistic and ADHD kids and teens. I'm also sharing something personal: I've made this assumption myself. This isn't about blaming parents, teachers, or therapists. It's about recognizing how easily we can misunderstand what a child is communicating—and learning how to respond differently. In this episode, you'll learn: Attention-seeking vs. connection-seeking: Why a child's behavior may reflect a need for belonging, friendship, or support. The hidden impact of "just ignore them": How this common advice can contribute to social rejection, loneliness, and shame. Autism, ADHD, and self-esteem: How repeated criticism and being labeled "annoying" or "too much" can affect a neurodivergent child's sense of self. Why social skills need to go both ways: How parents, therapists, and educators can help all children better understand different ways of communicating and connecting. The importance of finding their people: Why shared interests can create meaningful opportunities for friendships and belonging. Healthy boundaries without rejection: How to teach children to communicate their needs while still treating others with respect. Five practical strategies: What to do instead of immediately labeling a child attention-seeking or telling others to ignore them. One important perspective shift Instead of asking: "How do we stop this attention-seeking behavior?" What if we asked: "What might this child need, and how can we help?" That small shift can open the door to understanding, collaboration, and more meaningful support. Because attention isn't a problem. Attention is a need. And no child should have to choose between being invisible and being annoying. Whether you're a parent of an autistic or ADHD child, a therapist, counselor, psychologist, educator, or another professional supporting neurodivergent children and teens, I hope this episode encourages you to look beyond assumptions and become curious about the child in front of you. If this episode resonates with you, please share it with a parent, teacher, therapist, or someone else who supports autistic and ADHD kids. These conversations matter, and we can help change how we understand and support children. For therapists, counselors, and psychologists Want to strengthen your neurodiversity-affirming clinical practice? I've created continuing education trainings specifically for mental health professionals who want practical strategies for supporting autistic and ADHD children and teens. Explore my continuing education trainings DOES YOUR CHILD OR CLIENT NEED HELP AT SCHOOL? You'll love the 135 School Accommodations for Autistic & ADHD Students Guide! The guide includes practical, neurodiversity-affirming supports for executive functioning, academics, sensory needs, emotional regulation, social support, self-advocacy, and more, with examples of each accommodation. PLUS - 3 student examples Parents, click here for the Guide Therapists, click here for the Guide J

What if the "behavior" you're seeing isn't simply behavior? When an autistic or ADHD child suddenly becomes more irritable, anxious, withdrawn, aggressive, avoidant, or emotionally dysregulated, it's easy to focus on what we can see—and how to make it stop. But what if the behavior is actually a clue? In this episode of The Autism ADHD Podcast, I'm joined by my dear friend Dr. Purnima Valdez, a developmental-behavioral pediatrician and Associate Professor in the Department of Pediatrics at Duke University Medical Center. Together, we explore medical, emotional, and environmental factors that may contribute to changes in behavior in autistic and ADHD children and teens—and why some of these concerns can be surprisingly easy to miss. Because even a child who speaks fluently may not be able to recognize, interpret, or communicate: "Something doesn't feel right in my body." Instead, we may see irritability, anxiety, withdrawal, aggression, avoidance, emotional dysregulation, or other changes in behavior. And that's where curiosity becomes incredibly important. In this episode, we talk about: • Why behavior can be important information—not an explanation • Sleep difficulties, fractured sleep, snoring, and sleep apnea • How poor sleep can affect behavior and emotional regulation • Headaches and migraines in neurodivergent children and teens • Constipation, GI discomfort, and changes in behavior • Interoception and difficulty recognizing or communicating what's happening inside the body • Medication side effects—including side effects that may appear after a child has taken a medication for some time • Eating, nutrition, safe foods, and restrictive eating patterns • Anxiety, sensory overwhelm, school demands, and environmental stress • Why "they're just trying to get out of class" may be the wrong conclusion • How assumptions about behavior can unintentionally add shame to an already struggling child • Why looking for patterns can help us better understand what a child may be experiencing • When parents may want to involve their child's pediatrician or other healthcare professionals • Why collaboration between parents, therapists, educators, medical professionals, and the child or teen matters One of my favorite perspective shifts from this conversation is simple: Maybe our expectation is off. We often expect children to tell us exactly what's wrong. "My stomach hurts." "I have a headache." "I didn't sleep well." "Something feels different." But autistic and ADHD children may experience, recognize, and communicate what's happening inside their bodies differently. That doesn't mean they aren't communicating. We may need to get better at recognizing how they're telling us. And when a child is struggling, instead of immediately asking: "How do we stop this behavior?" we can become curious and ask: "What might be happening that we haven't understood yet?" This episode is especially important for parents of autistic and ADHD children, therapists, counselors, psychologists, educators, and other professionals supporting neurodivergent kids and teens. Please share it with someone who needs this reminder: sometimes the behavior we're trying to change may be one of the most important clues we have. FOR THERAPISTS, COUNSELORS & PSYCHOLOGISTS Want to deepen your neurodiversity-affirming work with autistic and ADHD children and teens? I've created continuing education trainings specifically for mental health professionals who want practical, neurodiversity-affirming strategies they can use in their clinical work. Learn more about my continuing education trainings: hollyblancmoses.com/cetraining DOES YOUR CHILD OR CLIENT NEED HELP AT SCHOOL? You'll love the 135 School Accommodations for Autistic & ADHD Students Guide! The guide includes practical, neurodiversity-affirming supports for executive functioning, academics, sensory needs, emotional regulation, social support, self-advocacy, and more, w

Are they really refusing—or are we expecting their brain to do something it can't reliably access in that moment? Executive functioning differences can look like laziness, carelessness, defiance, lack of motivation, "not listening," forgotten homework, unfinished assignments, meltdowns, or complete shutdown after school. But those "behaviors" may be telling us a very different story. In this episode, you'll learn: Why "try harder" often misses the real problem How working memory affects classroom performance Why multi-step verbal instructions can fall apart Why kids may complete assignments but never turn them in Why some neurodivergent kids are completely depleted after school How visual directions, checklists, chunking, routines, and external supports can help Why accommodations are about access—not special treatment Helpful ways to think about support in IEP and 504 meetings The goal isn't to make neurodivergent kids try harder. It's to give their brain what it needs. 🎒 Need school accommodation ideas? You'll love the 135 School Accommodations for Autistic & ADHD Students Guide! The guide includes practical, neurodiversity-affirming supports for executive functioning, academics, sensory needs, emotional regulation, social support, self-advocacy, and more, with examples of each accommodation. Parents, click here for the Guide Therapists, click here for the Guide Join me in my Facebook Groups! ➡️ Parents click here ➡️ Therapists click here Learn about my private practice - North Carolina Center for Autism and ADHD 🙋🏻‍♀️ Join me on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube Please leave a review! Your 5-star reviews help other families and professionals find The Autism ADHD Podcast. Thank you:) About Holly Blanc Moses: Holly Blanc Moses is an AuDHD psychologist with 28 years of experience. She is a speaker, consultant, continuing education provider, and host of The Autism ADHD Podcast, Autism ADHD TV, and parent masterclasses. About The Podcast The Autism ADHD Podcast is for parents and professionals who want a neurodiversity-affirming approach to supporting autistic and ADHD children and teens — with a focus on emotional regulation, executive functioning, mental health, and connection.

Could One Page Change Your Child's School Year? A Free Tool to Help the Adults in Their World Truly Understand Them If you're the parent of an autistic or ADHD child, you know how exhausting it can be to explain your child to every new teacher, therapist, physician, coach, tutor, or camp counselor. You hope they'll understand your child's strengths, communication style, sensory needs, executive functioning challenges, and what helps them thrive—but those conversations don't always happen the way you'd hoped. In this episode of The Autism ADHD Podcast, I'm introducing a brand-new FREE resource designed to make those conversations easier. The Get to Know My Child Snapshot is a one-page, fillable tool that helps the adults in your child's world understand who they are before assumptions, misunderstandings, or unnecessary struggles begin. Whether your child is autistic, ADHD, or both, this practical resource can help create stronger relationships, reduce anxiety, and support better outcomes at school, in therapy, at medical appointments, during extracurricular activities, and beyond. As a psychologist who has spent nearly three decades supporting neurodivergent children, teens, and their families, I've seen firsthand how understanding changes everything. When adults understand why a child communicates differently, struggles with executive functioning, experiences sensory overload, or responds in unexpected ways, they're far more likely to respond with compassion, support, and effective accommodations instead of frustration or correction. In this episode, you'll learn: Why autistic and ADHD children often begin the school day already feeling anxious or overwhelmed. How misunderstandings can increase anxiety, self-esteem challenges, and school avoidance. Why communication differences are often mistaken for defiance, disrespect, or lack of motivation. How sensory differences and executive functioning challenges affect learning, participation, and emotional regulation. Why understanding a child's strengths is just as important as understanding their challenges. How therapists can use the Get to Know My Child Snapshot to support self-awareness, self-advocacy, and collaboration with families. How one simple tool can help teachers, therapists, physicians, coaches, tutors, camp counselors, and other caregivers better support autistic and ADHD children. What's Included in the FREE Get to Know My Child Snapshot? Your download includes: Three one-page fillable PDF formats. Completed examples to make completing the Snapshot simple. Sections for strengths and interests. Communication preferences. Executive functioning. Sensory needs. Emotional regulation. Social interaction. Helpful supports and accommodations. Behavior as communication. It takes about five minutes to complete and can be updated as your child grows and their needs change. This Episode Is Perfect For: Parents of autistic and ADHD children and teens. Mental health therapists, psychologists, counselors, occupational therapists, and speech-language pathologists. Teachers, school counselors, and other educators. Pediatricians and medical professionals. Coaches, tutors, camp counselors, caregivers, and anyone who supports neurodivergent children. Download Your FREE Get to Know My Child Snapshot Parents Click Here If you're getting ready for a new school year, beginning therapy, meeting a new physician, starting a new activity, or simply want the important adults in your child's life to better understand them, download your FREE Get to Know My Child Snapshot today. Therapists, are you ready for real, neurodiversity-affirming continuing education trainings? If you thought, "YESS!" CLICK HERE. About The Autism ADHD Podcast The Autism ADHD Podcast provides neurodiversity-affirming information for parents, therapists, educators, and other professionals supporting autistic and ADHD children and teens. Each episode combines practical strategies, curren