Show Notes
I'm going through a 'life phase' right now where I'm learning and doing and trying a bunch of new things.
Some days I feel a bit frustrated that I didn't know some of these things sooner, or that I have never done something like this before, or that I'm as old as I am and this is all new to me.
And then I cut myself some slack because it's not like there's a manual for all the things we need to know in life.
It's very much the same when it comes to the social world. There is no manual for how things work socially. This is why I don't believe in there being a 'right' or 'wrong' way to do things.
I have learned, however, that there are strategies and techniques that are more likely to lead to the outcomes we want, and those that are less likely to do so. Here at Starfish, I teach students the strategies that are more likely to lead to better relationships with others.
In this week's podcast/YouTube episode, I'm sharing the things we as adults misunderstand about our kids making friends including some things I have done myself in my 'former life'! My goal with this episode is to help all of us be a little more aware of how we may actually be making it harder for our kids, and what we can do instead.
Here's a clip from the episode:
I think it's really important that, if we as the adults have a goal, a desire, a wish, a dream for our kiddo to have more friends, that they also have that goal or desire or wish or dream, even if they're not consciously aware of it. It may be things that you've heard your child say. Maybe you've heard them mention that they don't have friends. Or maybe you've heard them make comments about how other people have friends, maybe they've noticed that. Maybe they don't talk about the word 'friend' specifically, but they talk about feeling lonely or feeling left out or feeling different.
These are all things our kids may say that help us recognize that they're feeling a lack of connection to their peers. So it doesn't have to be that they've specifically talked about friends, but just that we've noticed they have noticed that they're feeling a bit disconnected from their peers. That's what we're looking for. If you don't notice that in your kiddo right now, it's okay. It may just be the phase of social development that they're in right now that they don't really notice or recognize that they don't have friends.
More from Social Skills is Canceled
Once upon a time, there were autistic, ADHD, and anxious students who struggled with thinking about others during conversations. Sometimes they would say things that hurt other people's feelings or were perceived as rude or disrespectful, or even things that other people didn't really want to talk about or hear about. Sometimes these students would stop listening when people talked about things that they didn't care about. Sometimes they would even tell people they weren't interested in what the group or the person was talking about. I created the lesson I'm sharing today for all of these students. In this lesson, our students learn what a social filter is, how it's different than lying, and when and why using a social fake is a good idea. We also practice taking some of our common complaints that we might have and turning them into problem-solving opportunities.
Once upon a time, there were autistic, ADHD, and anxious students who didn't know how to initiate a social conversation with someone that they knew. Some students weren't able to think of something that the person they were talking to liked or liked to talk about, so they ended up using generic conversation starters like, "Hey, what's up?" Or, "How's it going?" Some students were able to think of things they knew about the other person, but they didn't know how to use that information to start a conversation, so they didn't say anything. I created the lesson I'm sharing this week for all of these students. In this lesson, students learn the difference between an informational and a social conversation, and how to initiate a conversation with someone they know based on things they know about them.
Once upon a time, there were autistic, ADHD, and anxious students who didn’t recognize that there were some things that should be ‘alone behaviors’, or things we do whenwe are by ourselves. Some students had developed habits around ‘picking’, likepicking their nose, picking their skin, and/or picking at their pants or underwear. Other students didn’t realize that most people don’t want tohear someone burp or fart, so they didn’t know how to respond when they did it accidentally, OR they didn’t put any effort into trying to not do these things in front of others. And then there were students who often complained to others, even about situations and experiences that those around them were also going through at the same time.
Once upon a time, there were autistic, ADHD, and anxious kids and teens who struggled with staying on topic during a conversation. Some of the kids in this group continued talking about something, even when it was clear to everyone else that no one was interested in continuing to talk about that topic. Some students changed the topic every time they asked a question, unaware that others in the group had a hard time keeping up with all the changes and randomness, and that it really wasn't a conversation, it was more like an interview. And some of the kids had a hard time recognizing when others changed the topic, so they continued making comments about topics that the group had moved on from. There were also students in this group who got frustrated when the topic changed, because they still wanted to keep talking about that topic, and so they weren't able to change and shift with the group when the topic changed, as it always does. I created the lesson I'm sharing this week for all of these students. In this lesson, students learn how and when to change the topic appropriately, why they or others may choose to change the topic, and how to handle topic changes that they weren't wanting or expecting.
Once upon a time, there were autistic, ADHD, and anxious students who didn't know that there are stages or levels between strangers and friends. Sometimes these students treat people they kind of knew like they were strangers, not acknowledging them when they saw them. Sometimes they didn't know how to engage in small talk with people they kind of knew, so interactions were pretty awkward. And some students thought everyone they knew was their friend, which meant they were often too friendly or too personal with people they only kind of knew. And the reality is that most people in our lives are people we only kind of know. I created the lesson I'm sharing on this week's podcast for all of these students. In this lesson, I teach students that an acquaintance is someone we recognize from somewhere or something. We usually know their name, but not always. This can include students in our class or our group, neighbors, teachers, and friends of our parents. We also talk about what the social expectations are when we are around acquaintances, like small talk and introductions to other people.