
Why You Keep Spending When You Know You Shouldn’t | BPD & Impulsive Spending
BPD Diaries: Stories and Science with SteffShow Notes
Why can spending money feel like emotional relief when you have BPD? You feel empty, lonely, rejected, angry or overwhelmed. Then you see something you want. And that little voice says, "Buy it!" In this episode, I explore the complicated relationship between BPD, impulsive spending, emotional regulation and shame. I look at why spending can become a way of escaping emotional pain, filling chronic emptiness, extending a good mood or even trying to buy a different version of yourself. This episode is about understanding why the spending happens and what we can actually do about it.
🌱 Have questions, stories, or something you’d like us to cover? We’d love to hear from you. Email us at [email protected] and let’s keep the conversation going. 🎧 Looking for meditations made for emotional regulation, BPD, and more? Check out Empowered Heroes Meditations on Spotify. If you’d like more support in your journey toward BPD recovery, Steff offers 1:1 sessions using evidence-based tools from DBT, Schema Therapy, and Mindfulness to help you heal. Email for a free 30-Minute Consultation: 📩 [email protected] or check out the website: www.bpdsupport.org
Free financial support resources: UK: StepChange Debt Charity - https://www.stepchange.org | National Debtline - nationaldebtline.org Ireland: MABS (Money Advice and Budgeting Service) - mabs.ie Australia: National Debt Helpline - ndh.org.au | 1800 007 007 US: National Foundation for Credit Counseling - nfcc.org | CFPB- consumerfinance.gov
📚 Referenced Research Includes: American Psychiatric Association. (2022). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed., text rev.). https://doi.org/10.1176/appi.books.9780890425787 Carpenter, R. W., & Trull, T. J. (2013). Components of emotion dysregulation in borderline personality disorder: A review. Current psychiatry reports, 15(1), 335. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11920-012-0335-2 Glenn, C. R., & Klonsky, E. D. (2009). Emotion dysregulation as a core feature of borderline personality disorder. Journal of personality disorders, 23(1), 20-28. https://doi.org/10.1521/pedi.2009.23.1.20 Kujovic, M., Bahr, C., Riesbeck, M., Benz, D., Deiß, M., Margittai, Z., ... & Meisenzahl, E. (2025). Effects on impulsivity and delay discounting of intermittent theta burst stimulation add-on to dialectical behavioral therapy in borderline personality disorder: a randomized, sham-controlled pilot trial. Borderline Personality Disorder and Emotion Dysregulation, 12(1), 2. https://doi.org/10.1186/s40479-025-00278-3 Lieberman, M., Eisenberger, N. I., & Crockett, M. J. (2007). Putting feelings into words: affect labeling disrupts amygdala activity in response to affective stimuli. PsycholSci18 (5): 421–428. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-9280.2007.01916.x Ott, C. A., Voce, A., Grinband, J., Lopez-Castro, T., Fertuck, E. A., Stanley, D. A., & Lempert, K. M. (2025). The borderline personality disorder feature of identity instability predicts temporal discounting in a community sample: An exploratory study. Personality Science, 6, 27000710251374485. https://doi.org/10.1177/27000710251374485 Sansone, R. A., & Wiederman, M. W. (2012). Spending too much: Relationships with borderline personality symptomatology. International journal of psychiatry in clinical practice, 16(4), 316-318. https://doi.org/10.3109/13651501.2012.693186 Starcevic, V., & Khazaal, Y. (2017). Relationships between behavioural addictions and psychiatric disorders: What is known and what is yet to be learned?. Frontiers in psychiatry, 8, 53. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyt.2017.00053 Zac, A., Huang, Y. C., Von Moltke, A., Decker, C., & Ezrachi, A. (2025). Dark patterns and consumer vulnerability. Behavioural Public Policy, 1-50. DOI: https://doi.org/10.1017/bpp.2024.49
More from BPD Diaries: Stories and Science with Steff
Is Medication the Best Solution for BPD? In this episode, I sit down with Professor Joanna Moncrieff, Professor of Critical and Social Psychiatry at University College London and practising consultant psychiatrist, for a conversation that challenges some of the assumptions about mental health, psychiatric diagnosis and medication. Joanna's work has challenged the idea that psychiatric drugs work by correcting an underlying “chemical imbalance” in the brain. So what does that mean for people with BPD? Content note: This episode discusses psychiatric medication, depression, suicide, trauma and mental health diagnoses. ⚠️ This episode is for education and discussion, not medical advice. Please don't stop or change any medication without talking to your prescriber. Some medications can cause withdrawal effects if stopped suddenly. 🌱 Have questions, stories, or something you’d like us to cover? We’d love to hear from you. Email us at [email protected] and let’s keep the conversation going. If you’d like more support in your journey toward BPD recovery, Steff offers 1:1 sessions using evidence-based tools from DBT, Schema Therapy, and Mindfulness to help you heal. Email for a free 30-Minute Consultation: 📩 [email protected] or check out the website: www.bpdsupport.org
I Was Hospitalised Again and Again. Then I Discovered DBT What does recovery from BPD actually look like? In this deeply honest conversation, Debbie DeMarco Bennett, better known as Debbie Corso, author of Stronger Than BPD and founder of DBT Path, takes us back to the years when her life was dominated by intense emotions, chaotic relationships, suicidal thoughts and repeated psychiatric hospitalizations. Debbie talks openly about being misunderstood and misdiagnosed, the stigma surrounding BPD, her eventual diagnosis, and the moment DBT began to change the course of her life. Debbie also talks about her concerns about the potential risks of the growing reliance on AI for emotional support and why she wants to be part of shaping how we use it safely. This is a conversation about BPD, DBT, recovery, hope, lived experience, stigma, relationships, AI and what it means to build a life worth living.
What if the label everyone's afraid to give a teenager is the one thing that could save their future? Professor Joost Hutsebaut has spent a career working with young people on the edge of a diagnosis most clinicians won't touch: borderline personality disorder (BPD). In this episode, Joost explains why he wrote a paper called The Diagnosis That Should Speak Its Name, arguing it's ethically right to diagnose personality disorders in teens. We dig into where a "difficult personality" ends and a disorder begins, the real risks of stigma versus the risks of staying silent, and how his own philosophy - "make therapy simple again" - reshaped the way he practices. He also honestly answers some of the internet's most asked questions. Whether you're a clinician, a parent, or someone who's ever been told to "wait and see," this conversation reframes early diagnosis as an act of hope, not a life sentence.
Whether you've just been diagnosed with BPD or have been living with the diagnosis for years, deciding whether to disclose it can feel overwhelming. Should you tell your partner? Your family? Friends? Your employer? Or is it safer to keep it private? In this episode, I explore one of the most common and emotionally difficult questions people with BPD ask. 🌱 Have questions, stories, or something you’d like us to cover? We’d love to hear from you. Email us at [email protected] and let’s keep the conversation going. 🎧 Looking for meditations made for emotional regulation, BPD, and more? Check out Empowered Heroes Meditations on Spotify. If you’d like more support in your journey toward BPD recovery, Steff offers 1:1 sessions using evidence-based tools from DBT, Schema Therapy, and Mindfulness to help you heal. Email for a free 30-Minute Consultation: 📩 [email protected] or check out the website: www.bpdsupport.org
Helping young people with BPD is 'sexy.' Helping older adults? Not so much. That's the ageism we need to talk about. In this episode, I'm joined by Professor Arjan Videler - Professor of Psychotherapy in Older Adults at Tilburg University, senior researcher at PersonaCura in the Netherlands, and one of the world's leading voices on BPD across the lifespan. We cover: • The 19-year life expectancy gap for people with BPD • What BPD actually looks like at 70 • The advantage older adults have for recovery • The ageism in mental health • How schema therapy and STEPPS are being adapted for older adults • What 'positive schemas' are and why they matter And somewhere in the middle, there's a story about a glass of expensive wine in Central Park, a psychologist named Theodore Millen, and how the DSM ended up categorical instead of dimensional. This is a quiet, profound episode about a population that has been largely invisible in BPD research and public conversation. If you're 40 or 70, it doesn't really make a difference. It's never too late to heal.