A Future With Hope // The Life That Almost Wasn't, Part 5

The lies that the world tells us about ourselves – who we are, who we aren't, who we should be – you know all that stuff – we'd like to think they don't have any impact – water off a duck's back. But that's just not true. Sticks and stones aren't the only things that break our bones – because words do truly hurt us. I don't know if you've been able to join us so far on the program this week but I'm joined again today by my special guest in the studio, Mike Ricchini who has an amazing life story. We've been walking in his shoes for a bit, understanding what God's been doing in his life. Born as the second child of a fifteen year old mother and removed from her care by the authorities, into foster care where he really wasn't loved, finally adopted by white parents and growing up in white schools in America, as a Hispanic kid looked down upon, taunted by his friends. This guy has every reason to have a bitter and twisted outlook on life, don't you think? This guy has every reason to be angry or withdrawn or whatever and yet God's doing an amazing work in setting him free from the past. Okay, it's a work in progress, but today I want to have a look at specifically the lies that God's set him free from because so often in our lives it's the lies that we've been told about ourselves that rob us of having a great life, it's like the world is perpetrating this huge fraud on us. I remember coming out of my teen years with a total lack of belief in myself, without a balanced outlook of who I was and who I wasn't and what I was capable of and what I wasn't. It's something that would haunt me for another twenty years or so before God started setting it right. Berni: Mike welcome again today on the program. Mike: Thanks. Berni: Huge to have you here. I guess you've had a chance to really look back, to think about, to reflect on the impact of your childhood on your life today. Can I ask you, out of everything that went on what's the single biggest hurdle, what's the single biggest disappointment, what's the single biggest impact on your life? Mike: I think the biggest thing for me is just being adopted, it's honestly something that unless you've been adopted it's hard to cope with. It's hard to understand and adoption pretty much puts a sign above you that says you weren't loved and humans run by love, if we're not loved we die, if we're not loved then we're going to stop believing good stuff about ourselves, we're only going to believe negative things about ourselves. And having that sign over my head my whole life I automatically believed negative things about myself. Berni: Even though, I mean you said the other day on the program that your adoptive parents are your heroes in life and the love that you experience from them was massive but it still somehow didn't erase that sense of 'I'm a second class citizen because I'm adopted'. Mike: No, it never will unless you really forgive the original source and for me it would be my biological mum and I never erased or forgave my mum and because of that the hatred and the hurt is still there. Berni: So how do you stop living that hatred? How do you stop feeling that disappointment? I mean when the rubber hits the road what is it that changes things for you? How do you start getting set free from the past? Mike: What set me free was knowing that God loves me and that was ... Berni: It sounds corny doesn't it? I mean you say it like that, "well you know I know that God loves me" and someone might be listening and say, "Boy! That's a corny line." Tell me why it's not a corny line. Mike: It's not because it's true and it's a hard thing to understand because you go to Church every single Sunday and say God loves you but many humans don't understand what true love is. Most of my life sadly I was addicted to pornography and so I was giving into love that doesn't really exist, love that you see through a screen and so I didn't really know what God's love looked like. That's a love that no

This week on the program, I'm joined by a special guest Mike Ricchini – who had one of the most difficult starts in life and a tough childhood as an Hispanic Kid in a white neighbourhood in America –and today he's going to be sharing how it was that his life took a turn for the better. The last couple of weeks on the program we've been chatting about the fact that the lies that the world and people tell us about ourselves: who we are, what we're capable of, what we're not capable of, who we should be. Those lies are so powerful they can destroy our lives, there's such power in words. And over the last couple of days and again today I'm joined by my very special guest, Mike Ricchini, who had so many lies thrown at him. Born as the illegitimate child of a fifteen year old girl, her second child, bumped around, in foster care onto adoption, white parents. But he's Hispanic and that was a huge deal at school as we saw yesterday on the program. And it's not just his life, you see it's your life and my life too. I remember I was short and dumpy. I was no good at sport, couldn't run fast and in Australia where sport is our national religion that's going to draw some enemy fire. I remember as I headed into my late teens and early adulthood I had a terrible self image and the way that I coped with that was through anger and through rolling over the top of people with this apparently amazing self confidence which was really nothing more than a protective mechanism against the hurts of the past. It's something that's taken me a lifetime to unlearn. So that's me, what about you, something for you to think about? But right now because he's sitting here in the studio with me we're going to chat with Mike Ricchini about him. Berni: Mike, welcome again to the program. Mike: Thank you. Berni: And I want to start off by asking you, that as you look back on all the stuff that you went through in those early years, the family that was meant to love you, the foster family that didn't love you and then being adopted in a family and learning to be loved, how did that impact on how you saw yourself, your self image, your understanding of who you actually were? Mike: Honestly, it was destroyed. I didn't have a self image most of my life. I viewed myself as worthless and I viewed myself as nobody, I didn't have a place in this world. I often asked God, 'God why am I here? Why did you bring me into this world? Why am I suffering right now?' I've gone through trial after trial throughout my life and I keep asking God. Sadly I've tried taking my life several times just because I feel like I'm nobody; I don't have a name in this world. I felt going through school, through sports that I'm Mr Nobody, I'm not good at anything. I've had those lies thrown at me my whole life – you're not going to succeed, you're not good at anything – and I believed them. Berni: Because there's a lot of power in those lies isn't there? There's a lot of power in the lies that people, circumstances and society tell us and as you've just shared that my hunch is that a lot of people listening today totally relate to what you're talking about. See this is stuff we don't talk about to other people right? But when we feel worthless the fact that you tried to take your life a couple of times says to me how powerful those lies really were. Tell me really what it was like growing up as a Hispanic kid with white parents in a white neighbourhood? Mike: It was weird. Berni: Because you've got an Italian surname right? So you're Hispanic with Italian adoptive parents, Italian surname. Boy, that must be a weird mix. Mike: Because I'm Hispanic, you know typically you're supposed to be able to speak Spanish but growing up in a white family I don't know Spanish at all. I would love to be able to communicate with them but now I'm in a white family, I don't even look like my parents at all so it's funny going around and people say, 'Are these your kids?' or stuff like that. There's a

So many of the lies that the world tells us, society tells us – people tell us – end up messing around with who we are. Messing around with our lives. Racial tensions, the stigma of adoption – that'd have to affect you in your later years wouldn't it? Exciting week this week on the program because we're following up on what we've been chatting about over the last few weeks. It's the fact that all the lies that the world throws at us about who we are and who we're supposed to be, how we're meant to conform to this model or that model of success, with all those lies, well a lot of damage gets done to us on the inside. It's like eating bad food all the time and it makes you sick and these lies, they start pretty early on in life. In fact often it's the lies we were told when we were young, when we were children and in our teens that do most of the damage and live with us throughout the rest of our lives, robbing us of all that God has intended. Today, I'm joined again by my special guest on the program Mike Ricchini who was the second child of a fifteen year old – I was about to call her a woman but girl really – and after abuse and stuff had a pretty rocky road in those early years. If there's anyone who has an excuse to be bitter and twisted over the past it's Mike. And the reason I've invited him to join me this week on the program is just to share his story, his journey and I guess the healing that God's brought into his life, his difficult life over recent years. Berni: Mike welcome again to the program. Mike: Thank you. Berni: Great to have you here. I've heard you speak about how you came into this world, your mother was fifteen, your father was thirtyish, you were born into an abusive situation, It was a really difficult time and then pretty early on you found yourself in foster care. I guess most of us don't think too much about foster care, tell us what those two simple words mean to you. Mike: When I look back on foster care I just see it as a transition time between the family that's supposed to love you and a family that does love you and when I remember foster care I don't remember being loved. I know they had me in their house, for the most part it just seems like families that have you in their house just because their kids have gone away to university or to college or moved out and so they want younger kids in there just to feel a sense of not being lonely anymore. Berni: You were only in foster care for about a year right? Mike: Yeah it was only a year. Praise the Lord I was in foster care with my two other siblings which is very rare but I don't remember getting food very much, just weird breakfasts, pancakes or syrup or donuts and I don't remember feeling like their rules or I had to do stuff, I just felt like do whatever you want, just live the life you want and there's no boundaries, it was as if they didn't care about us in a way. Berni: That must have really impact a young kid. Mike: Yes. When I look at my family now, there're little kids in there now and they have rules and I can't imagine living the life that they have right now without rules because there's no guidance, there'd be no direction and as a young kid you look up to those in authority over you. Berni: Yeah. But eventually you were adopted out, what does adoption feel like? Again most of us have never experienced adoption, what does that feel like to you? Mike: Well it was the third family I'd been in because of my birth mum, foster care and then adoption, it was the third family in four years and as a young kid you know what's going on, you know the transition, you know you're moving from house to house. Berni: You can remember that right? Mike: Yes and it's very hard on the inside because you often blame yourself or blame many other people. I often blamed my mum for all the bad stuff and even to this day I was blaming my mum and it messes with your head because you have that sense of rejection, that nobody cares about you. Tha

Imagine starting out life as the baby of a 15-year-old mother, with a drug habit … growing up bumping from one uncaring foster home to the next – when you grew up that sort of a past would mess with your head wouldn't it? Every now and then God makes a divine appointment for us, have you noticed that? What appears to be a random decision or a chance twist or turn in life, all of a sudden you run into a God moment and go, "wow". It happened to me the other Sunday. I woke up, said to my wife Jacqui, "Hey, I feel like going and visiting the Oyster Bay Baptist Church." That's the Church I first went to about seventeen years ago now. It seemed like a good idea; Pastor Phil is a great guy, great teacher, so off we went. Kind of to my disappointment it wasn't a regular service and it turned out Phil wouldn't be teaching, there were some young folk from YWAM - Youth With A Mission visiting and leading the service and this young guy Mike got up to preach, I thought this would be interesting. Well can I tell you something? What he had to say and how he said it just blew me away, what a preacher! And the thing that really made my hair curl is after the service I found out this was the very first time he'd stood up to preach. Unbelievable! And his life story, more to the point. His life story is one that's going to make your hair curl. So today, and indeed for the rest of this week we're going to be joined by Mike Ricchini who's going to share his story which I guess is like a live case study of what we've been talking about this last couple of weeks on the program which is knowing the truth because it's the truth that's going to set you free. Berni: Hi Mike, welcome to the program. Thanks for your great message last Sunday. Mike: You're welcome there. Berni: How old are you? Mike: I'm twenty. Berni: You're twenty? I was twenty once a long time ago. So we're going to share a bit of your journey today, in fact over the coming week but today I'd like to start with the beginning of your life, tell us about that, where were you born, your parents, how did all that happen? Mike: I was born in 1991 in Miami Florida. I was born to a fifteen year old girl, she already had a baby ten months earlier so I was her second child and I really don't know how old my father was, I think he was a little younger than thirty at the time when she had me but they never really knew how to take care of me, just a young girl and you can just imagine the stress that involved not even knowing how to take care of kids or anything like that. So when they had me I was born two months early, premature and there was a battle whether she keep me alive or put me down just because of the inexperience that she had. Berni: So yours was the life that almost wasn't. Mike: Yes. So praise the Lord they ended up letting me live and I was able to talk to my mum a couple of weeks ago and she said she had made the decision to let me live so I'm very grateful for that. And then after living out of cars, motels for a couple of months they moved up to Maryland which is just east of Washington DC in the States and I grew up there for about a year before I was taken from her with my two other siblings and put into foster care. Berni: And that's because she had a drug habit. Mike: Drugs, abuse, malnutrition, other sorts of stuff. Berni: It's not your perfect start in life is it? Mike: Not really, no. Berni: So you have met your birth mother? Mike: I have a couple of times and she just found me the other day on Facebook. Berni: Ah cool. Mike: Yeah. Berni: So what was that like, meeting your birth mother after all those years? Mike: My first time meeting her was a few years ago and that was probably the scariest moment of my life up to that point. Just knowing that your mum was about to come in there, the lady that brought you into the world was about to step into the room and you don't have really any idea what she looks like, what she sounds like, you don't really h

When the people around us start behaving badly, as they invariably do, we sometimes want to use that as an excuse for us to end up stooping down to the same level. And at the end of the day – that just doesn't work. We pretty much all understand the concept of the lowest common denominator. You look across a group of people and you pitch your message or your idea or whatever at the lowest common denominator. TV does that all the time. It dumbs down the complex issues of life. It turns values into spin, people into stereotypes. And you know something? We do it too. We have a tendency to pitch our approach or our behaviour or our principles or our ethics at the lowest common denominator. We can be in a group of people, say at work, and we can have the best intentions, the best ethics. But when things start getting competitive or feral, when people start tearing one another apart (as they do in work situations), we want to stoop down to that level and get involved. Principles, ethics – out the window. It's the law of the jungle buddy. Kill or be killed. This is the last program in a four-week series that I've called, "Living the Life God Always Intended". Living life to the full, living a life of deep satisfaction, of peace and contentment, even through the bad days, and the good days. God has a plan. God has a plan for your life, God has a plan for my life. It's a good plan. It's a plan of blessing, it's a plan of peace, it's a plan of joy, it's a plan of love, a plan of grace. And for me, it's all about getting close to Him. I used to think it was self-help, hard work, trying to change myself and it doesn't work! Change this, change that in me. It would last a while but I'd always end up going back to my bad habits. I'm as smart as they come but I discovered I couldn't change me. And then when I met Jesus, finally the penny dropped. Duh! It's about getting close to Him. It's about drawing close to God and spending time with Him in the morning. I'm a different person after that. His living water just washes over me, it's fresh, it's life, it's peace and I can go into that jungle and you know, I don't much feel like devouring people anymore. Being first, being top dog, winning is no longer my number one priority. I love that saying that "It's a dog-eat-dog world and there's plenty of dog to go around". Some people just live to win: to beat others, to make money, to be the top salesman, whatever. Don't get me wrong, I think it's great to set goals and to achieve things. But when we get this competitive spirit, this spirit that says, "I have to win at all costs and if you have to lose in order for me to win, then so be it. I'm going to devour you and chew you up." When we live life like that, it doesn't bring us peace and joy and satisfaction. Now, we may not naturally be like that but we get into that sort of environment and other people tend to drag us down. We want to become one of the pack. I used to have a saying, "Don't get angry; get even." And finally God gave me a revelation. If you live that sort of life you won't have God's peace, won't have God's joy, and won't have God's satisfaction in life. When we tread on people and beat them and defeat them and drive them into the ground, come on, where's the joy in that? Where's the peace in that? Whatever happened to living the life God always intended? And when other people are behaving badly we have this tendency to behave badly too; not to let them drag us down. We rationalise that. We say, "Well, I need to protect myself." Jesus said: He who lives by the sword will die by the sword. (Matthew 26:52) Paul the Apostle in Galatians said: Don't grow tired of doing what's right because we will reap a harvest in due time. (Galatians 6:9) When other people are off their rockers and behaving badly that's precisely the time to be different. One of the things I learned in seventeen years of consulting in the IT industry, is that behaviour is often situational. In other word