EP 696: Situationship Hell: Why Is Dating So Hard Right Now Pt. 3

You can text someone all day and know their entire childhood story, and still never feel close to them. We have more information about attachment than ever before, and somehow we’ve never been harder to reach. In this episode, I’m getting real about the emotional unavailability crisis: what emotional availability actually is, and why dating apps, social media, and even therapy speak are making it so hard to find. Here’s the part that might sting a little. Emotional unavailability doesn’t only live in the person who pulls away, and I know this because I used to be the one who swore I was the most available person in the room. Awareness is just step one, though, and I’m not leaving you stuck there. Inside the Episode: Why anxious attachment can make you just as emotionally unavailable as the person who disappears (plus the moment someone I was dating asked me, “Do you even know the real me?”) Five quiet signs you’re with someone who’s emotionally unavailable, even when they’re saying all the sweetest things The one shift that changes who you attract: consistency over intensity

Is what you’re getting enough to grieve what you’re not? My friend Sabrina Zohar is back on the show for round three, and this time she’s bringing her brand new book along. We talk about the night she sent 173 texts (her count stopped there because her phone kept refreshing), the programming that made her believe she was too much and not enough at the same time, and the moment she lost the person she was most afraid of losing. Here’s what I love about Sabrina: she will hold your hand and call you out in the same breath. If you’ve been reading every attachment book out there and still keep picking the same unavailable person, this conversation is going to land hard. Buckle up, because Sabrina does not sugarcoat. Inside the episode: Why your brain keeps choosing the “hell it knows” over the life you actually want, and the deadlift metaphor that finally explains it The one thing nobody wants to hear about healing, and why accepting it is what sets you free What healing looks like when you’re partnered with a secure person (spoiler: you still get triggered, and that’s a good sign)

Have you ever been more devastated over someone you almost dated than someone you actually dated? Maybe it was only a few dates. Maybe it was never official. You still find yourself rereading the texts, checking their stories, and comparing everyone you meet to a relationship that never actually existed. I’ve been there, and there’s nothing wrong with you. Today we’re kicking off a brand new series on why love and dating feel so hard right now, starting with limerence and romantic obsession through an attachment lens. The truth is, you may not be obsessed with them at all. You may be obsessed with what being chosen by them would finally prove about you. Inside the Episode: Why “just enough” connection is more addictive than a real relationship, and the cycle that keeps you hooked How limerence shows up differently for anxious and avoidant attachment (avoidants, this one might surprise you) The poem I wrote a guy on date number two, plus the questions I wish I’d asked first

What if secure attachment was never something you had to earn? This episode has been on my heart for months, and I'm so glad it's finally here. So many of us walk around saying "I'm anxious" or "I'm avoidant" like it's a life sentence. But you weren't born with an insecure attachment style. You were born with an attachment system designed for secure love, and everything else was a brilliant survival strategy you picked up along the way. Today I'm sharing why healing isn't about becoming someone new. It's about coming home to who you were always meant to be. Inside the Episode: The quiet way your attachment style becomes your identity, and the lies it starts telling you about love Why I look at people with 40-year friendships and think, "Wow, how wealthy are you?" A client story that still gives me goosebumps, and what it proves about how far healing can really go

You can know exactly what a healthy relationship looks like and still find yourself sending that third text. Awareness matters, but it was never going to be enough on its own. In Pt. 1 we did the belief work, in Pt. 2 we worked with your nervous system, and today we're putting the rubber to the road with what secure attachment actually looks like in your behaviors with real human beings. If you've been beating yourself up for not changing fast enough, this episode is going to give you a whole lot more compassion and a whole lot more clarity. Here's the truth I want you to hold onto: you don't become securely attached by finding the perfect person. You co-create it by showing up differently in a relationship that has the capacity to support it. Inside the Episode: The one behavior every single client I've worked with struggles with (and why it may be quietly blocking the love you're asking for) Why support can backfire, and the simple question that changes how your partner shows up for you How to tell the difference between an old attachment wound and a relationship that truly doesn't have capacity