The Challenges of Meltdowns and Shutdowns

We have changed the account we will be using for Season 2, so please check out the first episode and subscribe at: https://anchor.fm/neurodiverse-love or check out the link in our bio on Instagram @neurodiverse_love

During this episode Mona, Olga and Manecia talk about how we have dealt with our emotions SO differently then our neurodivergent partners, and discuss the impact this has had on our relationships. When we have shared our emotions and feelings with our current or past partners, they might respond by shutting down, looking very confused, or appear indifferent. Understanding and coming to terms with how differently our partners processed our emotions has been a challenging journey, however, during this episode we have some epiphanies that may help others. We discuss how important it is to understand that the way in which our partners may have showed they care about us is very different then we may have wanted or expected them to react, when we would get emotional. Sometimes we need a hug, at others times we need calming reassurance that "everything is going to be okay" and we may expect our partners to "read our minds" about what we need. No matter what, (paraphrasing Oprah), we want to know that our partners "hear us" "see us" and "understand us" and we talk about some of the ways in which neurodiverse couples may be able to achieve this. We hope you gain some insight from our mistakes, and the lessons we have learned on our neurodiverse journey's.

In this episode, we talk about what we did do, as well as what we didn't do, to take care of ourselves in our neurodiverse relationships. We also delve into why acknowledging and letting ourselves feel and work through our emotions is SO important. Even though both partners may have different ways of expressing their emotions, we talk about the importance of understanding and experiencing your emotions in the ways that are healthy and healing for you (and don't cause harm to others). Lastly, we talk about the ways in which we have grown in our relationships and how important it is to empower yourself, create boundaries and take time for "you", even when you feel like you're putting everyone else first.

During this episode we talk about how important emotional reciprocity is to the neurotypical partner and how each partner needs to create their own happiness, instead of relying on the other to be their only source of fun and happiness. We also talk about some of the ways in which each partner can get their needs met through respectful. loving communication. In addition, we talk about the challenges couples may have because of unresolved trauma from undiagnosed autism and how that can have an impact on the neurodiverse relationship.

We are so excited to share this episode with our listeners. Kate and Clark have been married for 9 years and in October, 2020, Clark was officially diagnosed as autistic. During this episode, this neurodiverse couple share openly and honestly about the ups and downs of being in a ND Love relationship. They share how they met, what attracted them to each other, what it's like to receive an ASD diagnosis as a married adult with two children. They also talk about how they are learning to handle communication challenges, the importance of emotional reciprocity, more effective ways to address meltdowns and shutdowns, the importance of time alone, and how being in a ND relationship is a lot like speaking two different languages and always trying to translate in your head, so you "get it right".