
EP.22 Is Masturbation Wrong for Christians? A Thoughtful Conversation on Discernment
Dating and Desire PodcastShow Notes
Bridgett Blood and Lauren Mathues step into one of the most tender and often misunderstood conversations in Christian sexuality: masturbation, self-pleasure, and how adults make embodied, faithful decisions. With warmth and nuance, they name the range of perspectives people often carry, from “always wrong” to “always empowering,” and invite listeners into a more honest conversation about story, Scripture, the Holy Spirit, and what it really looks like. The depth of this conversation comes from the way they refuse to separate theology from lived experience. Our bodies, histories, wounds, shame, curiosity, and longings are all present when we talk about sexuality. For some, this topic touches abuse, loneliness, purity culture, pornography, confusion, or fear. For others, it raises questions about freedom, agency, healing, and what it means to live with integrity. Bridgett and Lauren offer a framework that moves beyond rule-making and reaction. They talk about discernment, personal conviction, embodied awareness, the difference between pleasure and escape, and the importance of asking whether our practices are leading us toward connection or away from it. Their invitation is not to bypass God or the body, but to listen more deeply to both as part of formation and wholeness. What to pay attention to is the fruit of your choices. Are you becoming more connected to God, yourself, and others, or more hidden, isolated, and self-protective? Are you honoring your body with kindness, or using pleasure to avoid the risk of being known and cared for? These questions help create a path toward discernment, clarity, and a deeper trust in your own story.
Watch this episode on YouTube
Mentioned in this Episode Bridgett’s free guidebook, 19 Ways to Engage Sexual Joy Pure Desire: Groups and Clinical care for unwanted sexual behavior and betrayal trauma for men and women She Recovery: women porn recovery resources Tabbitha Westbrook: healthy sexuality after abuse
If something in this episode resonated with you, here are two ways to go deeper depending on what you need:
🩷 Work with Bridgett You don’t need more rules. You need a deeper understanding of your sexual desire.If you still feel confused about how to navigate dating without shutting down or crossing your boundaries, Bridgett helps you build sexual self-trust and honor your values → RECLAIM Cohort 📓 Free Guides and Ecourse → Instagram → Website
💙 Work with Lauren If you’re feeling unsure what to do next— whether that’s meeting people, choosing who to pursue, or trusting your judgment in dating, Lauren helps you move forward with clarity and confidence. → Work with Lauren → Coming in July: The Mid-Summer Dating Reset→ Book a Dating Clarity Call We’ll look at your specific situation and map out your next step. 📔 Get the free guide Dating Apps Don’t Have to Be Confusing → Instagram → Website
Have more questions? Email us at [email protected]
More from Dating and Desire Podcast
Can you actually stay friends with an ex, or with someone you’ve hooked up with? A listener question gets Lauren and Bridgett talking about what happens when a romantic or sexual connection ends but the other person is still part of your church, friend group, workplace, or everyday life. Rather than giving one rule for every situation, they talk through what matters: how serious the relationship was, how intertwined your lives became, what kind of connection you’re hoping to have now, and whether staying close is actually helping either person move forward.
Cedric Dale Hoard, mental health therapist, spoken word artist, and author, joins Lauren and Bridgett to talk about the messages Christian men often receive about desire, lust, masculinity, and relationships. Drawing from his work with men and his own experience, Cedric looks at how purity culture can leave men ashamed of attraction or afraid of desire without helping them understand what may be happening underneath it.The conversation gets practical about what healthier dating can look like. What do you do when someone you like is not ready for physical affection? How can a man say no to sexual attention without feeling weak? What is the difference between attraction and lust? Cedric talks about emotional regulation, boundaries, vulnerability, and learning to express disappointment without turning it into pressure or manipulation.They also talk about male friendship, loneliness, and what happens when men begin to let safe people really know them. For men who want to date and love well, this episode offers a way to move beyond shame without pretending desire does not exist. And for women who care about the men in their lives, it offers a fuller picture of the emotional work many men are doing to become healthier partners, husbands, fathers, and friends. WATCH THIS EPISODE ON YOUTUBESHOW RESOURCESThe Head & The CrownAnchored In LightCONNECT WITH CEDRIC HOARDWebsite: https://cedricdalehoard.comInstagram: @cedricdalehoard If something in this episode resonated with you, here are two ways to go deeper depending on what you need:
Being single for a long time changes the way you build your life. You learn your routines, make your own decisions, carry your own responsibilities, and often become very good at doing life on your own. Lauren and Bridgett talk about what happens when you genuinely enjoy the life you have built but still want someone to share it with.
Dr. Camden Morgante, psychologist and author of Recovering from Purity Culture, joins Lauren and Bridgett for a conversation about dating after deconstruction and what it looks like to rethink the beliefs you inherited about faith, sexuality, and relationships. Drawing from both her clinical work and her own purity culture experience, Camden offers a hopeful reminder: you do not have to have your faith completely figured out before you can date, connect, and keep discovering what you believe.
Kendra LeeAnne Kuntz, a gospel-centered Bible teacher and writer, joins Lauren and Bridgett for a conversation about divorce, healing, and what it means to risk your heart again after an abusive marriage. Drawing from her own story, Kendra shares how well-meaning Christian teaching about purity, submission, and marriage shaped the way she understood herself, and why it took leaving her marriage to begin recognizing some of what she had been living through as abuse.