239. Why does trying to fix negative thoughts make them stronger?

What if the goal isn’t to change kids’ thoughts, but to change how they relate to them? In this episode of Overpowering Emotions, Caroline introduces cognitive diffusion, a practical skill that helps kids step back from overwhelming thoughts instead of getting pulled into them. You’ll hear why trying to challenge negative thinking can backfire, how naming thoughts like “Perfectionist Paula” or “Worry Wanda” creates instant space, and how simple, playful techniques can reduce emotional intensity quickly. This episode gives you language you can use in real moments. It also shows how modeling this skill helps kids build confidence and handle hard situations without getting stuck in self-doubt. If you’re supporting kids who say “I’m not good enough” or “I’m going to fail,” this episode offers a different way to respond.

Homework Activities

Focus for the week: Help kids create space from their thoughts

1. “I’m having the thought that…” Guide kids to say: “I’m having the thought that I’m going to fail.” Use it yourself out loud during the day.

2. Name the thought Create characters like Worry Wanda or Perfectionist Paula. Ask what that part is saying.

3. Repeat the word Pick a word like “failure.” Say it fast or slow until it loses its punch.

4. Change how it sounds Use a silly voice or sing the thought. Optional: use the Suno app to turn it into a song.

5. Third-person shift Try: “Alex’s brain is telling him…” This helps kids step back.

6. Model it daily Say your process out loud: “I’m having the thought that I don't have enough time, so I’m making a plan.”

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Want to learn more about helping kids strengthen their emotion regulation skills and problem-solving brains while boosting their confidence, independence, and resilience? Check out my many training opportunities! https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/upcoming-events/