Will you notice me? What children learn from how we respond to their distress
The Voice of Early ChildhoodShow Notes
What if children's distress is not just a problem to solve, but a signal of their need to be seen? This article and podcast episode explore how children's expectations about availability and effectiveness of support from close others develop through repeated interactions with multiple caregivers. Using a psychological lens - in particular looking at attachment theory - we explore how educators and parents/carers can shape these expectations of care through their everyday responses to children's distress. Read the article here: https://thevoiceofearlychildhood.com/will-you-notice-me-what-children-learn-from-how-we-respond-to-their-distress/ This episode is in partnership with BookedIn BookedIn is a CPD booking platform that connects organisations with verified speakers, trainers and consultants – so you can find the right fit faster, based on your brief, audience and outcomes. You can discover, compare, and manage bookings in one place – designed to help you book with more clarity and confidence. Whether you're booking CPD or are a speaker yourself, they're opening early access soon, and if you want to be first to hear when it's live, join the waiting list today! To find out more and sign up to the wait list visit: https://waitlist.bookedin.online/
Listen to more: If you enjoyed this episode, you might also like: ● An introduction to John Bolwby - https://thevoiceofearlychildhood.com/an-introduction-to-john-bowlby/ ● An introduction to Mary Ainsworth - https://thevoiceofearlychildhood.com/an-introduction-to-mary-ainsworth/ ● Unconditional positive regard in early childhood: What we can still learn from Carl Rogers and Mister Rogers? - https://thevoiceofearlychildhood.com/unconditional-positive-regard-in-early-childhood-what-we-can-still-learn-from-carl-rogers-and-mister-rogers/ ● Understanding the impact of childhood trauma and how to develop trauma-informed practices - https://thevoiceofearlychildhood.com/understanding-the-impact-of-childhood-trauma-and-how-to-develop-trauma-informed-practices/
Get in touch and share your voice: Do you have thoughts, questions or feedback? Get in touch here! – https://thevoiceofearlychildhood.com/contact/
Episode break down: 00:00 – Welcome and episode focus 02:05 – Understanding distress as communication 04:14 – Why children's distress can be misunderstood 05:55 – Can you notice me? 06:57 – Repeated interactions and attachment 10:08 – Secure base script knowledge 10:46 – How children learn whether support is available 12:30 – Scripts, shortcuts and everyday experiences 15:10 – What attuned responses look like in practice 16:45 – Opening the gates of learning 17:55 – Acknowledging distress 19:57 – Feeling seen before setting limits 20:13 – Acknowledging feelings, not validating behaviour 21:34 – Sensitive limit setting 21:50 – Multiple caregivers and attachment networks 22:12 – Moving beyond one primary attachment relationship 23:54 – The role of educators and professional caregivers 25:54 – A village of caregivers 26:24 – Patterns over perfection 26:41 – Good enough care 29:30 – Children need patterns, not perfect adults 29:54 – Current research and longitudinal findings 32:30 – Secure base script knowledge and later wellbeing 33:26 – Supporting parents and the network of care 35:08 – Reflecting on the long-term impact of early relationships 36:19 – Responding to distress over time 37:17 – Intergenerational patterns of care 37:36 – A key shift in mindset 37:47 – From fixing the problem to being there 38:57 – Closing reflections and thanks
For more episodes and articles visit The Voice of Early Childhood website: https://www.thevoiceofearlychildhood.com
More from The Voice of Early Childhood
This article and podcast episode explore how young children develop Fundamental Movement Skills through repeated, varied experiences and attuned adult guidance. Dr Leanne Jaye highlights the balance between structured support and child‑led exploration, the impact of movement on confidence, communication and social connection, and the crucial role practitioners and caregivers play in shaping high‑quality, enjoyable movement opportunities.
Children need more than provision; they need emotionally present adults who help them feel safe, understood and valued. Drawing on his work with children with complex and neurodivergent needs, his journey as a dad, and his book More Than A Father, Opeyemi Ogunmadeko explores what emotional presence can mean for parents, carers and early childhood educators.
Apprenticeships are often viewed as an entry route for young people, but they can also provide a valuable pathway for developing and retaining existing early years staff. This article and podcast episode explore how apprenticeships can support career progression, strengthen workforce skills and help settings invest in the practitioners they already have.
What does it really mean for a child to be 'school ready', and are the expectations we place on children actually informed by evidence? Adam Marycz explores how policy, accountability and long-held assumptions can shape early childhood practice, questioning the push towards formal learning and considering how educators can keep children's development, individuality and play at the centre.
This podcast episode and article are a research-informed exploration of how outdoor environments, adult language and risk narratives shape children's agency. Drawing on the Reimagining Outdoor Learning Toolkit, we examine how educators can move beyond checklists, embrace managed risk, and create outdoor spaces where children's autonomy, confidence and curiosity can genuinely flourish.