Show Notes
Snag is a nasty wee story that includes violence and discussion of sexual assault. It’s flippant, provocative, and probably downright brutal. But that’s up to each individual to decide. So if you think you’re better off skipping this story — then you should. I’ve supplied a text for it below, and the audio recording is up above. You can read it, or read along with the the recording, or just listen. You can, as I said above, just skip it all entirely. Your choice.
Despite the fact that the Best Man said one word far too many times in his speech, it had been a good wedding. ‘Notwithstanding.’ You were glad to have been there. However, it really did bug you all the same. This word. It wasn’t even quite being used correctly. And Christine in her black dress staring a dagger right at you while you winced through that speech was an obvious sign there was more to come. At the end of the night, drunk, she would not be standing. That was partly her own fault, and maybe you had something to do with it too. She tried some sort of ornery lap dance, some sort of ‘getting even’ shtick for some imagined slight. She slid across your knee, the dress like wetted wax paper, and then this grotesque lick of your face, from the bottom of your chin up to the corner of your left eye in a cartoon exaggeration of slow crawl. Well, you just took the two hands you had and pushed her onto the floor where she sat like a bag of spuds. And your wife Olivia, appalled, would later describe the situation as barbaric for all — those watching, those in it, and even those that would go on to hear about it. But your wife also thought Black Dress was almost asking for it, said the whole look of her was like a sausage trying to slip its casing, or was it a sausage unaware it was slipping its casing? At any rate, you said “snarler” and laughed your way into a snort. “You probably didn’t need to push her quite so hard, Jimmy,” your wife said, in the taxi, heading home to your rented accommodation. “I mean, it was quite a thud. Did you really have to use both hands?”“Olivia, I’d have used more hands if I could,” you said. Another snort. And with that, as if suddenly triggered, the realisation that Archie would be up in three or four hours, and will want the full degustation: Bluey, PAW Patrol, and Peppa Fucking Pig. Olivia was a saint, they all said it. Behind your back. As well as right to your face. How on earth did she put up with you and all your antics? But you knew that Olivia knew that the real Jimmy wasn’t for anyone else. The real Jimmy was just for her. And for Archie now of course too. This other Jimmy smeared peanut butter all down the cupboards while making two thick sandwiches before bed, kicked one shoe out the window of the Airbnb. Woops! And ripped his tie off so quickly that the top button went with it. Also, only one cufflink on final count. You would sway through the new day, wasps in your throat, and a need to constantly scratch at your head. You would watch the cartoons with Archie, and then when he went back down, if he went back down, you would get a second wave of sleep too. You weren’t a bad guy. You just could not say no to the open bar. How, you wondered, could anyone say no to the open bar? “Who was that woman in the black dress?” Olivia stood at the top of the stairs. “I mean, she was awful, but she really set you off?” “Just someone from uni.” “Just someone?” “No. Not like that. Literally just someone. Part of the wider gang, obviously, I mean she was there at the wedding. But that’s the first time I’d seen her in 20 years I’d guess.” “Well, she had her eye on you all night, and most of the afternoon. Was she there alone? It seemed like it at least. She acted like it at least.” “What does that mean?” “I think you know what it means. Know many other married women that just go and lick the face of a married man in front of his wife?” “Beside you honey, no I don’t.”“You’re fucking funny Jimmy. And you’re fucking lucky, you know that? Yo
More from Sweetman Podcast
Welcome to episode three of my new podcast series — Object/ive Permanence — where in one take, no edits, I chat with someone, the conversation is captured, and you can watch and/or listen to it. The podcast is here on Substack but will go out on all the other usual Podcast channels as past of the “Sweetman Podcast” RSS. This is a new experiment. I’m talking to people about an object they bring, and from there we go wherever the conversation takes us. Of course I’ll let them talk about who they are, what they do, and current or past work, but it’s less the focus than the original Sweetman Podcast, which was audio only. For this pod, each guest is asked to bring an object, something to talk about. We get going from there. Emily Writes is an author, newsletter writer, public speaker and MC, a community fosterer and leader, an activist, and she also sometimes writes filthy, horny film reviews too. A broad range! She’s also a friend. As she says here, I’ve known her since back before she was “Emily Writes”. We met as two writers, sharing ideas and seeking advice, from there we grew our families around the same time. Emily had been on my previous podcast — the episodes are still around for you to listen to — and it’s always a good chat. So she was someone I immediately wanted on the new format. We had such a great chat, about writing, and community, and the difficulties in being public; we talked about Palestine, and fundraising, and activism and charity. We talked about family and the arc of our friendship. We talked about that pesky, necessary social media too. All up, a beautiful conversation to share. We had a lot of laughs and we might have even worked a few things out. You can subscribe to Emily’s newsletter and follow her writing here.
Welcome to episode two of my new podcast series — Object/ive Permanence — where in one take, no edits, I chat with someone, the conversation is captured, and you can watch and/or listen to it. The podcast is here on Substack but will go out on all the other usual Podcast channels as past of the “Sweetman Podcast” RSS. This is a new experiment. I’m talking to people about an object they bring, and from there we go wherever the conversation takes us. Of course I’ll let them talk about who they are, what they do, and current or past work, but it’s less the focus than the original Sweetman Podcast, which was audio only. For this pod, each guest is asked to bring an object, something to talk about. We get going from there. Dr Chris Bowden, an academic from Victoria University of Wellington, was high on my original list of potential guests, one of the first people I reached out to when rebooting my podcast. We met for the first time in the slightly awkward introduction to this conversation and interview. Chris’ PhD focused on understanding young men’s experience of losing a close male friend to suicide. Aware of his work with Mates in Construction, and as an educational psychologist, I was interested to talk with Chris and I’m so glad I did. You’ll hear us talk about Joy Division and Metallica, and we will talk about Chris’ life and work. It is a heavy conversation, but there is so much heart and humility from Dr Bowden that I would hope there’s enough light at the end of the tunnel. But absolutely take care if and when watching or listening to this pod episode. Sounds Good! is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
Each month I host an open mic called ‘Say The Thing’. Poems, stories, anything people want to read or speak, provided the wrote it. I usually read a poem or two, or some short prose to kick off, so that no one else feels they have to be the ‘first reader’. This month I read two new/ish Harry Nilsson poems, since that’s my current writing obsession. I read two that I’d only just written and shared, Harry Lied: And Bojanglin’ — ostensibly about the song, ‘Mr. Bojangles’ So you can read along or read the poems instead, or check the text after. But I like sharing the odd audio recording and preserving them for the archive. So this was last week at Say The Thing. We have two more events (Oct/Nov) for 2026. Sounds Good! is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
Welcome to episode one of my new podcast series — Object/ive Permanence — where in one take, no edits, I chat with someone, the conversation is captured, and you can watch and/or listen to it. The podcast is here on Substack but will go out on all the other usual Podcast channels as past of the “Sweetman Podcast” RSS. This is a new experiment. I’m talking to people about an object they bring, and from there we go wherever the conversation takes us. Of course I’ll let them talk about who they are, what they do, and current or past work, but it’s less the focus than the original Sweetman Podcast, which was audio only. For this pod, each guest is asked to bring an object, something to talk about. We get going from there. Duncan Sarkies very kindly agreed to be my first guest. And I don’t even introduce him on camera (how rude!) Duncan’s a writer of films and TV, also novels, plays, and a book of short stories. He is fresh off a spoken word show at the TAHI Festival which I reviewed: That show featured him reading stories from his most recent novel, Stargazers. We also talk a bit about the project, Uncle Bertie’s Botanarium. But beyond that this is a free-flowing conversation that isn’t about any one thing, isn’t pre-planned at all, and isn’t edited. Which is exactly what I want to do with this series of podcasts. It is very much about creativity and connecting and conversation. Which is also what I want. Less of an interview, with some questions arriving about as naturally as possible (hopefully). So, my apologies that the sound isn’t quite how I want it, but this is a work in progress. So audio-quality is on the ‘To Fix’ list. But this is listenable. And watchable. And I hope you like it.
Here’s a reading of a couple of pieces from The Richard Poems, and four new pieces, three of my Harry Nilsson poems, and a poem I wrote just two days before reading. I was the opening for A Party of Poets at The Cabana, in Napier. A terrific event, an incredible lineup to be part of — what I loved was we were all different. The seven poets reading all had different themes, content, and delivery. It’s not my right to record and share the others — but here’s my set. Thanks for reading Sounds Good! ! This post is public so feel free to share it.