Never Married But The Breakup Felt Like Divorce: Leaving, Healing & Rebuilding with Zoë Nelson

Moses had the staff of God in his hand, and his arms still got tired. So sis, what makes you think you can do this alone? Welcome to the very first BA Side, the faith based Bible study companion to Livd Divorce Stories podcast. BA stands for Biblical Application. We take a Livd Truth from the podcast, open the Word of God, and talk about what it means for real life. Not church talk. Real life talk. Last week Tonya Poindexter told us to stop being so strong and stop keeping people at arm's length. Liv takes that truth to Exodus 17, where Aaron and Hur hold up Moses' arms until sunset, then to the garden of Gethsemane, where even Jesus asked His friends to stay near, and then to 7th Avenue and 27th Street, where she had a meltdown the day she knew her marriage was over. And above every person on her Board of Directors, she has the ONE who knew all her stuff and died for her anyway.

She qualified for the house on her own. She paid the mortgage on her own. The judge still told her to sell it and split it fifty fifty. Liv sits down with Tonya Poindexter, author of The Aftermath: What Nobody Tells Black Women About Life After Divorce, two decades of federal service behind her, chamber of commerce chair, mother of three, grandmother of five. The woman everybody else leans on. And the woman who, by her own admission, has never told this story out loud until now. Tonya takes us to the closing table, where the title company asked her twice if she was sure about putting his name on the deed. Her gut said no. She said yes anyway, to keep the peace. She calls it the biggest mistake of her life. Liv gets real right back, on paying spousal support, on the friend who said “girl, pay him, you make more,” and on walking down the aisle already crying and calling it joy. Two different marriages. Two different states. Same landing place. This is not a conversation about who was wrong. It is about what stayed attached after the judge was done, and what it costs a woman to find out too late. Expect laughter and some tears, Sis. Both are welcome here. You’re going to want to sit with this one.

You listened to Amanda's episode. And maybe something in you recognized her story as your own. This is the bonus you didn't know you needed. After wrapping that interview, Liv had one more thing to say. Not to everyone. To the specific woman sitting with the question: can I do it? If you know you need to exit but haven't found the courage yet, this short and honest message is for you. No fluff. No pressure. Just truth, love, and a reminder that the strength you're looking for? It's already yours. Takeaway: The tension between knowing you have to leave and actually leaving is real, it's common, and it doesn't mean you're weak. It means you're human. And when you get to the other side, Liv promises you this: it won't even feel like it was as hard as it felt in the moment. Because you'll be standing in a completely different life, knowing you chose yourself.

What happens when the healer needs healing? This episode is one for the archives, fam. Liv sits down with Amanda Thomas, licensed psychotherapist, TikTok truth teller, and woman who spent 20 years in a marriage quietly disappearing into it. Amanda gets breathtakingly honest about what it means to be the one who studies relationships for a living and still miss every sign happening inside her own home. She wasn't being hit. Nobody was cheating. What she was navigating was something far more invisible and far more common: marriage death by a thousand cuts. This conversation goes deep into the places we don't always name. The body holding what the mind won't admit. The jaw clenching at night. The neck that never stops aching. The moment you realize you've been living in the dark just to love someone who wasn't choosing you back. Amanda opens up about her silent retreats, the message that changed everything ("the healer needs healing"), and what life looks like now that she has finally, fully chosen herself. If you've ever felt that pressure in your chest and told yourself it wasn't that bad, this episode is your exhale. This is not a conversation about whether to stay or leave. It is about having enough information to make an informed decision, and knowing that whatever that next step is, you are not alone in it. You're going to want to sit with this one.

What does it actually look like to do the work after leaving? Not the leaving itself, but the long, unglamorous, necessary process of figuring out who you are, what you want, and why you kept choosing the wrong thing in the first place? In Part 2 of this two-part episode, Rhona Vega picks up where she left off and takes us deeper into the healing side of her story. After two marriages, two divorces, and a cross-country move to safety, Rhona finally sat down with a therapist and started peeling back layers she did not even know were there. What she found was not weakness. It was a woman who had never been taught how to date, never been given a checklist, never been shown what a healthy relationship actually looked like, and who had been quietly assigning meaning to trauma and calling it normal her whole life. This episode gets into the real work of post-divorce healing and what it takes to break generational patterns in relationships. Rhona talks about joining a community that introduced her to self-worth and self-value in a way no one had before. She shares what it felt like to meet a man who was genuinely kind and why that scared her. She opens up about her daughter asking why he was so nice to her mother, and what that question revealed about the damage that had quietly been done. Rhona also shares the unexpected discovery at 50 that reframed her entire sense of identity, why she still considers herself a work in progress, and what boundaries, self-care, and grace have come to mean to her now. If you are somewhere in the middle of starting over and wondering when the hard part ends, this episode is your permission slip to go slower, go deeper, and choose yourself first. If you have not listened to Part 1 yet, start there. This story is even more powerful from the beginning. Key Takeaways: Healing has to go backward before it goes forward. Rhona's therapy work required revisiting childhood images and experiences she had normalized. Until she understood where her relationship patterns were rooted, she could not stop repeating them. You cannot attract what you have not become. A community Rhona found in New Jersey introduced her to the idea that the person you want to attract requires you to first do the work of becoming that person yourself. That shift changed everything. Kindness can feel threatening when control has been your norm. When Rhona met her third husband, his consistency and gentleness felt foreign. Her daughter even asked why he was so nice to her mother. That question was a window into how deeply the previous relationships had shaped what felt safe and familiar. Boundaries are not a personality trait, they are a practice. Rhona did not arrive at boundaries naturally. She built them intentionally through therapy, community, self-reflection, and a commitment to stop caretaking everyone else at the expense of herself. Your story is not a collection of failures. It is a map. Rhona closed with the reminder that every low point carried a lesson, and that grace, not bitterness, is what allowed her to look back at two difficult marriages and say she left, took her power back, and is still here to talk about it. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, call 911 (or your local emergency number). Additional resources: National Domestic Violence Hotline (24/7 confidential support and safety planning): ⁠https://www.thehotline.org/⁠ WomensLaw.org (state-by-state legal info on restraining orders, custody, divorce, and more): ⁠https://www.womenslaw.org/about-abuse⁠ For additional support: Join the Livd Community:⁠⁠⁠⁠ https://www.livd.co/membership⁠⁠⁠⁠ Subscribe to the Livd Newsletter: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.livd.co/newsletter⁠⁠⁠⁠ Need Guidance? Learn about coaching packages here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.livd.co/coaching⁠⁠⁠⁠