Conversation #42 - Anthony Giannoumis | How to Be a Decent Guy: Beyond Toxic and Nice
Motivated Masculine Men "The conversations Men don’t normally have!"Show Notes
Are we teaching men how to be good, or merely warning them against being bad? That question runs through this conversation with Anthony Giannoumis, whose new book sets out to get men to a basic level of decent behavior without ostracizing or isolating them.
Anthony started as a computer programmer in the 1990s, moved into opera, and then into academic research, where he secured €13 million in grants. He was leading a €1.7 million EU project on gender inclusive innovation when an unexpected email told him he was being replaced as project leader. He describes being shocked and devastated, a spiral into depression, and eventually blowing the whistle. He kept supporting the project from the background, and it finished with a presentation at the House of Lords in London, which he attended with mixed feelings of gratitude and sadness.
His research has focused on marginalized groups. His book, The Big F***ing Book on How to Be a Decent Guy, turns the lens on men. It mixes personal stories and case studies backed by scientific research, includes reflections from Bridget Price as a mother and a woman, and launches on International Men’s Day, November 19.
Chris and Anthony get into what decent looks like in practice. They talk about the false choice young men are handed, labeled a problem or pushed toward toxic and macho, and why the middle ground is communication, self awareness, knowing your values, and knowing how to apologize properly. They test the three P’s of provide, protect, and preside, and where protection turns into control. They also go to harder places, including hiring quotas in policing, the bystander effect at work, the Cornell University allegations, group chat culture, and why consent matters.
Connect with Anthony Giannoumis Website: inclusiveleadership.solutions Research: inclusiveleadership.solutions/research LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/dranthonyg TikTok: @dranthonyg Instagram: @dr.ganthonyg
Connect with Motivated Masculine Men Website: www.motivatedmasculinemen.com Email: [email protected] If you’d like to be a guest on the podcast, or know someone who would be a great fit, we’d love to hear from you. Get in touch by email.
What You’ll Learn In this conversation you’ll learn: Why being decent is the middle ground between being labeled a problem and turning toxic and macho How Anthony went from computer programmer to opera to academic research and €13 million in grants What happened when he was replaced as leader of the EU gender inclusive innovation project he initiated, including the depression and whistleblowing that followed Why Anthony argues diverse perspectives can outperform homogenous groups on innovation teams How Chris and Anthony approach hiring quotas in policing, and why they land on equal opportunity without lowering quality or safety How the three P’s of provide, protect, and preside can be read differently, and why protection becomes control when misapplied What a real apology looks like when you take responsibility for your actions How the bystander effect shows up at work, and what it takes for people to step in, including leadership role modeling and permission to speak up without fear of reprimand Why rebuilding trust after a leadership failure has to reach the whole company, not just one person What the Cornell University allegations reveal about inappropriate group chat behavior and the culture around it Why consent matters, and why men need to listen to the women in their lives and understand the reality of sexual assault Why Anthony recommends therapy over leaning on a partner or friends as your therapist
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